My Idol

thirty six

I felt my eyes fill with tears as I tried to continue reading, but It didn't matter that I couldn't see well enough to make out the words written there, because I really didn't want to know what they said. I didn't want to know that she had left me, or why.

~ ♡ ~

You didn't know where to start, except to ask for forgiveness. This was the hardest thing you had ever done. You knew what you felt in your heart, but trying to put it down on paper was not easy at all.

Dear Taehyung, Please forgive me. I don't know where to start, so I'll just start by saying that I love you. I wish I had had the courage to stand and face you, and tell you that I was leaving, and why, but I didn't, I couldn't. I'm sorry.

I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything to cause me to leave. I made a choice, because I didn't want you to have to. I couldn't let you choose me over your career. I would have felt like I was taking your livelihood away from you. I love you too much to do that to you.

Please know that you really are my whole world. That won't ever change. I will love you forever. You've taught me things about myself that I'd have never learned without you. With you, I smiled every day, for a million different reasons. It became impossible not to smile.

There are so many things I'm going to miss. The warmth of your hand holding mine. The sound of your voice, especially when you'd sing, but even when you'd just say my name. Your lips pressed against mine, and how your kisses tasted like cocoa. Your eyes, and how you'd look at me like I was the only person you could see. Your smile, and how it was often there for no particular reason. Your laugh, it was the most beautiful music of all. You...I'm going to miss you, so fucking much...

Just remember that I am never not thinking of you. You have made me a better person, by showing me how to love, and be loved. I'll never love anyone like I love you, and I'll never forget you, I never want to.

Please, don't hate me.

Love, Y/n

You couldn't hold back your tears. You really wanted to say more, but you were too emotional to think straight.

You left the letter on the table, and walked into the living room, crying so hard you had to sit down. You looked around, but everything was just a blur, your tears refusing to stop.

You finally reminded yourself that you were doing the right thing, wiping the tears away and getting up. You were sad that you wouldn't get to live here, with Taehyung. But this way, he could sell it if he wanted to. You took your phone out, and silenced it, because you didn't want to get a message from Tae, and be tempted to stay. You would ignore any for now.

You walked to the door, grabbing your bag and suitcase, swallowing the lump in your throat as you opened the door. You stepped out, making sure it was locked, and pulled it closed behind you.

This was it. You were going home. You were going to forget about Tae. No you weren't. You would never forget him. But you were going to let him live the life he wanted to live.