My Idol

twenty two

The two of you rode the elevator down, heading out onto the busy sidewalks. You waved at Minhae on the way out, earning you a glance from Tae, and you rolled your eyes at him. But you smiled to yourself, because you were pretty sure he was jealous, and that made you feel good.

~ ♡ ~

~ Taehyungs pov ~

I hadn't planned to bring up the whole keeping her a secret thing just yet. I mostly wanted to apologize to her for standing her up due to practice taking so long.

But she wasn't mad at me, and she had made me feel better about it. Then she had asked if we were together, and I didn't see any way to answer without bringing it up.

I was so afraid that she would want nothing to do with me after I told her that we would have to hide our relationship. But that wasn't the case. She was a bit scared, and understandably so. But I told her it would be okay, I would make sure of it.

She made me feel so many things that I couldn't even explain, and I didn't know what to do about it. I'd never been in a serious relationship before. I'd had girlfriends that lasted a week or two... but this felt different. So much different. Everything about it was different.

I don't take relationships lightly. Unfortunately, I have a hard time saying no to people, for fear of hurting their feelings. The few relationships I've been in weren't initiated by me. They were girls I knew before I became a part of BTS, and they had done the asking.

I lost my virginity at 17. It wasn't anything special. The girl was experienced. I was too naive to say no. We had sex twice. I didn't know enough to regret it back then, and I hadn't slept with anyone since. I know that may be hard to believe, being almost 6 years, but I decided that it wasn't something I wanted to do, unless it meant something. Call me weird. I wanted to wait for someone special, someone I felt something for.

Now, after meeting y/n, I realized how much I actually do regret it. I'd pretty much put the whole experience out of my mind, because it really was just sex. There were no feelings attached to it. If I could go back now and change it, I would. But I'm not going to dwell on it. Instead, I'm going to do everything I can to  make sure y/n knows how special she is to me. I didn't know how long she was going to be around. But I knew I didn't want her to leave anytime soon.

We were on our way to my practice, and neither one of us had said anything since we left the hotel. I side-glanced at her, and she looked thoughtful. I grabbed her hand, and she jumped, looking at me with wide eyes. "Tae, I thought..."

"It's fine y/n, no one is paying any attention. We were holding hands before we realized how we felt, so why should we stop now? "

She looked at me, uncertain, glancing around to see if anyone was looking at us. They weren't. She started to relax, and I smiled. "Don't be so obvious, otherwise, people will start looking."

She took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds. "Sorry."

"It's okay, don't apologize. I don't blame you for being worried." We walked a little more, and she seemed to be back to herself, smiling as she looked at different things along the way. She seemed to finally realize that no one was really paying any attention to us at all.

My phone went off, and I stopped to see who it was. It was Jimin texting me, wanting to know where I was. I replied that I was on my way, letting him know that y/n was coming with me. He sent a smiley face, and said he would let the rest know.

We started walking again. We were about 10 minutes away, and I slowed my pace, wanting to spend as much time with just her as I could, before we got to practice and I had to share her with the other guys.

"Hey Tae, could you help me with something when you get time? I don't think I can do it without help."

"I can try, what is it?"

"Can you help me find an apartment? I looked online already, but since I can't read or speak Korean, I can't very well check on an apartment. I just know that I don't want to live in a hotel indefinitely."

An apartment...I tried not to smile to big. "Um, yeah, sure, I can look with you, and see what we can find for you. Does that mean you've decided to stay in Seoul awhile?" My heart had started beating louder, and I wondered if she could hear it.

"I think I have. I really like it here so far. I thought about seeing if I could get a job too. I just don't know how well that would work out, only speaking English. But I feel like I need one, my savings won't last forever."

I couldn't describe how I was feeling right now if I had to. Happy was an understatement. "Well, I'll help you however I can. I'm sure we can figure something out."

We had reached the building, and I pushed the door opened, letting her go in first. I grabbed her hand again and we walked to the elevator, where I hit the button for the 11th floor. One of the staff hopped into the elevator before the doors closed, and said hi, smiling at me. I bowed, and gave her a smile. She got off on the 9th floor, and it was just y/n and myself.

We finally got to the practice room, and when I opened the door and walked in, everyone looked up, and ran over to say hi to y/n. Jimin got there first, a big smile on his face. "Hey y/n, so you came to watch us practice? I'm glad your not mad at us for not telling you what we do."

She smiled. "I'm not mad, and I think it's kinda cool that I get to be friends with all you guys. I'm sure there's millions of fans who'd love to be your friends!"

Namjoon was next to speak. "We're glad to have you as a friend y/n. And I apologize for not telling you. I guess I was just enjoying talking with someone who didn't have  clue who I was, or what I did. It was nice to be able to have a normal conversation, ya know?"

She smiled at him, nodding her head. "I guess I can appreciate that. I hadn't really thought of it that way. So, it's really okay that I watch you guys? Taehyung isn't going to get in trouble for bringing me, is he?"

"No, of course not" J-hope said. "We can have friends come and watch, as long as we aren't being recorded."

Namjoon said we needed to start, so I took y/n to a chair across the room, and she sat, a big grin on her face, looking around the room, clearly wanting to see everything. This was a practice that we had decided to do ourselves. We pretty much had the choreography down, and didn't have to be practicing, but we were always harder on ourselves then we needed to be. We all wanted to make sure we didn't make any mistakes, so we practiced a lot.

We started, and I had to remind myself not to look at y/n. I wanted to, just to see her reaction, but I also knew I needed to focus. We did the choreography once, and when we finished, I looked over at her, to see her staring at us. She was leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her chin resting in one hand, her fingers over her mouth, her eyes wide.

"How'd we do, y/n?" J-hope yelled.

"Oh my God...you guys are amazing!" She had a smile from ear to ear.

All the guys smiled, high fiving each other. Y/n laughed, and it was music to my ears.

We spent the next several hours practicing, stopping in between for breaks. We finally ordered dinner, and we all sat on the floor in the practice room, sharing everything like we usually did. I got to feed y/n again, and the guys all laughed because she couldn't get the hang of the chopsticks, but then they all offered to take turns feeding her. She laughed and said that she was full, and couldn't eat another bite.

I was glad. I didn't think I could have watched any of them feeding her. Jimin had noticed my discomfort, because he'd come and sat next to me, and quietly told me that they were just trying to be nice, and not to let it bother me. I knew he was right. But I felt like I needed to let the rest of them know that y/n was mine.