s t r o n g | brendon urie

21

brendon drove us to the airport along with sarah and josh. they said that if we needed anything we were to call them ASAP. mariah had separation anxiety. whenever she was far away from josh she was a mess. she was afraid without him. he meant everything to her and she had never been far from him. he was always there.

he promised to call her everyday and that he'd come straight away if she needed anything. it was hard but she let him go, in tears. she was still crying even on the plane. i comforted her and she spoke with josh on the phone before we took off. it made her feel a bit better.

we arrived in detroit and headed to our hotel room. we slept on the plane so we weren't tired. we threw our bags down and unpacked. we weren't allowed to come in the night to see ryan. so we got some sleep.

i awoke the next day and it was 11am. mariah was talking on the phone. it was 8am in LA. "i love you too. i will. thanks" she sniffled and ended the call. "josh?" i asked. she nodded. "i miss him so much. i don't know who i am without him" she whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. "hey come here" i held her close while she let it out. "just remember that he loves you and believes in you. i know he's the closest person ever to you. you can do this. i know you can"

we got ready and headed out. i brought us breakfast outside to make her feel a little better. then we headed to the rehabilitation centre. it was now 12. people on suicide watch didn't have set visiting hours. we got in and went through so many doors to get to ryan. we finally made it to a door saying SUICIDE WATCH on it. she opened it and there were more doors but with names on them. we found ryan's and she let me in.

i was hella nervous but i had to do this.

the nurse opened the door. ryan was sitting on the floor cross legged, writing something. the room was empty. literally. the walls and floor were padded and there was just a bed. "he's been writing in that book ever since he got here" the nurse tells me. then i noticed there was a photo in the book.

of me.

and the book was the one i gave him.

"i have to stay outside but you may go in" me and mariah went inside and closed the door. "hey ryan" i said softly. he looked up. "lana?"

he got up and wrapped his arms round me and sobbed. "hey. it's okay" i held him close and let him let out the anger and fustration. mariah awed at us.

"are you mad at me?" he asked. "no. of course not" i replied as he laid in my lap. mariah sat next to me, texting josh. she was really anxious. she didn't want to involve herself in our private conversation. "i didn't mean to do it. it's so...hard here" he whispered. "hey listen. your gonna be okay. i know it. remember that i love you and won't let you give up. i'm always going to be here for you" i said. "thanks babe"

"how's the baby?" he sat up and looked at my baby bump. "five fucking months along" i smiled. "i hope i'm out by the time you have it" he said. "me too. how long are you going to be here for?" i asked. "another three months. if i make lots of good progress then two" he replied. "right on time" i smiled.

we talked some more and made out. lol. mariah didn't even notice. she was in deep convo with her father to even see. not one peep. he was smiling by the end. i told him i'd come back tomorrow and the day after. and he promised he would try to get better. "i don't care if it takes hundreds of year. take your time. i love you" i said.

we'd left the centre and i was in tears. mariah called brendon and i talked with him for a bit to make myself feel better. but after that we went to taco bell as

well it's a happy cure