Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 55

FAITH POV: I stare at Tim and try to forget about that night. I hate him... To be honest, I hate both of them right now. Tim is supposed to be here to protect me. Now he can do nothing but stare. He's fighting.

He can't continue to fight this battle. It seems like everytime I turn away, Tim's dodging bullets... for me. He's in love with me... But it makes no sense to me as to why. Why would he fall in love with a woman like me? I'm a mere child, if that. I'm scared and timid. I don't trust easily. What about that screams perfection to him? What makes him throw his life on the line for my insignifcant breath? He knows just as well as I do, that he can raise those girls just fine without me. So why? Why risk your life for someone who isn't worth a tear? 

I want him to start talking to me. I want to hear his voice. I long for it's rasping tones, and smooth, warm words. I want to hear him say that I'm going to be fine. That everything isn't falling apart around me. I stare at the medications on the drip. He so sick. 

"Faith, I'm warning you, he's a fighter. He doesn't just let go." Betty had once told me while he and I were engaged. I never thought much of it. That is, until I had to watch him fight for his life, twice. It's sickening how hard he fights. It wears him down. I can see it in his eyes. There are some times when you just have to let go. 

I stare into his brown eyes. They're darker... God, what if I'm losing him? I mean his memory... soul... personality... whatever you want to call it. What if he wakes up like a different man? What if he wakes up and pleads for a divorce? I shut my eyes and try to think back before things became complicated. 

He's on stage singing Real Good Man. He turns around to look at me backstage. He smiles his priceless, Lousiana smile, before quickly returning to singing the next verse. He's a superstar... Every woman's dream... The way people watch him on stage blows me away. They love him. I feel like I'm one of them, pleading to touch his hand or get an autograph. But for some reason, he loves me. It's not fair. He deserves a supermodel, who's sophisticated, noneoftheless. He doesn't deserve a girl like me. I'm too simple, too tired, too worn. For some reason, he sees something in me. Something that makes him light up when he sees me walk into a room. Something that makes him smile when he thinks about me.

Looking back, I know that I don't understand love. I don't think I ever really have... My parents didn't love eachother, my step-parents never loved eachother, Dan sure as hell didn't love me... Scott passed away before I could tell. Tim on the other hand... He's loyal. No matter how many times I screw up, he's always there to catch me. I may not know much about love, but I know that's love. He loves me... 

I open my eyes and look at his motionless body. His eyes begin to wander for the first time, before resting on me. He doesn't move his eyesight. He's locked in on me. I smile, knowing this is a good sign. 

"Hey baby." I say, getting closer to the bed. A small smile emerges on his face. I run my fingers through his hair. He opens his mouth, trying to speak, but he chokes on the ventilator which is going through his mouth. I hush him and hit the call button.

"He up?" A nurse asks, running in quickly. I nod, helplessly smiling. She checks his vitals and begins to ask him questions. He continues to try and speak, even after she corrects him every time. He definitely has something to say to me. 

"Alright Tim. You have a breathing tube in your mouth. You won't be able to talk until we remove it, understand?" She says. He nods submissively and stares at me with intent. The nurse leaves the room to call more medical assistance to check Tim out. I sit beside him and smile, while still feeling terrified of what's going to happen next. 

The nurse comes back with Kendricks and three other doctors. Kendricks winks at me as he enters the room, practically forgetting Tim's existance. 

"Alright Tim, how you feeling?" He asks, laughing a bit. Tim looks desperately at me. Concern begins to grow in me. "Hey Bailey, can you grab me some morphine?" He asks the nurse. I intervene. 

"I don't think he should be taking that." I say. Kendricks laughs, questioning my authority. 

"Who are you to say?" He asks. 

"His wife. I'm not allowing you to give that to him." I emphasize. He sighs, and returns to Tim. 

"Let's get this tube out." He says. The three doctors get close to Tim to help. Kendricks pulls it out, with no warning, completely stripping his throat. Tim cringes, and begins to spit out blood. He makes little groan and sqeaking noises as he tries to wake himself up. 

"What the hell?" I yell at Kendricks. He shoots me a evil smile before quickly hiding it, so his coworkers can't see. I can still see it in his eyes. 

"How are you feeling bud?" He asks, ignoring me. Tim sits up and shrugs. 

"Pain." He says, sounding hoarse. 

"Would you like some Morphine to take away the pain?" Kendricks asks. Tim looks at me for an answer. I shake my head. 

"No." Tim says. 

"Ehhh, I think we should give you some just to be safe." Kendricks says, grabbing a bag of liquid Morphine from a different nurse. My heart begins to speed up. 

"You don't have his or my consent. So don't think about it." I say. Kendricks doesn't even look at me when he begins to mess with Tim's drip. 

"I have the authority to overrule that." He says. I look at the nurse, who is now turning away. Tim sits up and looks at me. 

"I'm actually feeling fine." He says, looking at Kendricks with eyes that could kill. Kendricks shrugs and backs away slowly, making constant eyecontact with me. He leaves the room without saying another word. Tim looks over to me. "What did he do to you?" He asks. I'm taken aback for a moment. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You're not comfortable in here with him." He says, groaning a little out of pain. 

"It's nothing." I say, trying to shut off the conversation. He knows well enough not to drop it. 

"Did he do something, like, sexually to you?" He asks quietly. I look down as I fill tears fill my eyes. I nod slowly. Tim takes a deep breath. "I knew it." He says. He puts his head back. "I'm going to kill him." He adds, clinching his fists. I need to tell him. 

"It was me." I say. Tim looks at me slowly. 

"What?" He asks with surprise. God, I don't want to watch this... 

"It started off with my consent... It was a mistake and I stopped. He, however, didn't want to stop." I say. Tim bites his lip and nods. "I'm so sorry." I add. 

"That's alright honey. I'm not mad." He says, much to my surprise. His lack of anger scares me. "Now this means you can't be pissed at me for the whole Carrie thing." He laughs. I nod and show a small smile. The weight has been lifted off my chest. 

"Thank god." I say. 

"Baby, I need to get a new doctor though. I can't let him be around you if he's making you that uncomfortable. Hell, he could kill me easily." Tim says. I nod. The thought is scary, but not that far off. 

"I'll go request one now." I say. I kiss Tim's forehead and head to the nurses station down the hall. I request a different doctor, and begin filling out mountains of paperwork. At least he'll be safe now.