Truth In Words ✓[Secrets Book 3]

[Chapter Sixteen] Liam

             I never meant to start a war
                  You know I never wanna hurt you
              Don't even know what we're fighting for

           Why does love always feel like ...
                a battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield

                                Jordin Sparks: Battlefield

It felt so good to hold her and kiss her and touch her. I had little hope that it would last but if the night was all I got with her then that was better than nothing. I tried to show her how sorry I was, show her how beautiful she was.

I know she couldn't stand her scars but I truly thought that they were beautiful. How they happened was dark but they really showed such strength. Every scar was another night she survived. I hated that she had them but I wouldn't think less of her because she did.

I kissed every scar on her body even though I knew it was probably crossing a line as I ran my lips up the inside of her thigh, to a part that was dangerous to be so close to. I pulled just the side of her underwear down over her hip, careful not to expose anything so I could kiss the one he left there.

Her breath would hitch every now and then and to say it didn't affect me would be a lie. I kissed her lips again before I rolled onto my back and pulled her on top of me. her damp hair fell around my face as she leaned down, pressing her nearly bare top to mine.

I ran my hands down her sides and up her thighs, keeping them in a safe area but the little moans that she made were driving me insane. I rolled her onto her back and kissed her until my lungs were burning for air but I didn't want to be away from her so I trailed them down the length of her neck. She moaned and ran her nails down my back when I lightly sucked at the skin of the base of her throat where her scar was.

She rolled me onto my back and pushed my hands down by my head. She was breathing hard and my heart was racing.

"We need to stop." She told me and I nodded

"I know." The irresponsible part of me didn't want to but the rational part of me always won on this subject. We were adults and we weren't doing anything wrong but anything more and it wouldn't be right for either of us.

"I should put some clothes on." She mumbled as she turned bright red.

"I wasn't really complaining." She smacked my chest as she rolled onto her stomach beside me

"Fine then neither am I, no touching." She warned me. She exposed her back to me and jumped in surprise when I leaned over to finish kissing the rest of her scars. She squirmed every now and then but she didn't protest.

"And now I can say I've kissed every scar on your body." I said proudly

 And she shook her head

"I have some on my head from where he." She stopped

"You don't have to say anything." I told her

"One's from where her smacked my head against a brick wall in an alley the first time he stabbed me, when I tried to run away."

"And the other?" I asked feeling angry with him all over again

"Why do you still act like I'm special?" she asked and her voice shook telling me she was crying

"I didn't mean to upset you and because you are."

"No I'm not!" she shook her head

"Why not?"

"I'm hideous and the things they did to me." she held in a sob and I pulled her into my arms. I expected her to protest but she didn't.

"I guess it's a good thing you don't want to be with me because if you knew the whole story you wouldn't love me anymore. You would never look at me the same." She told me and that got to me, what was there that could be so horrible she would think that

"One day you'll trust me again, enough to tell me and when you do it won't matter because it doesn't define who you are. What they did to you wasn't your fault and I would never look down on you because of it."

She shook her head

"You'll understand soon." Was all she said, I asked her what she meant but she wouldn't talk about it. Was she going to open up to me about it soon?

She curled up against me and I held onto her. I didn't think she forgave me for what I did tonight and I don't know what's going to happen in the morning but I was taking in this moment and for the night I didn't care because for the night I had her in my arms again.

As she fell asleep and I could look down at her I realized just how bad I screwed things up with her. I didn't even let her explain, hell I didn't even know what happened; I just knew that I was angry and didn't want to hear it.

I didn't want her to be right, I wanted her to suffer like I was and Kalila's right; that isn't love. I do love her but I guess it's just a lot harder than I thought it would be.

If I would have just told her I wanted to work things out she would be in my arms every night and now I knew that she wouldn't be any time soon.

Maybe if I could get my shit together we would get there again but I don't even know if she would want that, I don't even know if I have a chance with her anymore.

I just didn't know anything anymore.

I didn't know who I was. I didn't know where my life was headed.

All I knew was that I had bridges to rebuild with Kalila and Asher, I loved my family and I needed to make things right with the beautiful red head that was asleep in my arms.

Even after what I did she still trusted me to kiss her, to touch her and to hold her. She trusted that I would keep her safe while she was vulnerable and asleep and if I would have been more willing to see what everyone was talking about before I would have seen that even after everything that's happened to me she put her trust in me when she was afraid of the world.

After he almost killed her she didn't shut down again and stop talking, she pushed through it and told me that she loved me still, she told me she would wait for me to figure out my feelings. I just figured them out a little too late.