Satisfied (Oikawa Tooru x Reader) Haikyuu!

Twenty Three: Mess

Monday, nearly a week after Oikawa apologised to you. You were sitting at your desk with your face hidden behind the book, pretending to be paying attention to the lesson, while, in fact, your mind was somewhere completely different. Even though everything seemed to be back to normal, something has actually changed in you, and, probably, it was all because of these four stupid, meaningless words Oikawa told you nearly a week ago. 'You're special to me'.

The sole memory of Oikawa's slightly flushed face when he was saying it was making your heart go crazy and your throat clench in sorrow at the same time.

At first you were just excited to hear these words from the boy. But as the time passed, you slowly, but surely, started realising that the 'special' he meant was nothing like the 'special' you wanted him to mean, and that probably it would never be the same.

You were special to him because you were at his every call when he needed you. And that was certainly not what you wanted to be to him.

As much as you were trying not to think about it, you couldn't help but recall all the moments when you and Oikawa were together. His smile, teasing voice, intelligent look, the way his hair was flowing in the air when he was walking, all of it was constantly invading your mind at the most unexpected times. Before you realised it, you started thinking about him more than ever and you had no idea why. All that you knew was that these visions were always accompanied by a strange feeling that was hard to describe.

On the one hand, you felt happy and excited, your cheeks were burning red, your heart was beating like mad. You wanted to see him, to touch him, and to be with him.

But at the same time, the awareness of the fact that you would never have him for yourself was making you break down into pieces. Shivers would start flowing through your body, sometimes you needed to clench your teeth to avoid bursting into tears. Your heart would clench and tingle painfully.

These two completely opposite feelings were mixing with each other, and leaving you lost and helpless. Of course, you knew this feeling, since it was accompanying you ever since you realised that you were in love with Oikawa, but you could more or less control it until not a long time ago. But now it became so vast, it was uncontrollable. It was like water which you had somehow managed to keep from overflowing but it went and filled up again.

Were you on the verge of enduring it?

You sighed deeply behind the book. You were lucky that today was a day off and the practices were called off. You needed to calm down your feelings until tomorrow or you wouldn't be able to look at Oikawa directly.

Still, you completely forgot that you agreed to leave the school together with Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Standing at the school's gates, you were trying to figure out how to withstand the walk without showing your messy feelings to the boys. But no matter how hard you were thinking, nothing would come to your mind, and, to boot, your heart started pounding again. You nearly jumped, hearing the incoming voices of the boys you were waiting for. Your body started shaking, your face went red. It was worse than you thought. There was no way you would let the boys see you like this.

You grabbed the strip of your bag tighter and made up your mind.

As quietly as you could, you ran past the gates, towards the playground nearby your school, hoping that the boys didn't see you.