The Heart Wants What It Wants(Part 1) - Blake

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These days, he was quiet, absentminded. He would stay out until you fell asleep and when you woke, he was usually gone. On the lucky days where he did come home early, he barely spoke two words to you.

But the thing is, you two werent even fighting. There was no bickering or arguing but you would rather have that because in the end, youd both apologize and youd love each other again. You couldnt even remember the last time he said those words to you.

You sat there, staring blankly towards the ground. He wasnt the same Blake you had fallen in love with. He wasnt the same man who proposed just a few months ago. He wasnt happy and neither were you. Hed grown so far from you, his kisses were no longer loving in the home you two shared. The ring that embraced your finger didnt seem to be illuminating anymore and thats how you knew your relationship was in jeopardy.

You heard the keys through the door and there he was, stumbling in. It was half past midnight and you were tired but you were determined to get to the bottom of this tonight! When he lifted his head, the look on his face said it all: you werent going to make it through the night.

You dont have to wait up on me he mumbled. He dropped his keys on the table next to the door. He kicked off his shoes and began to head towards the kitchen.

You were already boiling as you stood up to follow him. Are you kidding me? Your tone betrayed you when it came out cracked rather than sturdy. Its almost one in the morning, where have you been?

His head popped out of the fridge with a water bottle in hand. Out, he answered coldly. Your eyebrows furrowed and you huffed at him as he stared right through you.

Okay, you began. Forget about tonight, where have you been every other night for the past three weeks? You come home past midnight every night and Im lucky if I even get a hi from you. We were supposed to go out to dinner a few nights ago and you blew me off, Blake! You were on the brink of crying but it took everything for you not to. He was staring dead at the ground, afraid to look at you because he knew if he saw you crying, he would begin as well.

You slowly approached where he stood against the counter. Blake you whispered, cupping his cheek in your hand. Baby.

That stung. To call him baby, hurt. He dreaded the look in your eyes. He was losing you and he knew it. He escaped your grasp and pushed past you, beginning to head out of the kitchen, Im tired, he mumbled. Im going to go take a shower. Just come to bed whenever.

You didnt turn around to follow him but the question slipped before your brain could think it over. You wanted to go to bed but you also needed to know, Are you happy?

He was silent. You slowly turned to see the back of him; his ruffled hair and his lean shoulders covered by the jumper he had on. You were defeated. You sighed and regretted the question that followed because somehow, you already knew the answer. Fine you began. Then answer this. He finally turned to face you. Do you still love me?

Blake felt a lump in his throat because he knew what was to come. He loved you, god, he loved you. He just didnt know what to do anymore. Part of him wanted to leave the house and cry in his car but the other part wanted to hold you. He realized he didnt have an answer and in his hesitation, you found your answer.

There was nothing left to say, there was nothing left to do. You looked down at the ring on your finger; the ring that was supposed to mean forever. As you began to tug it off a tear fell down your cheek. Your heart broke as you realized how short forever seemed.

Wh-what are you doing? Blake croaked.

There was never a maybe in my love for you, Blake your small voice cried. You walked towards him and reached for his hand. You placed the ring in the palm of his hand as you saw a tear stream down his red face.

No, baby please he sniffled. Please, dont. He didnt know what else to do but to beg. He was rubbish when it came to these things. It took all of you not to take everything back and just hug him but you knew this was for the best. He deserved someone who could entertain him, someone who could drop everything and travel around the world with him, someone who could be what he needed.

I love you, Blake. More than anything in the world you choked. The pit in your stomach was erupting and all you wanted was for him to tell you everything was going to be okay and mean it. But even he knew he couldnt do that. But I dont think either of us is ready to continue whatever this is you cried as you began to let go the best thing that had ever happened to you.

You brushed past him and began to head upstairs to gather whatever you could fit into a duffle bag. This was the end, this was the end of forever. All those late night chats about getting married, starting a family one day, and buying a house together, that was all gone. The ring that meant eternity between you and Blake was now meant for someone else. And that crushed you.

Stop, his voice came behind. He reached for the bag and tried to pry it out of your hand but you refused. Baby, stop. Please. We can fix this. Reality hit him; he was no longer going to be able to watch you sleep at night. He wouldnt be able to tell you about his days, or sip wine on the back patio with you, or simply hug you. Ill be home more, Ill come home and everything will go back to the way they were. He sniffled and quickly wiped the tears so you wouldnt see. I love you and I know I do a bad job of showing it but I love you so much. I want to marry you and I want to have babies with you. I want to grow old with you and love you until the day I die. And even then, I will still continue to love you. Please, baby, stay. Dont leave. Ju-just dont go.

You were scared to look at him. By now, you were sobbing and you couldnt hold back the cries even if you tried. You brought your hand to your mouth, trying to hide the sobs as you cautiously turned to look at him. His already bloodshot eyes made you cry even harder.

You reached for his cheek and his hand followed to grab yours. He kept them on his face because a small part of him had hope that maybe this was just a horrible nightmare and hed wake up to you sound asleep, next to him. Your thumb brushed his cheekbone to wipe the tear away. I want nothing more than what you had just described. I love you so much but, you couldnt finish. You didnt want to leave because you loved him so much, it hurt. But

You could taste the salty tears. No, youre my best friend, please. I ca-I cant imagine a life without you his voice cracked. Without these arms, without these hands, he pulled you closer. Without your beautiful, beautiful heart. Even though he felt pitiful and ridiculous, he didnt want to let you go. He didnt want things to end because he knew the absence of you would hurt more than any breakup ever could.

You were numb. Your cheeks, nose, and eyes burned from the crying and you quickly looked up at the ceiling. The small, steady part of your world completely fell apart as you pushed him away. Blake you didnt know what to say anymore.

This was it. You were letting go the man who gave you everything you had hoped for and so much more than youll ever need. The one you wanted to be with for the rest of your life, to have a family with, to grow old with, to love and to be loved every day until you couldnt anymore.

Goodbye, Blake."

You pulled away and he nearly fell to the ground. You didnt look back but god, you wish you could.

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