My Idol

thirty seven

'Taehyung: Why? Just please tell me why. I love you. I told you that I would choose you, and I'm so sorry that I left you alone when you were upset. I should have chosen you. I do choose you. Nothing means anything without you. Please come back. Please, I need you. Tae'

~ ♡ ~

Taehyung's POV

I turned, with tears running down my face, and made my way blindly up stairs to the bedroom, the letter in my hand.

I sat on the bed, feeling something under me, and realized it was the robe I'd put on y/n when I'd realized she was standing there watching me get dressed, totally naked herself.

I pulled it out from under me, burying my face in it, and crying even harder, sliding to the floor at the end of the bed, the letter fluttering down next to me.

I needed to know why she left. I didn't understand. It made no sense to me at all. Was she afraid, because of the need to keep our relationship a secret, and trying to find a way out of it?

I dried my tears with the robe, and picked up the piece of paper. I was afraid to read it, afraid that if I read it thru to the end, it would make it all real. Maybe, if I didn't read it, this would end up being a nightmare, and I'd wake up in the morning with y/n curled up against my side.

I punched the floor, and felt a sharp pain in my hand. This was definitely real. I looked at the piece of paper, the words coming into focus.

Dear Taehyung, Please forgive me. I don't know where to start, so I'll just start by saying that I love you. I wish I had had the courage to stand and face you, and tell you that I was leaving, and why, but I didn't, I couldn't. I'm sorry.

I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything to cause me to leave. I made a choice, because I didn't want you to have to. I couldn't let you choose me over your career. I would have felt like I was taking your livelihood away from you. I love you too much to do that to you.

Please know that you really are my whole world. That won't ever change. I will love you forever. You've taught me things about myself that I'd have never learned without you. With you, I smiled every day, for a million different reasons. It was impossible not to smile.

There are so many things I'm going to miss. The warmth of your hand holding mine. The sound of your voice, especially when you'd sing, but even when you'd just say my name. Your lips pressed against mine, and how your kisses tasted like cocoa. Your eyes, and how you'd look at me like I was the only person you could see. Your smile, and how it was often there for no particular reason. Your laugh, it was the most beautiful music of all. You...I'm going to miss you, so fucking much...

Just remember that I am never not thinking of you. You have made me a better person, by showing me how to love, and be loved. I'll never love anyone like I love you, and I'll never forget you, I never want to.

Please, don't hate me.

Love, Y/n

I sat there, thinking back, trying to figure out why she would think I would ever consider choosing my career over her...over a family of my own one day, and why she didn't want me to choose her.