Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 33

FAITH POV: "Girls, you know how much I love you, right?" I say. The girls all nod. Tim is going balistic behind me, like a child. "Well, recently a lot of stuff has came up about your dad in the public. I think it's better than I talk to you guys about it, before the public does. Okay?" 

"Sure." Gracie says, holding onto Audrey and Maggie. 

"Don't you fucking dare." Tim says, pacing behind me. 

"Daddy and I loved each other very dearly." I say. "Sometimes, when you're married, one of them isn't very happy. So they turn to other people to help fill whats missing." I explain. 

"Did Dad cheat?" Gracie asks. I nod. 

"Fuck you. You fucking bitch!" Tim screams. I ignore him. 

"You're father will always love you guys. The decision he made was not based on his affection towards you at all." I explain. They nod sadly. "Okay, there's also something else..." I say, thinking about how to explain the whole concept of prison to the girls. "Dad went to jail for a little bit." I say, not sugar coating it this time. 

"For what?" Maggie asks. 

"Did he hurt someone?" Audrey asks. 

"Dad made a mistake." I start. Tim's losing his mind. 

"Stop please, Faith." He begs. 

"He was really young and did something he shouldn't have done. When you guys are older, you'll be able to know more." I say. They nod. 

"Was Dad a bad guy?" Audrey asks, clinging onto her sister. I sit for a second, praying I didn't ruin their image of him. 

"No honey. He just made a lot of mistakes." I say. 

"He doesn't sound like a great guy." Gracie says under her breath. I sit for a moment, wanting to scold her. 

"Why don't you girls go downstairs and rent a movie?" I say. They all cheer and march downstairs with their blankets and pillows. I look back at Tim, who's sitting with his head in his hands. "It had to be done." I say. 

"I'm..." He starts. "I'm not going to do this right now." He says, turning to leave the room. I walk over to my mirror and pick at the medical tape that they placed over the cut on my head. I don't want to make the girls hate Tim. I just don't want to let someone else ruin their memory of him. That's all they have left. 

Tim walks back in. He looks like he's trying to say something, but nothing's coming out. He points downstairs. 

"Maggie and Audrey are crying." He says, a tear sliding down his cheek. I run past him and downstairs. 

"What's wrong?" I say, walking down to see Gracie consoling the both of them. 

"I miss daddy." Maggie cries out. Audrey nods. I look at Gracie, who looks practically emotionless. 

"You okay Gracie?" I ask. She nods. 

"Yeah." She answers quietly. 

"Daddy will always be here for you guys, whether you guys know it or not." I say looking at Tim, who's still crying a little. He's too macho to just let himself cry. 

"Dad doesn't love us." Gracie says. Tim looks at me desperately. 

"He does love you. He loves you so much, that he'd take a bullet for all of you." I say, knowing that in retrospect, he did. He took a bullet for each of us. 

"Then why did he cheat, Mom?" Maggie asks. 

"That was based off of his feelings for me, not you guys. He would give you all the world if he had the chance." I say. 

"Who was it?" Gracie asks. 

"I can't tell you guys about that." I say. Tim stares at me, then looks down at the floor. 

"The news said it was Carrie Underwood." She says. 

"Why were you watching the news?" I ask her. 

"We were trying to find a movie. It was on." She says. I put my head in my hands for a second. 

"It was her." I say, knowing I can't lie to them. 

"Why?" She asks. 

"I don't know, baby." I say. "So is everyone okay?" I ask. They nod. I find them a movie and head back upstairs to talk with Tim. 

"Where are we going to start?" Tim says, sounding very uptight. 

"You will never ever touch me in the car ever again." I say, thinking about the hundreds of possibilities. He nods. 

"Okay." He says. He sounds reserved and extraordinarily angry with me. 

"I'm sorry, okay?" I say. He nods slowly. "I had to..." 

"No." He says. "You didn't have to." And here it goes. 

"What, you want me to lie to them?" I yell.

"No. Just keep it vague until they're old enough to understand the situation. That's all you'd have to do." He says. 

"And what? Have a kid at school tell them?" I say. 

"Why the hell would kids at school even know?" He argues. 

"They're kids. They hear their parents." 

"Since when did you and I talk about celebrity gossip in front of the kids?" He asks. 

"Never, because we weren't those kind of parents." I say. He rolls his eyes. 

"Why does everything not apply to us in your eyes?" He screams. 

"I shouldn't have married you." I say under my breath, while walking to my dresser to find pajamma's. 

"What?" Tim says as the silence begins to settle. 

"You heard me." I say, continuing to look through my clothes. I find Tim's old shirt and a pair of shorts. Given our argument currently, I put back his shirt and find one of mine. 

"So, you just wish everything never happened?" He says. 

"I never said that. I wouldn't be able to give up the girls." I say. 

"Okay, but you wish everything besides the girls never happened?"  He says. I nod. "Wow." 

"It always ends like this, Tim." I say. "There's always a flaw. I'm sick of having complications on everything."

"So, I'm a complication in your eyes." He says, biting the inside of his cheek. 

"Stop playing that game, Tim. You and I both know how this goes." 

"Faith, I loved you. And I'm fairly sure you loved me too. What's more to it than that?" He asks. 

"We have kids and lives and careers, Tim. It's not that easy." I say.

"We are supposed to be a team." He says. I begin to lose my composure. 

"You're dead, Tim! You're gone. So, right now, I'm trying to pick up what's left of my life." I say. "I can't keep defending you."

"I'm not asking you to defend me." He says raising his voice. "You keep pretending like our marriage was nothing but absolute shit, when the reality is that we were in love." 

"You've done nothing but hurt me." I say, hoping it'll make him shut up. 

"What?" 

"Everything you do hurts me." I repeat. 

"Bullshit." 

"You hurt everyone around you Tim. You don't need me to tell you that."