A High School Werewolf

Chapter 41-Dear Diary

Dear Diary, March 16th, XXXX

My therapist recommended that I start keeping a journal to organize my thoughts. He said that its best to organize my thoughts by writing them down, but the format was mine to pick. He said that it might help to think of the journal as a person who won't judge. As if such a person exists. He said it would help to give the journal a name. I immediately scoffed at the idea, but I guess if I really want to get better, and I do, then I should try. So here we go... man names are hard to think of... you think you now a lot until you have to pick one.

Sam, bob, joe, why are all the names that come to mind guy names? Uh, let's see, ummm, Matthew, nope still a guy name. I give up. I'm just going to look up most popular genderless names.

The first name is Gray? Seriously that's a real name? Well I guess that's your name, Gray.

So Gray... nice weather, today right?

Too much like a conversation. Thought so. Well, Gray, it's been about a month since I emailed Taylor. She still hasn't responded. Not that I'm mad, I'm sure she has a good reason. Nope, I'm not supposed to do that. I'm not supposed to lie. So yes, I am mad, even though I know I shouldn't be because we weren't friends for very long and I wasn't a great friend and she's probably busy in school.

Anyways that's going nowhere so I guess I'll... I don't know... how do people do this?

I don't know. Uh, not much is going on. I'm home alone, because I'm allowed to be home alone now. Mr. Howard prescribed me some antidepressants, so they aren't worried about me hurting myself any more. The pills do help although I'm not sure how to describe how they help. I take them every morning at breakfast. They still don't trust me to take them myself. It's probably because I used to have to take the pain medications as well. I stopped taking those last week, or was it the week before? I'm not sure. Either way most of wounds are now scars except for a few of the deeper ones but even those are mostly healed.

Do you have any scars Gray? Oh, who am I kidding? You wouldn't know because you're just a made-up character. Well since you're just a made-up character I guess I can give you scars. It feels weird to just give you scars though, you need some sort of backstory. After all a scar is just a scar, it's the memory behind it that makes it brutal. The ones from my imprisonment don't bother me as much as the ones I got from failing to protect my family.

Nope, not going there, so back to you Gray. You have to be more than just a name if I'm supposed to treat you like a person or a friend. Huh, I have so much power right now. Power over an imaginary character, okay Sarah you're starting to get carried away. Let's see... you're going to be a gentle soul, really cliché, and let's see also gay and nonbinary because why not? Umm, you were trapped in a book because you made a deal with the wrong person because of your trusting nature, you're less naive now, but still trustworthy. Gosh, I'm getting carried away, let's forget that last part.

Back to what I'm supposed to be doing. Thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts. What am I thinking? Currently overthinking what to write in a diary. Does it matter, it's not like anyone, but me will read this. Unless Ivy, or her friend Sophie finds it. That would end badly. Maybe I should write in code. Nah, that's too much work. They're decent even people to not snoop, right? Getting paranoid, back on topic

Okay, back to thoughts...again. I'm bored mostly. I don't do much other than homework or reading. I could probably start working out again that could be another way to pass time. Other than that, I'm not sure. It's not like I can go to the mall like other teens. Is that even what other teens do? I don't know. Do you, Gray? No, well that makes since considering you're not real. I could ask Ivy, but I don't want to bug her. We haven't spoken much since the cliff. I can't blame her, I'm not the most interesting person and – nope not going to go down that path. We just haven't talked much that's all, and she's busy with school. Her dealing with her own things is not an insult to me. I'm just not at the forefront of her mind, but that's okay. I should probably try to become friends with her though so its not awkward living together.

Mr. Griffon has been trying to encourage me to personalize my room more, but I don't know what to do. Back in my room at my house I just had training stuff in addition to a desk and bed and stuff. Make I should pick up a hobby. That could solve my boredom and give my room some personality. Let's see, I know how to fight, and what else. That's about it. What are hobbies? Knitting? No, definitely not. Any suggestions Gray? No, of course not. I'm going to use google.

Sports is first. Gonna have to pass on that one. Even if I could, I doubt any team would take me.

Music – I could try, but that requires an instrument so that would bug the Griffon's – another no

Traveling, fishing, hunting – also no's – they require leaving the house

Socializing – God No – 'nuff said

Painting – Too messy

Dancing – I'll pass, that usually requires lessons

Reading, Writing – I already do one of those, and I don't have inspiration

Computer – Technology hates me

That's enough of that. I don't feel liking reading through 505 hobbies on a website, so I'm just going to leave that.

Look at that, Ivy's home, guess if I start wanting to be friendlier, I should probably stop writing and go greet her. Or I could just stay in my room and wait for her to initiate contact. Yeah that will probably never work. I don't know how to end this. I guess if you're a person I would say bye. Or more realistically, awkwardly mumble something then walk away.

-awkward mumbling