wallflower | taekook

thirty seven.

"Truth never damages a
cause that is just."
— Mahatma Gandhi

Jungkook POV

It made me sick. The feeling on my lips that lingered and the hate entering my mind as I walked through the building to get to the alley. It was still dark out but the sun would be up in a couple hours.

The urge to vomit stayed in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't stop the panic from entering my chest. How could I do that?

Keeping it a secret wasn't an option. I was going to tell Taehyung the first time I get the chance. We've never made anything official between but I still felt so guilty for kissing someone else, for getting myself into this mess. I couldn't stop it, the prick at the back of my eyes and then the tears down my cheeks. They just fell and I let them. The darkness hid it well for me.

I couldn't go home right away. I knew I wouldn't be able to crawl into bed beside him and hold him close without him knowing yet. I had to tell him. And the thought of seeing his face when I did made my heart hurt even more. He'd leave for sure. By now he must be tired of my shit.

To waste time I sat down at the bus stop and waiting for one, tugging on my hoodie and pulling the hoodie over my head. Crying in general was embarrassing, let alone in public. The bus was empty besides for one person is the far back, and now me as I slid into a seat in the middle.

I rested my backpack on my lap and only glanced in for a second, seeing the extra money, and then feeling worse. Not because I stole it, but because I was going to tell Taehyung about that too. No more secrets.

I'm not sure how many stops I stayed on the bus for, but eventually the sky started getting lighter and turning a dull blue. My eyes were heavy with sleep and swollen from crying, so I got off at the next stop and blinked until my vision cleared.

I knew there was a park nearby, so I found a bench and used my backpack as a pillow. Just an hour of sleep was all I needed.

My eyes closed instantly and it felt like seconds later when my alarm went off, "Fucks sake." I mumbled, back popping as I sat up.

The sky was now lighter, the sun peeking over the buildings and streaking across the sky in lights pinks and yellows. On another day I would have taken a picture and sent it to Taehyung, he loves that.

I didn't rehearse what I was going to say to him. Not when I started walking down the sidewalk, and not when my apartment building came into view. I barely thought of anything as I pushed open the doors to the lobby and did my best to stay quiet. People were still sleeping at 6 am.

I knew he would be also, Taehyung never liked to wake up early.

My apartment was quiet and still dark since the curtains were closed. I didn't go into my bedroom because I still think I'd cry if I saw him sleeping there peacefully.

Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm not.
It was not knowing that was bothering me because I'm always going to think the worst.

I don't know how long I sat there on the couch with my head in my hands. My body aches for sleep but at the rate my mind was going I knew it wouldn't come. It didn't matter how long I sat there, because when I heard the door to my bedroom open chills went down my spine. I couldn't have prepared for that.

"Kook?" his voice was still raspy from sleep. I could picture his face, the swollen eyes barely opened and subtle pout as he spoke. My teeth sunk into my lip until I tasted blood, I quickly used my sleeve to wipe at my eyes before turning around and managing a small smile, "Hey you, did you get enough sleep?"