Step-Brother • e.d

THIRTY-NINE

next day // don't play audio

I personally wasn't looking forward to going to school. I was still in my pajamas walking in school with my head hung low. Only Dustin and Malia knew why. I didn't even wait for them to walk to class. I was the very first ones to be in class but I went late to class.

I don't think I can pull it off anymore. I can't pull of the act of me being a bad bitch or pretend that I don't care of none of it.

I walk in class with my hoodie covering my head and small strings of hair hanging out of it. My head hung low like I was walking the walk of shame. Because it felt like I was waking the walk of shame.

Just thinking how everyone can know that I moved because of my fling with Ethan. But we aren't even related.

I take a seat and pretend to pay attention when I was trapped in my own thoughts. I just look at the wall so blankly. I felt calm for a moment like the weight left my shoulders but eventually it came back.

I don't I have ever felt this so much pain at once besides Dylan's death. But there is so much pain just aching and growing inside of me. I can't let it build up anymore.

PLAY AUDIO

I suddenly feel someone tap my shoulder and I snap out of my thoughts,"Macy?" my teacher called me looking at me concerned "Are you okay?" he whispered but people were looking at me

Am I okay? I don't even know the answer anymore. I have so many questions for everyone. I want to know why I let him in when I don't let anyone in. Why did I let myself fall like this? How can I move on from this? What if it gets worse? I can't keep losing people.

It just hurts so much to even think about it. I need the pain to just stop I can't deal with it anymore. Thinking about his question made my throat feel dry and like it was closing up on me. I felt like I was running out of air. "I uh can't-," my chest starts rising and he just looks at me so panicked

"Macy? Breathe slowly in and out," he said but you can see it in his eyes how freaked out he was. But I couldn't all I can think of was how awful it would feel to see him with her. I would have to face my mistakes everyday with people rubbing it in my face like it's some prize.

The next thing I know my vision is going all blurry.
—-
I wake up in a bed, I must be in the nursery. "You're up. You fainted," she said "Are you okay?" she asked

"Yes, I didn't eat this morning," I said. She gives me a note to go to class but I don't go to second period.

| if you don't like the song @ top play this one |

it's triggering btw..

Instead I go to the back of the school. "Everything is falling out of place," I said to myself

I pull out my phone and dial his number. I know I shouldn't because it will just cause more pain but I needed to hear his voice again even if it would hurt me. Even if I would have to hear her voice too. "Hello?" he said

"Why did- you lie?" I said covering my mouth so he doesn't hear the cracks in my voice. He breathes out but I was holding mine. "You didn't say anything to her. You let her bash me in front of everyone!" I say so angry

"Ma-cy, I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to do or say she caught me off guard. But I don't think you calling me in this state would help you," he says but I grow even more angry

"How do you know what's best for me? You couldn't even tell her shit Ethan. You agreed with her and said I seduced you. I wasn't the only one you gave in too no one forced you too. I hate you Ethan,"

"No, no you don't," he said

"I wish I hated you but I can't," my voice breaks and he hangs up on me. I let out a loud scream. "I fucking hate you Ethan Dolan!"

Someone pops out laughing at me just crashed down onto the ground. "Your step-brother the one you slept with?" Danielle hisses recording me

"What did I do to you?" I ask her almost yelling at her. "Don't you think I'm tired of your shit? I made a mistake so what?" I snap "Don't you think I want to go back and fix it? But I can't. So do me a fucking favor and leave me alone,"

She keeps looking at me but yet still laughing. How can someone laugh when they see someone so destroyed. "Drop the act because eventually Chris will be tired of it and leave you. Then you'll be here crying and asking why he left you," and she stops

She puts her phone away and leaves me here. A part of me wanted to be comforted by Ethan and the other part wanted to hate him so much. I hate how I was hating myself but not him.

"Macy, oh my god," Malia see's me all down against the tree as she runs to me. "What happened?" she asked "Is this about the party?"

I push her off of me,"I need to be left alone. Please just leave," I said so gentle

"I'm trying to be here for you Macy but you keep pushing me away," she says

I let out a breathe,"I'm tired of pretending! Everyone thinks I'm happy when I am not. I need it to stop but it won't because I let him, I don't let no one in. I lost it all just because of him. I'm such an idiot," I break down and she just looks at me so surprised

She pulls away from me and says,"Macy, I'm sorry for what you're going through but you aren't the only one with problems in life. My mom is fighting for her life right now and I am still maintaining myself together. You're right I am also tired of pretending but grow the fuck up. I thought we were friends and you didn't bother to tell us why you didn't want to go the party,"

"Or that you had shit going on. The fact you knew my cousin and didn't say anything. If you had told me about this whole step-brother thing, Dustin and I would of understood. But you didn't say anything," she lets out almost in tears "I love you Macy but you need to let us in," and she also leaves

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I felt like such an asshole for making it seem like it's only about me. But I don't even know what do anymore because I truly can't handle this pain that's coming along with it.

I'm slowly losing myself and people. I was now at my moms house discussing all the arrangements he wasn't even here. "Macy, you'll need to bring a date," my mom says out of the blue "a boy," she rolls her eyes

I just nod at her. I can hear all the giggles coming from his room. "Daniel, tell Ethan to be a bit quiet in there with Brianna," she smirks knowing it hurt me or how she really had the nerve to say her name

"I can't bring a guy but I can bring Malia,"
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stopping it there :) thank you for 125k i love you guys and tell me what you think, lately my writing has been shit you might think it's good but i'm not happy with it 😭😭

happy tuesday