s t r o n g | brendon urie

28

7 months pregnant

i've been way more organised. the baby's room was officially finished and id released two singles and five youtube covers and a studio cover. the stress had calmed down and i was managing everything perfectly.

ryan has been such amazing help. he's been helping me relax a lot and comforted me. hes been opening up to me more and wrote lots in his book. i didn't peep ever though. i brought it for him to use.

today me and ryan had gone to tammys memorial. we came back all teary. i decided to go and see my parents and ryan went to go and visit some friends to play football. i headed to brendon and sarah's house while he met up with his cheeky friends.

i opened the door and yelled "HI IM HERE!" penny and bogart ran and barked. i smiled and knelt down to their height, petting them. "b!? sarah!?" i yelled. then i heard quiet sobs. "sarah!?" i yelled louder. silence. i went up the stairs as penny and bogart led the way, knowing what was going on. "brendon if your pranking me again i will steal penny" i called as i followed the sweet puppies. they led me to brendon and sarah's room.

sarah was sitting on the floor crying.

"sarah" i went and wrapped my arms round her as she cried harder. i'd rarely seen sarah cry. brendon was a big baby, he knew himself. sarah wasn't one. she cried during horrible times like me running away and my suicide attempt. she cried in amazing times such as brendon performing and my graduation. but i'd never seen her cry this hard before. privately as well.

"what's up?" i asked, holding her close. she shook her head as more tears spilled down her cheeks. i noticed her phone was on. and i saw horrible comments. "panic fandom?" i asked. she nodded. "they hate me" she whispered. i took her phone and scrolled through.

tf you don't even work you live off brendon. gold digger

brendon dosent even love you

your not even pretty whoops

"fucking assholes! don't you dare believe these psychotic shit bags! you are perfect. you and brendon have been together for nine years! they don't know you! they have no right to fuck with you! don't you dare pay attention to their bullshit. you know brendon loves you. you've help make him the person he is today. don't ever think you didn't do shit. your his everything and no one is changing that"

"babe i'm home!" brendon yelled from downstairs. "no! he can't see me like this! how do i look!?" she panicked. "sarah it's fine! he won't be angry!" i assured her. "lana?" he was coming up the stairs. "lana don't say anything!" she begged. "he cares!" i told her. "what's goin-babe!? what's wrong!?" his face changed from his everyday smile to a concerned one. he sat beside me and put an arm round her. "just my period" she lied. "bullshit" i said. "lana stop!" she hissed. "panic fandom are sending her shit" i handed him sarah's phone while she started sobbing again, scared.

"this isn't fucking okay! babe, don't you ever listen to what they're saying. i love you. sure things may change as we live life, but how i feel will never fucking change" he held her in his arms while she let out her emotions. "thank you" brendon mouthed to me. i gave him a thumbs up back as he held his wife in his arms, disheartened at her state