Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 32

TIM POV: "That was brilliant." Gary says to Faith. Faith smiles at him and looks over to me with a torn look on her face. He's right. It was brilliant. "Okay, that'll be a bonus track on the album." He says pointing to his assistant. Faith sits down in her dressing room and takes a deep breath. She puts her head in her hands. 

"Hey Gary, can I have a while alone please?" She asks. He nods. 

"Everybody, clear out!" He yells. Everyone does as he says. Faith and I are the only ones left in the room. 

"You okay, honey?" I ask. She starts to cry again. She looks up at me and shakes her head. "What's wrong?" I ask, holding onto her hand. She pulls it out of mine and puts both hands in the air, as if she were about to push me away. 

"Just don't." She says.

"Faith." I say, raising my voice with her. It tends to freak her out, but she'll normally tell me what's going on. 

"I don't know, Tim." She yells. "I don't know if I should hate you, or love you." She says, sounding exhausted and out of breath. I don't know how to respond. 

"I'm going to be here no matter what. I can't change that. You can't change it either." I say. She nods. 

"I know." She says. "I'm not sure if I can forgive you this time, Tim." She looks at me with sad eyes. "I'm trying, and I'm trying hard. I just can't stop thinking about it. I feel weak if I let you back in again." My chest tightens. 

"Faith-" 

"Don't." She says, facing the mirror and leaning against the counter. I watch tears flow down her cheeks. 

"The last thing I wanted to do was cause you pain." I say. That sets her off. 

"Then why did you sleep with her, Tim? Did you honestly think that this wouldn't hurt me? Did you think that I would be able to just move on past that? I mean, for fucks sake, I can't breathe without thinking about it. Now I have to deal with the public and her..." She cries. "I just want out." She says. I sit there for a moment, thinking about what she means. 

"Out of what?" I ask. 

"This! All of this. The business, the management, the affair, our marriage, everything." She says. I want to hold her so badly. She's so upset that she's trembling. Part of me is hurt that she doesn't want me around anymore, but I understand. 

"Alright." I say, nodding. She looks at me, and then up at the ceiling. I can tell she's not done with this argument.

"Why didn't you tell me while you were here?"

"You would've left..." I say honestly. She throws her hands up in the air. 

"So you've trapped me here with all your problems. You know how played I feel right now, Tim?" She asks. I nod. 

"I'm sorry." I say quietly. 

"I mean, I'm here trying to raise our kids, and now I'm left to deal with whoever about you sleeping with her and getting her pregnant. Goddamnit Tim. Why do you have to go throwing responsibility to people like that?" She yells. 

"Faith, I'm sorry." 

"Stop." She says. "You're not sorry, okay? Sorry can maybe justify a one night stand, but you slept with her for a year. You saw something with her that you didn't see with me. That doesn't make you sorry. You might feel bad, but you're not sorry."  She says. I feel like shit. 

"Honey..."

"Stop calling me that." She says. I throw my hands in the air and try to leave the room, but Gary quickly runs in, almost knocking me out with the door.