wallflower | taekook

twenty nine.

"There's an ocean of silence
between us, and I'm drowning in it."
— Ranata Suzuki

Jungkook POV

It was too quiet. The open window pouring in cold night air and the sound of traffic wasn't enough to drown out my own mind. The tug of my hair wasn't enough to distract myself from thinking of everything to figure out where I've done wrong.

I knew I was overthinking it. I had no right to be this upset. But I was just embarrassed, always trying to sought out his attention because I'm too scared to be alone and he's doing the opposite to get away behind lies.

I should have just went to sleep, tried to calm down and not fall further; but it was too late and I was too far gone.

Time was a blur, not knowing what was thrown first to alleviate any kind of frustration. It may have been the books, they were closest. But the sound of glass shattering knocked me out of the anger induced trance, a once admired frame laying broken by the door.

I had to get out, find some sort of distraction. The time left at my apartment was short lived, only grabbing what I needed before shoving the contents into my backpack and slamming my door shut, no care for the neighbors around. My phone was left on the couch, absent of any calls or texts from him, and I felt my chest crumble more after thinking he'd even try to come after me.

Everything will be fine by morning.

That's what I told myself as I walked down the empty sidewalk. No one else was out this late, especially the further away from the city you go. The bright lights had dimmed from the distance and only a few street lamps every so often lit the way.

But it was bright enough for me to recognize where I was going, a path taken so often from before it's more familiar than it should be.

Everything will be fine by morning. I repeated in my head, but my steps contradicted this; carrying me further away from progress and closer to hell itself.

I walked past the neon sign of the comedy club, the place Yoongi had brought me for the show not too long ago. I walked past.

The street lamps because fewer but the music became louder, more dirty clubs and bars starting to fill up with lost souls and creeps. The familiarity of it all left a bad taste in my mouth, but I kept walking.

With my eyes trained on the sidewalk, I knew where I was going nonetheless, only stopped a few buildings down to lean against the cold brick wall. My head was spinning and I grimaced as I pulled out my lighter and joint from my back pocket, needing something to calm me down.

The joint sat loosely between my lips as I cupped my hands to try and light the flame, but with the wind and my shaking hands I couldn't get the lighter to work. "For fucks-" I mumbled, the shaking of my hands stopping when another pair took the lighter from me.

His ring clad hands made me sigh and I leaned back against the brick wall. The moon was behind him and cast his face in shadows, but that light laugh as he easily used the lighter and held it up to my face. I too quick drags until the flame set before inhaling deeply, closing my eyes at the feeling.

"Jungkook," a familiar voice laughed lightly, "It's been a while." he grinned.

"Hyunjae." I replied, monotonous and uninterested.

He tsked, shaking his head just slightly, "Is that the way to greet an old friend?" the small grin on his face never faltered, eyes boring into my face as I did my best to ignore him. Hyunjae just chuckled softly again, reaching dangerously close to slip the lighter into the front pocket of my jeans.

"Come on." he said. There was so more light laughs or cheeky smiles, hidden words behind those teeth as he wished to pry into my head, now it was simply a demand. And I knew better than to not listen.

We kept walking down the sidewalk, my breath quickening but hidden behind each drag as I tried to calm myself.

You're stupid Jungkook.

Hyunjae turned left down between two buildings, my legs carrying me to follow like a lost dog. But I was anything but lost.

The air smelled like weed, sweat, and sex; it was so strong the scent must have interwoven into the fabrics of my clothes and would take multiple washes to get out. Voices murmured as we walked farther down the alley and Hyunjae banged on a metal door.

It swung open and smoke drifted out in lazy waves, a visual representation of the minds of everyone here.

"Hyunjae!" someone shouted, obviously glad about his return. There may have been six or seven other guys here, some being pulled away by barely dressed girls.

Walk back home Jungkook.
I put my backpack down.

Hyunjae pulled a chair up and sat down beside the couch where my backpack sat. I finally had a chance to look around, the lights dim and whole room foggy. Part of me wanted to check out who else was here, an old part of me. The other half was just content with talking to Hyunjae.

He was currently sitting on the chair backwards, arms resting on the back of the chair with his legs spread and same smile on his face, "I can't believe it's you."

I laughed at that, the irony. "Well, crazier things have happened."

Before he could reply, another man walked up to him, he had a tattoo on his neck that disappeared underneath his shirt. The mysterious man handed Hyunjin a small clear packet with powdered contents, the label too familiar and I felt my fists clench.

He took it with a nod and the man walked off after receiving what he wanted in return, my old friend looking over at me slowly.

I just shook my head, "Jae, I told you to stay away from me if you were back on that stuff."

"Last time I checked," he simply kept smiling, "I found you on my side of town."

Jae caught me on that, a knowing grin as he tossed a packet towards me. My grip tightened on my backpack and I fumbled with the zipper, my throat felt dry and my hands felt clammy. I'm sure my face was as white as the packet now in my lap. "That's not the distraction I was looking for." I mumbled.

The scrape of chair legs on the ground caught my attention, but I kept on searching through my backpack for my own belongings.

The seat on the couch beside me sunk with Jae's weight, his thigh touching the outside of my own leaving no room for any space. "What kind of distraction were you looking for then?" his breath was hot on my neck, and turning towards him only decreased that space.

The corners of his lips were turned up into a suggestive smirk, his fingers messing with the packet of cocaine on my lap and dangerously close to my crotch.

It was as if he wanted to touch my lips with his own, the quick lean in that was covered by a newly displayed pouch of contents from my backpack, "To make some cash." I said.

Rather than being offended by the rejection, Hyunjae just grinned and stood up, "Let's go then pretty boy."

Soon again my backpack was on my shoulder, along with Jae's arm slung over them as he guided me further into the foggy room and further away from progress.

• ♡ •
why am i crying lol
does anyone wanna let me
know how this book is