Cupboard Love

C H A P T E R 34

SMALL MERCIES

RUEN

"It's not right." Pin was sprawled down on the floor. Leaning on the armrest, John was already down for the count.

"What is?" I sat back down beside her.

"She's out there with another man." She sighed.

"Don't blame her. It was my doing." I stretched my arms. "I wanted to give her the time to think things through."

"Your doing?"

"I arranged it so that she gets to spend the time away from me," I admitted. "I called the execs of her show, offering them a chance and the budget to collaborate with an equally appraised series abroad."

She took a deep breath. "Just like when you broke up with me so that I could be with Prim?"

"No. I am not as selfless as you think I am." I turned to her. "That time I was really hoping you'd choose me, Pin."

"I am sorry." Tears fell from her eyes.

I moved to where she lay and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I share part of the blame too. It was just not meant."

"I just want you to be happy." Taking my hand, she pulled it to her lips. "Are you? Does she make you happy?"

"Yes." I gave her a weak smile then turned to the night sky.

"Now?" She tugged on my hand to get my attention. "How does it feel right now? Don't lie to me, Ruen."

"I am dying." She pulled me to lie down right next to her and pulled me into a hug. "Every snapshot and article are like knives driven straight through my heart."

She tightened her arms around me.

"And the thought of her with him behind closed doors..." I tried to breathe to lessen the sharp pain in my chest. "I died a little bit more."

"Then leave her." Pin said through clenched teeth. "She is hurting you over and over again. Yet why won't you leave her?"

I kept quiet.

I am trying to.

If only my heart would follow.

"Back then, you ran as far away as you can from me. I hurt you one time." She whispered. "Why stay for her?"

"I—"

"You could have at least tried to stay for me back then." She said wistfully. "Why her?"

"I asked you... I asked you why you wanted me to stay." I murmured.

"I remember everything." She loosened her hold. "All of it, as well as begging you to stay."

"You didn't tell me you love me." I turned and laid on my back facing the sky. "You could have lied and told me it was me you want. But you didn't."

"And Lia did?"

"For a moment, she did."

'What if I tell you, I want you too!'

'What if I say I want to stay married to you!'

"Does she love you?"

"I don't know." Sadly, I admitted it out loud. "She must have felt it."

And it scared her.

"Had I done the same..."

"I would have stayed," I said it with conviction and she knew I meant it.