A High School Werewolf

Chapter 20-Coping... badly

Crunch! The sound of cracking wood resounded throughout the empty room. The stupidly, hopelessly, empty room. Why was that room so darn empty? No personality filled it. The blank white woods stood in contrast to the blank wooden beds the sat next to blank dressers and desks. The only thing not blank was the girl. Her expression was filled with anger, only a careful observer would find the trace of sadness between the brown eyes fueled by hatred. The drawer of the dresser hung crookedly off its tracks because of the large cracks now running through it. Did that poor piece of furniture deserve this anger? No. It was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sarah's misplaced anger was taken out on the furniture. She hated the furniture. It reminded her of Nichole. Nichole, the person who had just upped and left. She had dropped off the face of the earth. What had Sarah done so wrong that made Nichole just want to leave? Why had she, as soon as she wasn't obligated to be with Sarah, just left? No farewell. No goodbye. Nothing. She was just gone. Sarah tried to rationalize it. Maybe Nichole's parents had to move. They were military. Sarah knew that struggle too well. But, no note. No goodbye. Not even a word.

Sarah was angrier at herself than Nichole's mysterious departure. Why was she still so hung up about it? It had been a whole month for goodness sakes. An entire month of doing nothing. An entire month of healing. An entire month tearing herself apart trying to find out why Nichole had left without a trace. An entire month of pretending to be okay. She should be okay. So, why wasn't she? She had beaten up her bullies. She hadn't received any more threatening notes or heard any stranger whispers. She was passing all her classes. She had nothing to be upset about, but she still wasn't okay.

Whenever she was alone, thoughts would plague her.

Dark thoughts. Why did no one like her? Should she have just run away? Would it be better or everyone if she just left? Why did she bother staying? She was obviously dangerous? She couldn't even take an insult without exploding? Why was she such a failure?

Troubling thoughts. She kept thinking about Taylor's accusations, despite Taylor's apology the next morning. Taylor apologized because she had acted out of jealousy, but there was some truth to her statements. More than just some. It was all truth. As far as they knew. And that was the problem, she didn't know. And when she didn't know, her thoughts were left to roam to unwanted places. Maybe Nichole did send the note. Maybe Nichole was just toying with her. Maybe Nichole really didn't care. Maybe the note and the strange whispers were connected. Not that she would tell this to Taylor. One, she didn't want to worry Taylor, and two, she didn't want to accidently make Taylor jealous because whenever Taylor was jealous she tended to say things she didn't mean. Or maybe she did mean it. Maybe she only apologized because she thought she had to.

These thoughts were why Sarah tried to avoid allowing her mind to wander. Most of the time, she was with Taylor and her chatter about the newest scientific breakthrough or other nerdy stuff distracted Sarah, but when Sarah insisted Taylor spend time with her other friends instead of her, a lame werewolf, she was left alone. She would first fill the time by studying. She would have preferred to work out, but her shoulder and ribs prevented it. Next, she would read. She would read the insulting werewolf books given to her, or she would read her textbooks. She didn't care as long as it was something, but inevitably she ran out of things to occupy her mind.

So, why was she punching the dresser? Simply put: she was angry. Why? Because she found herself bored on a Sunday evening. She had no books to read, and the library was closed. Normally, Taylor insisted on hanging out, but Sarah, ever stubborn, insisted that Taylor go have some, "normal fun" with her other friends. The result was growing anger about her inadequacy. She didn't know why Nichole left. She wasn't smart enough to figure it out. She wasn't good enough for Nichole to stay. She wasn't human enough to restrain the wolf in her when she was angry. She wasn't able to wok out because she was too weak and got herself injured. Her ribs had healed, but on Taylor's urging she had refrained from working out until her shoulder healed, but Taylor wasn't here. And what Taylor didn't know wouldn't hurt her. What was one more lie? Even as she changed into her running clothes, another part of her argued, why lie at all? Why not come clean? Why am I such an idiot? Why do I lie? Why am so weak that I can't tell the truth? She drove away these dark thoughts as her feet pounded on the dirt trail in the woods. She concentrated on the pain. Pain was simple. Everything else was hard. She knew it was weak. She knew it was wrong. She knew it was cowardly. But she took the easy way out. Instead of facing her troubles, she drove them away and let them fester and grow. She ignored the doubt and hate while it grew, embracing pain instead.