My Idol

forty three

Once you had both caught your breath, Tae moved to lay beside you, and like every time before, pulled you into his arms, and held you, letting you fall asleep to the beat of his heart, and you knew without a doubt, that his heart beat only for you.

~ ♡ ~

You stayed in his arms until the sun was up, your eyes opening as a sliver of light peeked thru the small opening in the curtains that he'd drawn closed. Your hand rested on his chest, and you drew little hearts with your finger, while his hand rubbed your shoulder, his lips against your head.

"What made you decide to come back?" He finally whispered.

You sighed. "I missed you...so much." You were glad you couldn't see his face, afraid you would see pain in his eyes. "I kept questioning my decision to leave. I thought I was doing the right thing, at first ." You chewed on your bottom lip. "Honestly, if it weren't for my friend Donna, and Jimin, I may not have come back yet."

He moved, adjusting so that he could look at you.

"Jimin? You were in contact with Jimin?" He looked confused.

"Only recently. I sent him a text right before I bought my plane ticket. I was already planning on coming back, after talking with my friend Donna. But after hearing what Jimin told me, it made me even more determined to get here as quickly as I could."

"What did he tell you?" He asked quietly.

"That I had misunderstood him that morning, that you would never just leave BTS. He basically said BTS was all of you or none of you, and that if I was going to be a part of your life, I just had to be able to accept that, and know that I wouldn't always come first, until you all decided it was time to stop, and settle down."

He gave you a small smile. "You will always come first, you are the most important thing to me, but BTS is important to me too. I will have to leave you behind sometimes, but that doesn't mean I'll like it. Just remember when things like that happen, when we can't be together for a period of time, that I am never not thinking of you."

You tried to smile, but you were too emotional over both what he'd said, and the fact that he'd quoted you. Then you remembered what else Jimin had told you.

"Jimin also told me that you hadn't been taking care of yourself, or eating right, and that you hadn't been going to practice... I'm so sorry I caused all that Tae... I'm so sorry that I didn't talk to you first."

"It's not your fault Y/n, I should have never left you here alone, especially since I knew something was bothering you. I should have stayed with you, and made you talk to me. Instead, I assumed that you would talk when you were ready. I'll never make that mistake again."

You reached up and touched his cheek, caressing it gently, amazed at how forgiving he was.

"You don't have to worry, Tae. I will never keep anything from you ever again. If something is bothering me, I'll tell you. I promise."

He leaned towards you, and kissed you softly, pushing the hair back out of your face to cradle your cheek in his hand. You stared at him, still amazed at how perfectly beautiful he was, in every way possible.

"So, what did your friend Donna tell you that helped you decide to come back?"

You smiled fondly...thinking of Donna, and remembering how happy she'd been when you told her you were leaving to fly back to Korea. She'd offered to drive you to the airport, and you declined, telling her you'd already called for a taxi. She'd hugged you, telling you she was going to miss you, and making you promise to keep in touch. You planned to call her as soon as you got a chance.

"She told me that when you find the person you're supposed to be with, nothing will keep you apart, no matter how much you fight it. She said that you were the other half of my heart, soul, mind and body, and that I needed you."

"She sounds like a very wise woman. I think I like her very much." He smiled at you, that smile that you'd missed so much. "Seriously though,  I'm glad you went to her when you left."

"I am too." You smiled sadly. "I learned that she had found her soulmate, and had also lost him. He got sick and passed away. But she cherishes the time she had with him, and says she wouldn't change a thing. It made me really think. You can end up with the wrong person, and have a lifetime with them, maybe happy, maybe not, or you can meet your soulmate, and maybe only get half of that lifetime with them before you lose them, and still feel like you have lived a better life, because you spent it with the person you were meant to spend it with. It's scary, but at the same time, it's comforting."

He kissed your forehead, and pulled you close to him, hugging you tightly.

"I don't even want to think about losing you. Not again. I don't think I even realized how much I needed you, until you weren't here."

You closed your eyes, burying your face against his neck, letting him hold you close.

"I'm never going to forgive myself, Tae. I can't even tell you how sorry I am. It breaks my heart when I think about the fact that you shut yourself in this room, not eating, barely sleeping, not taking care of yourself. It's all my fault."

He looked at you, brows drawn together. "I don't want you to blame yourself. I should have paid more attention to you. I took you for granted, believing that you knew and accepted everything that came along with being involved with me. Even though I knew something was on your mind, I didn't realize how important that something was."

His phone dinged, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"They're going to have to do without me for one more day, because I'm not leaving you today."

He reached across you for his phone on the nightstand, and opened the message, his mouth twisting into a smirk.

Jimin: I know you won't be coming into practice today, so don't worry about it. Just don't wear yourself out today, 🤭 and for the love of God, make sure you're here tomorrow morning. I can't cover for you anymore.

"So...Jimin knew you were on your way back when he was here last night..." he looked at you, one eyebrow raised.

You pouted, trying not to smile, and gave a little nod.

"That explains why he didn't make sure I had at least one piece of kimbap, and why he was in such a hurry to leave." He frowned at you, trying to look serious. "So you two are keeping secrets now?"

"N...no, I just, I wanted to surprise you, and that's how I got in, Jimin l...left me his key." You tried to sound scared of him, playing along with his game.

"Hmm, this calls for punishment. Little girls shouldn't keep secrets from their daddy." His eyes flashed, and your heartbeat quickened as you wondered if he was serious.

He looked at you, his eyes unreadable as he chewed on the inside of his lip, clearly deep in thought.

"W...what are you going to do t...to me?" You weren't faking anymore.

"I haven't decided that yet, but whatever I do to you, you have to keep quiet, for all of it. If you make noise, every sound that leaves your lips is one day that you don't get to kiss me, or touch me."

You drew in a sharp breath, looking at him through narrowed eyes. "Y...you wouldn't do that, b...because that would be punishment for you too..."

His eyes widened slightly, brows going up. "Try me..."

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