wallflower | taekook

thirty six.

"A nervous silence loosens tongues."
— Jacqueline Carey

Jungkook POV

It has just rained a few hours before and the air was still sticky with the humidity. I'm glad I have changed into a thin black t-shirt before leaving my apartment. No one was out this late at night, at least not in this part of town.

Every step sent a surge of regret down my throat and I kept clenching my fists stupidly thinking that would help. But guilt doesn't go away that easy.

He just looked so peaceful. His hair against my pillows and lips out in a soft pout as he slept. It was hard to leave him like that, alone.
Sometimes I think the best thing I can do is to leave him, but I'm too selfish.

My phone vibrated and I knew who it was, someone else checking in on me for all the wrong reasons. He just wanted to know his profit of the night. That's all Jae cares about.

The sound sent chills down my back. It was a voice void of life and eyes that would empty if they weren't always glazed over.

"You're bold coming onto this side of the tracks." his deep voice rasped.

I was too caught up thinking about the pretty boy in my bed to realize I had already walked into gang territory. I was well away from the city and past the train tracks, but this is where the most money was made. And I definitely needed the money.

"I bring gifts." I grinned. My backpack slipped off my shoulder and I held it at my side by the strap. I'm sure this man didn't think I was dumb enough to let it go, his friends weren't the best at hiding themselves.

The moonlight from the slight East had exposed the two men sitting atop one of the trains storage containers, no amount of crouching hid them since they weren't smart enough to stay in the shadows.

The man had pulled an object from his belt, the moon glinting off the metal blade, "I don't deal with little boys."

"You're hurting my feelings." I clicked my tongue and walked closer to the man. By now I wasn't as obscured by the shadows and the moonlight fell on my face, I was happy to smirk once I saw the recognition in those pale eyes.

The man laughed and shoved his knife away, "It's been a while Jeon." he grinned and nodded his head over for one of his friends to approach.

I didn't say anything, instead grabbing the brown bag from my backpack and tossing it to him. There was enough drugs in there to last months, but for him and his goons they'd use it up by the end of the week and wonder why they didn't die yet.

He opened the bag and seemed to be pleased with what he got. I never even knew what was in there, I only worried about delivering and handling my part. His friend tossed my a black bag that had the payment inside, but before I could walk away I heard his voice again. The chills ran down my spine again.

"Here's something a little extra, for old times sake." he was still grinning, handing me the wad of cash and stick of powder. It looked like one of those pixie sticks that little kids eat before getting all hyper and crashing a few hours later. Except I knew this wasn't candy, it was their drug they made, and it was a death sentence to take.

Whatever they made here on the tracks could easily be accidentally toxic or have shards of glass in it.

I took the money and shoved it in my pocket before walking away and throwing the stick into the canal next to the train tracks. At one point I bent over to tie my shoe, the bag of money sat beside me next to my open backpack.

My backpack was a little heavier once I started walking again.

It was closer than walking directly from my apartment, since I was already on the bad side of town. I recognized the improv club again that Yoongi took me too and kept walking to the right alley.

Some guys were in the aisle when I walked down, smoke was floating around their heads like tainted halos. They glanced at me as if considering a challenge, but then just step aside. I may have already proven myself to them a while back.

Hyunjae was right there when I pushed open the metal door into the building. It always looks the same, a foggy atmosphere and neon lights that seem to put you in a haze even if you're not on anything. The girls on the couch looked like empty bottles on the floor and I sometimes couldn't tell the difference between a cigarette and a french fry.

"Jungkook!" Jae shouted. He looked over at me with a grin and kept strutting over. One arm went over my shoulder and the other grabbed the bag I got from the man. "This feels promising." he grinned pulling me closer into his side, breath hot on my neck from the close proximity.

We walked past the couches and tables of drinks to another door partly opened. The hushed voices from behind quieted completely when we walked in. "What's up boss!" Jae said. I just stood there beside him and pursed my lips in silence. I wasn't spoken to.

The man Jae always refers to as "boss" nodded his head towards the back door before going back to his quiet discussion with his friend.

I've never been back here before. I always make the deliveries, bring back the payment, take my cut, and then I'm on my way home. Whoever's in charge is none of my business and I don't care to make it mine now. Every part of me was itching to leave that place, but I kept my mouth shut and hands from shaking as Jae pulled into the back room.

He let out a deep sigh and finally took his arm off my shoulders. The bag made a heavy thump as it hit the top of a table and echoed along with Jae's chuckle. "He always gives us the most for some shit drugs."

I rolled my eyes and adjusted the straps on my shoulders as I waited for a chance to leave.

Jae went through the bag and I felt my palms sweat. He's just suppose to leave the money there until later. It's not ours to look at.

"Hey, you know you're not suppose to do that," I tried to get him not to look too hard, or even count it for that matter. The muscles in his jaw twitched and I felt my teeth start to gnaw on my bottom lip.

"You know Jungkook," Jae turned to face me, there was no more grin or soft chuckle, "I talk to my boys over on the tracks. I'm not completely out of the loop."

At this point I'm glad to have put on both straps of my backpack, I would have shifted too much and he'd know right away.

I stayed silent, most of the time it's better that way. It keeps you from digging yourself into a hole you can't save yourself from.

Jae started coming closer until his breath was warm on my face as he spoke, "I'd hate to find out that all the payment from my boys didn't make it here." His voice was quiet and promising, a promise of a threat that would hold consequences.

My heart rate picked up and I did all I could to not break my gaze from his, I couldn't fuck up now. I needed to get home.

It was too quiet, his jaw clenched and his fists probably matched. I felt my stomach turn and the tips of my nails pinching into the skin of my palms. I didn't want to do it.

But I did. I closed the small space between us and tasted the alcohol on his lips. I felt the urge to gag and every part of my mind grew into a space of self loathing. I only saw him in my mind, the boy I wish I was with.

Jae looked content when I pulled away, speaking softly, "You know I wouldn't do that to you." I knew that would convince him. All the times from last year, this would make him think of that. And I'd be able to leave safely, despite being guilty of what he thought.

I could never do any good.

• ♡ •
i swear this has a happy ending
also go listen to promise