Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 42

TIM POV: Faith's dream only makes me wish I had stayed even more. I watch her smile brighter than I've seen in a long time as she tries to "catch" the girls. He, as in myself, seems so eager to please her. He is quick to think that she's upset with him... 

The girls smile and laugh as Faith and him get close, but they can't catch them. I mean, they could, but for the games sake, they don't. 

It's bed time and each of the girls and laying in bed, waiting for goodnight hugs and kisses. He goes to Audrey's room first, since she should be going to bed earliest. He snuggles with her for a few moments, humming softly to her, until she is sound asleep. He then goes into Maggie's room and reads her a story. By the time he's halfway done, her eyes are tightly shut, but he continues to read. He stumbles on a few words, but quickly figures it out. He lastly goes to Gracie's room and talks to her while they cuddle. 

"Hey daddy?" She says. 

"Yeah baby"

"You're never going to leave, right?" She asks. My heart breaks as I think about how much Gracie relied on me... 

"Never ever ever." He says. She curls herself in closer. 

"Good." She says. 

"Why? Do you think I would leave you here for some reason?" I ask. She shrugs her shoulders. 

"I've heard about Daddies that leave." She says. 

"They would have to pry me away from you guys." He says. 

"You're never going to leave Mom either, right?" She asks. 

"Yep." He says.

"Never?" She asks. 

"Never." He reinstates. 

"What's love like, Daddy?" She asks. He laughs a little. 

"It's like the sky." He says. 

"What does that mean?" She asks. 

"It's always sunny and bright and beautiful, as long as you can stay above the clouds." He says. 

"Oh." Gracie says. 

"It's also breathtaking, and thrilling, and exciting. There's no real way to describe it baby." He says. 

"Are you and Mom in love?" She asks. He nods. 

"We are very deep in love." He says, smiling at her. "But we both love you and your sisters more." 

"Why?" 

"Because you're our babies. You're the product of our love." He explains. "I love you because you're such an incredible soul, and you remind me so much of your mother. Your mom would say the same thing." He adds. She nods and says goodnight as he gives her a kiss on the forehead. 

"Love you Daddy." She says. I feel tears in my eyes as I remember how much the girls loved me unconditionally. 

"Love you more baby." He says, as he quietly closes her door. He walks down the hallway and into their room. Faith's in there reading. She puts down her book on her huge belly. I never got to see her that pregnant with Emily... 

"She's kicking like crazy." Faith says, putting her hands on her belly. 

"Let me see." He says, sitting on the edge of the bed, and slipping his hands under hers. She guides him to where the kicking is. "Holy crap she's going to be a soccer player!" He jokes. I swear I used to make that joke whenever they'd kick so I wouldn't get emotional about it. The reality is that I would be so awestruck, that I couldn't think of anything else to say. Faith would always laugh, though. 

"I'm so excited." She says. He smiles at her. 

"Me too." He says, leaning up to kiss her. Faith pulls away and sighs. She shoots him a smile. 

"What are we going to name her?" She asks. 

"Emily." He answers quickly. She sits for a moment and thinks. 

"That's a pretty name." She says as he lays down beside her.

"I know. Imagine it, Gracie, Maggie, Audrey and Emily." He says, she laughs and puts her head on his chest.

"I love it." She says, smiling. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before drifting off to sleep. 

I sit with Faith's head still in my lap once she wakes up. I should've stayed... Why didn't I stay? My thoughts begin to harass me as Faith wakes up with a slight frown on her face. 

"Baby..." I start. She looks at me with almost pity. 

"You saw that?" She asks. I nod slowly. I can feel the tears in my eyes, as I notice the same with hers. 

"I would give anything to have stayed..." I say quietly. She nods and takes a deep breath. 

"Well, we can't change anything now, can we?" She says, getting up and walking upstairs. She's upset. 

Faith has a performance today at the CMA's, and of course, Carrie is going to be there. She is actually hosting this year... Faith should really skip this. 

She's backstage with her dress on when Carrie does her set. This time she belts out two songs, almost sympathizing with Faith, and warning her. She sings Good Girl and Two Black Cadillacs off of her new album. Faith doesn't pay her any mind  as she walks up to the side stage. Faith has about two more acts to go before it's her turn. 

Faith slowly walks on stage, as shy as she used to when we were just starting out. An orchestra begins to play You're Still Here. 

"Thought I saw you today. You were standing in the sun then you turned away and I knew I couldn't be but my heart believed. Oh it seems like something everyday. How could you be so far away, when you're still here?" She sings. I can hear the pain in her voice. 

"When I need you you're not hard to find, you're still here. I can see you in my baby's eyes and laugh and cry.You're still here." She sings. There's not a dry eye in this arena as she blows the crowd away. 

"Had a dream last night, that you came to me on silver wings of light. And I flew away with you in the painted sky. And I woke up wondering what was real. Is it what you see and touch or what you feel? 'Cause you're still here. Oh you're everywhere we've ever been. You're still here. I heard you in a stranger's laugh and I hunger on to hear your laugh again, oh just once again....Oh..." She sings. Tears are filling her eyes too. She recorded this song long before I passed, but the words ring so true and raw.

"Thought I saw you today. You were standing in the sun then you turned away... Away..." She holds the final note as the crowd all stands, giving her a full house, standing ovation. She smiles gracefully, and then floats off stage. She wipes her tears as her entourage hands her water bottles and towels. I smile at her, but she doesn't really acknowledge it. I wish I could hug her and rave about how incredible her performance was with her, but I can't... Not here.... Not in front of everyone.