Left Out (Demi Lovato)

Chapter 72: Let It Go

"Tell me about your hospital visit."

"Well," I start, "I was there a while ago... and..." I pause, "they sent me to the psych ward."

"Why?"

"I cut myself and the person that found me thought that I was trying to kill myself."

"Were you?" she asks quietly.

"I don't know. Not on purpose."

"Okay... In order to solve the problem, we need to figure out why you did it in the first place. When did you cut for the first time?"

"Um... I think I was 11, almost 12."

"And was there anything significant happening at that time in your life?"

"I... um... think that was when I switched foster homes."

"Do you remember first going into foster care?" she asks, looking at me.

"Yeah, I guess."

We talk for a little longer about my foster homes and then I notice that Demi is outside waiting for me.

"Time's up. See you in 2 days, Hayley."

I nod and smile slightly before leaving the office. Demi said that in order to continue living with her, I have to go to therapy every other day for at least 2 weeks until she feels like I can go down to once a week. She's very strict when it comes to my recovery and I don't think that she'll let anything slide.

I slide into the passenger seat of Demi's car.

"How was therapy?" Demi questions as she starts driving back home.

"Okay," I answer, not in the mood to talk.

"Is there anything that she wants you to work on?"

"Alternatives to," I take a deep breath, "cutting."

"So, do you want to go get something for an alternative?"

"Maybe some books," I reply. "I already have music, but I love to read."

"Okay."

Demi and I spend the rest of the day out together in the city. I even eat supper. Sure, I tried to go throw it up after, but it stayed down due to Demi's persistence.

When we arrive back at home that evening, Demi seems to be less upset about the whole situation. After-all, she's been through the same things before and has hopefully forgiven me. 

"I know this isn't therapy, but why did you ever start?" Demi asks.

"Cutting?"

She nods.

"Well, I guess I just was depressed. I don't know."

"It's okay; I don't blame you," she says. "I wasn't even that mad at you. I just care. You are beautiful and no matter what happens I will still care for you. I love you, Hayley."

I feel choked up and pause to let Demi hug me. Her hug feels safe and welcoming, like I was never alone to begin with. And for the first time in a long time, I think that everything will be okay, someday.