CHAPTER 20 [goodbye]

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Today is Friday. Today Spencer goes home. Today is Megan's party. Today is going to be different, I can already feel it.

Mum suggests I take the day off school to have time with my brother before he leaves. His flight it at 3 in the afternoon and the party starts at 9. My mum knows about the party but we decided its best to keep that from Spencer, so he doesn't turn into a crazed protective brother. Does she know that Jack is going? Hell no, I left that part out for my own safety. Right now it's 10am and me and Spencer are chilling in my living room along with mum and Elliott watching old family videos. Molly was not excited when I told her I wasn't coming school today, but she says that she gets why I'm having the day off with my brother. He hadn't vistited us in nearly a year, so I have no idea when he'll come back, or how long it'll be before I see him again.

We laugh a long as a family watching the old videos. There has been plenty of tears, happy ones and sad. We've seen dad a few times on the screen. He was usually the one recording but even when I heard his voice behind the camera it caused me to break down in tears. I missed that voice so much, everything about him I missed. I just missed my dad. He understood me like no one else. He scared me sometimes but I always told him everything. Right now we're watching one of my old birthday parties, one of my first ones. I was turning three and my parents thought it was a good idea to get me a smash cake. It was pink and purple and as soon as everyone stopped singing happy birthday I giggled as I started to tear into the cake, getting icing all over my face. We all laugh as we see what sort of mess I'm in, but hey, I was only three.

I pull my phone out and record the video on snapchat to send to Molly. I laugh even more when I see it on my screen. When I look back at the TV I see my dad holding me in his arms whilst my mum wipes my face. I smile as a tear falls. "I miss him so much" I whisper, "I miss him too" Spencer says hugging me from the side. "He loved you all so much, he would be so proud of you" my mum says tearing up, me and Spencer both smile and join mum in the hug, "I miss daddy too" Elliott says. Elliott lost dad when he was young so its surprising to think that he remember him at all. When dad passed Elliott would always ask mum to read him a certain book and we didn't get why he made her read it all the time. It was a book about a superhero that helped kids with their fears. One night we asked him why he always chose that book. It brought tears to our eyes when he told us, he said, "daddy always told me that monsters are not real, and now I'm not scared of them anymore, daddy is my superhero" and despite being only 5 at the time, it made so much sense to all of us.

We include Elliott in the hug and after a few seconds we pull apart and Elliott finds his way to sit in my lap. "I'm going to miss all my babies being here together" my mum says, her eyes filling up again, "oh for gods sake mum dont cry" Spencer says pulling only her into a hug, "I'm not going any where, I'm a phone call away and I'll come and visit more often" he says, "you can even come and visit me once in a while" he says pulling out of the hug. "I know it's just, with your dad gone it always feels like something is missing, but when you're all here together, it doesn't feel like such a big part is gone, it just make me happy" she says now in full tears. I see a tear spill from Spencers eyes causing me to cry more. We hug one last time.

Hours pass and before we know it we're on our way to the airport. The drive felt like hours. When we arrive Spencer gets his bags out of the car as me, mum and Elliott wait for him to say goodbye. He picks up Elliott and hugs him first with a huge smile on his face. He puts him down and Elliott reaches for me hand. When I look at Spencer I feel my eyes start to fill up, "don't cry little sis, I'll see you soon" he says pulling me into a hug, "I'm going to miss arguing with you everday big bro" I say as we let go, "don't get more cocky when I'm gone" he says, I laugh as a tear falls. He hugs my mum last and tears spill out of her eyes like waterfalls. "Mum please, I'll call you everyday" Spencer says, "you better do boy, and stay out of trouble" she says inbetween sobs. "I love you all" Spencer says pulling us into one last hug. "Goodbye" we shout as Spencer walks off into the airport. As much as I hate to give him the satifaction of saying it, but I really am going to miss him. I forgot what it was like having him around, and it was good. Better than it used to be. He has changed for the better and kept himself out of trouble and I love that we were able to be a family again. I missed it all.

When I get home I see Molly sitting on my front step. "She's here early" my mum says pulling up, "I know she is" I say getting out the car. "Heyyyyy, awe he's already gone" she says realising Spencer isn't with us, "yeah" I say, "I didn't get to say goodbye" she says, "awe well I'll see him soon enough" she laughs. We walk inside and go straight to my room. "So, what colour are you wearing" she asks, "I don't know yet" I say, "you've been saying that for the past three days, girl just put the black on" she says going into my closet. "The black dress is kind of risky tho, like it shows off a lot a boobage" I say, "they both do, that's the point" Molly says in a 'duh' tone walking out of my closet with the dress in hand. "I don't know" I say, "oh come on, it's a party takes some risks" she says putting the dress beside me, "you're forgetting, I'm not you, I don't like parties" I say, "well I'm going to be your guide" she says. I roll me eyes and just agree with it knowing there's no way I'm getting out of this party.

I don't know if I want to wear the black after all. I know Jack is wearing black but if I do too it means that I'm letting something happen between us, and I cant let myself do that. But then again, if I don't wear the black, I feel like it's going to hurt Jack in some way.

After a few hours we decide to get ready. Molly brought a white two piece the other day when we went shopping that she's wearing. It is a plain white cropped top paired with a white skirt. She puts on some staple deep red lipstick and straightens her hair so it is slick. I however, am still deciding what dress to wear. I have the same dress but one is grey, the other is black. Molly is always extra when it comes to parties, I however never really go. I also only wear dressed if it's some where fancy. The dresses are short with a low cut, they're both risky because they show off my boobs and I don't feel too comfortable with it, but I'm willing to take risks for this party. I'm trying to learn to love them so I'm so as awkward for the end of year. Molly has been told about several parties happening over the next few weeks before the end of year, only two of them she's planning on going to and I said I'll tag along.

I curl my hair so its in loose curls instead of letting my natural ones fall. I wear natural make up, not wanting to be too extreme and I'm happy with the way I look when I'm finished. I put on a black chocker with a rose gold pendant on it. Right now, I'm in shorts and a baggy top trying to choose between the two dresses. Each colour means something different. Either colour I wear could cause problems. "Hurry up and chose, it's nearly 9" Molly says looking up from her, "I thought said you didn't want to get there bang on 9" I say looking over to her, "yeah, like near enough for 10, just hurry up I wanna see what colour you pick" she rolls her eyes looking back to her phone. "Flip a coin" I say and she lifts her head up, "what" she asks, "I'm finding it too hard to choose just flip a coin" I say, "fine" she says standing up. I turn around to my desk to grab a coin off of it. "Heads for grey, tails for black" I say, she nods her head as I give her the coin. After a few seconds of waiting she finally flips the coin and covers it with her other hand. "You sure you want to do it this way?" she asks looking at me, I nod my head. after a few seconds she finally moves her hand away to reveal what is on the coin. At least I know what dress I'm wearing now. I look over to the dresses and pick the one up I'm going to wear and get changed.

I stare at myself for few minutes in the mirror when Molly calls me back into my bed room. "It's 9:30" she says, "we're leaving soon" she says smiling, I nod my head. She looks at my outfit and smirks, "girl you look hot" she says looking me up and down I laugh. "Please, have you seen yourself" I say, she smiles, "what this old thing" she says sarcastically. I roll my eyes and grab my phone off my desk. "You ready" Molly says resting her head on my should as I look down to my phone, "totally" I say looking at her. She smiles and grabs my hand as we walk down the stairs and out the door. I make sure to shout "love you" before I close it behind us.

This party is going to be interesting.

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