Step-Brother • e.d

FIFTY-ONE

ETHAN

I was in the same room as my therapist. "So Ethan If Macy were here what would you say to her?" she folds her hands together. "Think what you would say and what would she say back," she says again but I didn't have to think because I already knew what to say to her.

Each time I went to my therapist and just waiting in the room it made me feel like I was full of problems that I couldn't handle on my own. That I needed guidance from someone one else. I felt like a child on their first day to school and their mom had to drag them into class promising to take them to the ice cream shop right after.

But at the same time, I had no problem with it because I was struggling. "Why can't you understand that I want you just you. Because now when I am around you, you make me feel like I'm not enough or that I'm useless being with you. I know that being with me can bring problems and pain but nothing is easy. I would do anything to be with you but you are determined in leaving me behind," I confessed and the weight in my chest wasn't so heavy anymore. "I act like I give no fucks but I really do," I breathe out

She looks at me and says something. But in my mind, I can see and hear Macy say,"Because we can't be together, I have told you so many times but you can't get it through your head," she yells and you can notice the vein on the side of her head pop out.

"Because I don't want to move on! I hate how I can't stop thinking about you. I lost my friends because of you but I don't seem to care because in the end I only care about you. I am nothing, I am no one. It's all gone. Why won't you get it that I want you but I can't get it? You don't give a shit about me and make me feel like I'm no good just how your mother tells me. I ask myself why would you want me? But then I remember that you don't!" I yell back as if she was actually there.

"Part of me does want you but you need to let me go. I need to be able to let you go. It's all over Ethan," and the image of Macy vanishes. Now I felt so torn and empty because I just wanted one thing and that one thing is something I can't have.

"Ethan, it's obvious you really care about her but then again is she really worth it?" I know she is but she doesn't want to be with me so I guess it's not. "I know you're hurting but you also need to take care of yourself,"

--

I was home in my bed drifting into sleep.

There she was singing her soul out in the bathroom as she got ready. That smile on her face looked beautiful. The way her eyes lit up as she sang along to the beat and knew all the lyrics. But then she see's me looking at her and stops singing. Not just that she shuts the door not letting me look at her.

"Macy?" I knock on the door but no answer. "I miss you every day," I rest my head against the door hoping she would answer back to me. But my hope was slowly dying down each time I realized how she wasn't coming back anymore. "Please, don't me go," I whisper

"I have to," she answers back. As I heard her say that my chest felt so tight. "Don't you see it? This is all a dream but yet you never get me, because that's reality. Please just let me move on because this isn't healthy for the both of us. You are going to be a father soon,"

I sniffle,"Macy, come on please give me a chance," I beg. Who knew I would be here begging a girl to stay and not leave. But her breathing stops and I open the door she was no longer there.

I hear a sound go off. It was my alarm: "Go to school to volunteer" it said

--

I call letting them know I can't make it today.

Text messages to Macy

Ethan: Hey I was wondering if I can take you out to eat?

Macy: sure, when?

Ethan: today @6?

Macy: Ok! sure

--

I honk the car and she comes out running into the car. Before I open the door for her I let out a breath. I open the door for her and she says,"I'm surprised it's pouring today," she laughs

"Where do you want to go eat?" I ask her and I felt like it was the time you take your crush on a date and you don't know what to expect or say.

She looks at me but in the moment I really wanted to kiss her but I stayed away from her. "We should go to this pizza place," she smiles and that's where I drove to. I didn't want the car ride to be silent so I think of things to talk about. "How have you been?" she asked before I got to ask her.

I smile and say,"I've been great I started to volunteer at this school so I can help Brianna when Riley is finally born. How about you?" I pass the question right back to her.

She lightly chuckles,"I've been better actually. I keep having nightmares about Dylan. It's all so confusing because then you pop up in them. They freak me out you know because I get paranoid that they mean something will happen to you," she sounds worried. It warmed my heart that she cares about me but not in that way anymore.

"Actually me too. I have dreams where you tell me I'm nothing but shit you know," I felt nervous so I laugh even though it wasn't even funny. But I also felt like my hands started to sweat as the wheel started to feel slippery a bit. "Enough of the sad sappy shit but how is it at your new school?" I ask

"Good," was all she said.

---

There we sat waiting for our order to be taken. "Hello my name is Melissa and I'll be taking your order today," she smiles at both of us. But constantly she kept looking at me and made an excuse to get near me. I felt uncomfortable but I didn't say anything the whole time I kept looking at Macy.

I kept making signals for her to help me because I didn't want to come off rude. "Can you please stop flirting with my boyfriend as if I'm not here?" Macy snaps and I wanted to burst into laughter because she used the line from Fifty Shades Freed. The waitress just turns a bright shade of pink.

"I'm so sorry, I thought-," but Macy cuts her off

"Thought what?" she keeps going off. I was liking the idea of her being jealous but then again it was all an act.

--

BORING I KNOW BUT I AM BORED AF AND GOT MY PHONE TAKEN AWAY AND I AM USING THE COMPUTER. thank you for 220k!!!!!

what did you think of emotional ethan??

I need to figure out how to bring Cameron back....

peace

-mitzy