Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 45

TIM POV: Faith fell asleep next to me on the back porch. Her head is laid on my shoulder and she breathes heavily. Every once in a while, she twitches. I wonder if she's having a nightmare, but I continue to look at the stars. They make me feel so insignificant and small. Like all of my problems are a grain of sand.

What if I lost Faith? What would I do? My head begins to run through every possibility. The reality is, I probably would leave the girls to my mother, and kill myself. I wouldn't be able to take it... I love the girls, but I would only be harmful to them at that point. I would most likely be intoxicated every moment after her passing. It wouldn't be a good environment for the girls to grow up in. 

Faith twitches again, but this time something is different. She begins to groan. I see a tear slip from her eye as she clinches onto my arm tightly. 

"Baby..." I whisper to her, giving her a gentle shake. Her head falls off my shoulder as I feel her release my arm. She seems to be limp. "Faith?" I say, getting up to investigate. My heart rate begins to skyrocket as I realize that she's unresponsive. I check for a pulse, but she has none. I open her eyes to see that her pupils are pinpoints. I run inside and call an ambulance. After I get off the phone, I call Mom over to help manage the girls. I think about screaming up to Gracie for help, but then it hits me that she is still only 9 years old... She isn't 17 like before...

I run back out to Faith, and I wrap her in a blanket. I begin CPR, but it's no use. She's out like a light. I lay her down on the ground, flat, so she is more comfortable. I hear the ambulance pull up as EMT's rush to her. Before I know it, we are heading downtown to Vanderbilt hospital. We pass Betty on the way there, so I know she is there with the girls. 

I've been sitting in the waiting room for hours. I stare at my palms and rub them together to rid them of sweat. My nerves are through the roof. I'm about to lose my mind if I stay here any longer. Finally, Kendricks walks over to me. 

"Mr. McGraw, we are so sorry to tell you that Faith has suffered a severe brain aneurysm. We have been able to get her stable, but she is still unconscious. We are not sure if she can come back from this trauma or not." Kendricks' nurse says. Kendricks looks at me with eyes that tell me the whole story. 

"Can I see her?" I ask quietly, as tears begin to fall. Kendricks nods. 

"Yes, you can." He answers softly. Kendricks walks me back to her room. He opens the door to reveal her laying almost lifeless in a hospital bed. She looks tucked in tight as her hands are laid by her thighs. I pull up a chair next to her and sit down. "She has brain damage, Tim." Kendricks says. I look up at him. 

"How bad?" I ask. 

"Bad. There's not much we can do. It's in her hands now." He says. I feel as if the roles have been reversed. Just a few weeks ago, I was laying in the bed while she sits a worries. Was this because of me? Was this because of my questioning? Kendricks walks out of the room quietly as I sit next to Faith. 

"I'm so sorry baby..." I say quietly, brushing between her eyes. Her head has been shaved since they had to operate. She's still as gorgeous bald as she was before. I want to see her eyes flutter open. I want to see her smile. I've gone so long without seeing her happiness, and now it's been taken away from me again... "Honey, please stay with me. I'll give you anything to stay." I say. No change. 

A few hours later, Kendricks comes back in and sits down next to me. 

"Why did this happen?" I ask. Kendricks shrugs his shoulders and sighs. 

"It must've been a combination of the stress. I mean, having the baby and worrying about you and the kids, it would definitely put some stress on her." He says. "I mean, this was nothing that could've been prevented. These things are like earthquakes. There's no warning, and the screw up everything..." He says. I try to think about the metaphor. 

"Will she remember me?" I ask. He looks down at his feet for a moment before looking back up at me. 

"I honestly don't know, Tim." He says. My breath is taken away at the thought. What if she wakes up with no semblance of who I am? What if she doesn't remember the girls? "Just, be prepared for either way. We won't know until she wakes up." He adds. I nod and take a deep breath as he stands up. He pats me on the back on his way out of the room. I rub Faith's arm, trying to show her that I'm still here. She's been all I have for a long time. For the entire period of my coma, she was the only one who could see me. She was the only person I could talk to for 8 years... 

The whole idea about talking to people besides her is still seemingly new to me. I normally don't understand they are talking to me until they finish their statement and let the silence fill the air. 

I sit for a moment and try to pray, but it's no use. I haven't prayed in so long that I really don't remember how. Last time I prayed was when Dad was sick. Although in real time that was only two years ago, to me it was ten years. I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything. 

I stare down at Faith. Her newly shaven head shines as the fluorescent glare down on her. I flip the switch and turn on a small lamp in the room, making it more comfortable lighting wise. That way she can sleep better... She looks sick. She's pale, and slightly yellow. A breathing tube is jammed down her throat. I watch as her chest comes up and down. It brings me peace when I hear her breathe. 

She has a long scar running down the back of her head. It's bright purple now, with little scratches of blood. Although she's been through some trauma, she still looks beautiful. I can't help but smile at her. Every part of her is beautiful, with or without hair. I guess part of me smiles in anticipation. I want to see her smile... I want to hear her voice... 

One more day... I tell myself. Just one more day till she'll wake up....