Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 30

FAITH POV: I'm back at home now, and I'm ordered to take it easy for the next few weeks. I really need to get out and do some press, before Carrie turns the press against us. 

Seeing Tim is... weird. First, I felt angry. I mean, I just discovered he cheated on me. Timing is everything... Secondly, I felt almost relieved that he was here. I have my best friend back in a sense... Of course this best friend is a major unfaithful, royal dick... but still.

"So, you can see my dreams?" I ask curiously. He lays down next to me with his hands laid on his chest. 

"Mhm." He says. He grabs my hand. I'm sitting up with my legs crossed, picking at one of my ratty pillows. He pulls my hand down, causing me to fall on him. He laughs and tries to tickle me. 

"Stop!" I laugh. He smiles his priceless smile, as he lets me go. I lay my head on his chest and try to catch my breath. "You're an ass." I say, smacking his stomach. He laughs. God, I missed his laugh. 

"Faith, this is really bothering me." He says, running his fingers through my hair. 

"What is?" I ask, beginning to worry. 

"Why did you say it was a miscarriage?" He asks. I'm sort of relieved that he wasn't talking about seeing me. 

"I think it made it easy for me to say." I say, putting my hand on his chest. I look up into his warm brown eyes, as he looks up at the ceiling. 

"Does anyone know?" He asks. 

"Just the girls and Betty." I say. 

"Not even Gary?" He asks. 

"Not even Gary." I reinstate. "Well my doctor knows. But that's because..."

"Explain what happened, please." He says. I look up at him and swallow, knowing I'm probably going to cry. 

"I was downstairs cooking dinner, while she was asleep. I guess the crib malfunctioned, because she managed to roll out of it. She hit her head. So I took her to the hospital, and got it checked out, and they said it was just a bruise and nothing to worry about. Then about three days later, I came in to check on her around like 4 am. She was cold." I say, shuddering at the memory. Tim massages his jaw. "She had a brain bleed that they didn't see on any of the scans. She was so young, and the public had no idea that she had even been born..." Tim nods. 

"I understand." He says. 

"I went to Kendricks and asked if it would've been painful for her. He just gave me a sad look that said it all." I say.  "I wish I could've known..."

"You did everything you could do." He says. 

"I loved her so much." I cry. He starts to hum to me, while holding onto me tightly. 

"She's in a better place now." He says. That only makes me cry harder. 

"Is it selfish of me to still want her here?" I ask, while Tim wipes my tears gently. 

"No." He says. "You were her mother. She was only a few weeks old. You believed you had more time than you were given. I mean, nobody expects to lose their child, Faith." He continues. I nod. "Babies aren't supposed to die." I bury my head in his chest. God, he even smells good. 

"I just want her back." I say. 

"I know you do, baby. There's nothing we can do." He says. The sound of him saying we makes me feel at ease again. The thought of going through something with a partner makes me feel calm. I don't feel as alone. 

"Was it wrong of me to want more kids? Do you think that's why they did it?" I ask. Tim shakes his head. 

"No. Baby, I know this might sound wrong, but I think this was another challenge that was handed to you. It's a test, if you pass, you'll get the best in life." I sit for a moment and think. "It's just seeing how strong you are. You're the strongest girl I know, so I'm sure something good will come around."  He says. I nod.