wallflower | taekook

six.

"If you want to keep a secret,
you must also hide it from yourself."
— George Orwell

Taehyung POV

For a moment I thought I was back in the club. The dull pulse in my temples was the same as the loud music, except as I sat up on the couch I realized it was the killer headache instead. Everything was spinning and I sat still for a few seconds as dots danced across my eyes and my stomach spun with all the regrets of drinking so much last night.

Once my vision came into focus I noticed the small piece of paper and pill on the coffee table. They were the only things sitting out and as I looked around I finally noticed how clean this kid really was. It looked like one of those model apartments on display the way that everything was detailed but not overdone, and nothing about it told me anything about Jungkook or his personal life.

There were no photos on the walls expect for one behind the couch that was a huge canvas and some random painting of colors that only fit the the aesthetic of his place.

I picked up the paper and saw it was a note, he had nice handwriting for a guy.

Don't touch anything, just let yourself out.
— Jungkook

How sweet. That's the way to treat your guests. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the pill, swallowing it without any water because apparently he didn't think I needed any. At least he was kind enough to consider the possibility of me getting a headache.

I could tell I over stayed my welcome, the younger had already woken up and left not bothering to kick me out himself. Then again I don't blame him, after what I said last night despite everything that happened, I wouldn't want to talk to me either. The urge to vomit grew steadily as I became sick with myself, not knowing what was going through my head during those events.

But you do know what was going on, and you know you liked it.

I shook those thoughts from my head and pushed myself off the couch, making sure to grab my phone before walking to the door, only then noticing the screen full of unread text messages all from the same person.

The words were cut off since the text was too long, but I already knew what it said. I'd have to go home and shower first before I met up with her anywhere.

Before I left, the snoopy side of me was coming out and I couldn't help but find myself in the kitchen. There was nothing on the marble counter, no mail or even a single crumb. Everything was clean and tidy and it's like Jungkook was a fucking monk.

The fridge was even more disappointing. All it had was a bunch of healthy shit and things that looked like it needed to be cooked. Where's the ice cream and ramen cups? I guess it makes sense why he's so insanely built, not that I'm going to complain about that.

I left shortly, walking in the same clothes as yesterday as I wandered down the sidewalk and looked around to figure out what part of the city I was in. Turns out Jungkook didn't live that far from me. Within fifteen minutes I was dragging myself up the stairs to my own apartment and fumbling for the keys in my pocket.

"Took you long enough." her voice scared me and I almost tumbled back down the way I came. She stood next to my door with a subtle scowl and crossed arms, the displeasure written clearly across her features.

Eyes as similar to my own stared at me as I walked forward and slipped the key into the lock, pushing the door open for the both of us, "I didn't know you'd show up here." I said.

The girl scoffed, black hair flowing down her back perfectly straight and in place, "You weren't answering any of my texts."

"There's a reason for that." I grumbled. My body screamed for a shower and my head throbbed painfully. That medicine needed to kick in a lot quicker. "Rough night?" she guessed, obviously correct.

The small smile on her face was playful and absolutely meant to tease me, but I cut her off before she could ask questions. "How's mom and dad?"

"They're good, really excited." she made herself comfortable and sat down by the kitchen table. "Something you don't seem to be."

I rolled my eyes and stepped around the island, leaning against it on my elbows, "Oh come on Nari, how excited do you expect your older brother to get over a wedding, it's not even mine."

It was my little sisters turn to roll her eyes, those orbs so similar to mine and only reminding me of my mother's. However hers were always stone cold as they met mine, the thought sending my stomach into knots. I barely realized Nari continued talking about all the pointless details to her wedding, everything was blocked out as I spiraled back to those times. Only to be reminded even further a second later by my sister.

"Taehyung! You're not even listening." she frowned, but it was only out of anger instead of sadness. The set of her eyebrows downwards also revealed this. "You're not going to ruin this for me, not again. Mom and dad already agreed to my idea and I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself." she smiled proudly, and I forced the same so she wouldn't feel worried.

"Don't worry, I know what's expected of me." I said trying to not sound as rude as I wanted to be. We've had this discussion too many times, my mother not wanting to hear anymore after all those sessions, believing I was fixed. "But I don't understand why I have to-" I tried to start, only to be cut off by a cold glare.

"No." Nari firmly spoke, "You're not showing up to my wedding alone, are you crazy? Mom would throw a fit, she already doesn't know how you haven't found a woman to bring home yet." she continued, oblivious to my eye roll and absolute disinterest in the topic.

There was a sigh from the kitchen table, then a scratch as the legs pushed across the tile when my little sister stood up, "Taehyung," she said softly, "We all got over that, you're okay now." she tried to keep talking but by now my back was turned, every word felt like a slap to the face. "I have a friend, she's coming and doesn't have a date. She would love to go with you."

When I didn't say anything I heard her footsteps come closer, heels on the tile that probably looked just like the ones our mother always wears. So similar they were, and so close. Everything I didn't share.

Her small hand reached my shoulder, an action that is suppose to be loving and caring, sympathetic to what a sibling may be going through. But that wasn't the case here. All she was doing was handing me a slip of paper. Any thought of my problem staying simply that, a personal problem they only turned their backs on years ago. "Give her a call later."

That was the last thing she said, my fingers taking the slip from her and barely saying goodbye before she left my apartment.

It's wrong to say I was alone again, standing there in my kitchen by myself. Because I was always alone to begin with, that way no one can leave me worse off than I already am.

I'm not sure how long I stood there. Paper in hand and thoughts swirling around my brain. It was the growl of my stomach that finally pushed me to do anything. Soon I was finally out of the shower and rubbing a towel over my damp hair, messy bangs tickling my forehead as the numbers stared back at me from my bed side table. She was most likely expecting to hear from me today, too bad she's going to sleep disappointed.

The number I texted definitely wasn't the one my sister left me. There was no interest there. Instead I texted him.

I waited a few hours for a response, maybe a short reply or even a 'fuck you'. But Jungkook never texted back.

Still, I ate some food and watched cartoons all afternoon. Phone by my side and eyes darting to the screen to check during every commercial. At one point there was a bubble and he was typing for a long time, I don't think I breathed the entire time I stared at those damn bubbles. Only to be disappointed and left with nothing.

• ♡ •
poor tae
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