I Had To Fall For Him (Why Don't We)

Help

Depressed and alone. Those are the only two words you could use to describe how I feel. Ever since I left, went to the house and packed up most of my stuff. Some I left in the guys room, as a token of remembrance. That day I left London, I knew how alone I was going to be. I packed a lot of my stuff into boxes and debated on what to do. I didn't want to live with my family but I also didn't want to be alone but I really didn't have a choice. I shipped the boxes back home and packed the rest into my car. Yes I drove back to Portland. It give me time to think about everything. I almost had my car packed before I looked around the house and remembered my easel that Jonah got me. Of course I took it home. I asked the guys if I could take something of their stuff, to remember them and they all said yes. I already had some of their things but each of them told me one thing I could take from home. So I did, I packed up the things they let me and took them back to.... well home.

Once I did get back, I only talked to dad. He said what Daniel did was wrong and Anna shouldn't have told him. Mum didn't talk to me really, except when food was ready. Dad said she's disappointed in me but I don't see why. Anna tried talking to me but I don't want to talk to her. Shes the one that caused this. If she didn't tell Daniel, I would still be happy and with my boys. I yelled at her once because she wouldn't leave me alone and now she doesn't talk to me.

*flashback*

"why won't you talk to me. I've done nothi-" shes followed me around for nearly the whole day and I've had enough.

"nothing? You've done nothing? You are the one that told Daniel. You are the one that caused this. If you didn't tell him I might have been happy still. I still might have known how my best friends are. I might have not fallen back down into depression and not have a way to get out. Its all your fault. If it wasn't for you, I would still have my best friends by my side" I yell and cry. She stares, shocked. I ran off to my room and locked myself up.

*present*

Yeah, you heard me right. Ever since I left, the guys haven't once talked to me. Its been 3 months since I was forced to leave. I've seen their posts and they just make me sadder. They all seem so happy. One post haunts me all the time though. It always pops up on my explore page. Its a picture of Jonah and Tate kissing. One that they put up to officially announce them dating. Its one of the reasons I'm not so active on social media anymore. The whole time I've been here, I haven't put anything up. I always get comments asking what happened to me but I don't even answer them. But today I feel like putting something out. After my family went to see Daniel, after they finished the Europe tour, I realised how much I didn't like it in this house and how much I just need at least one of the boys.

9am, the usual time I make my way out of my room to eat. I walk into the kitchen and grab a small container of yoghurt from the fridge. Mum sits at the table, typing away at her computer. Anna is probably at one of her friends house, seeing as its the weekend. I walk into the lounge room, eating away at my yoghurt. I find dad watching the news as usual.

"morning darling" he smiles at me.

"morning dad" I weakly smile, sitting next to him.

It was the end of August, meaning the guys were in Asia at the moment, almost at Australia. I know Anna constantly talks to them which makes me mad and upset. Why does she get the privilege to talk to them but I can't. I turn my head to the door and see Zach smiling at me with his arms open. I close my eyes, open them and hes gone. I feel the tears form in my eyes again. I forgot to mention, I've been hallucinating about them being here. I've seen all four of them, not Daniel, everywhere. I even had a conversation with Corbyn, but it was all a hallucination. Dad come in and said I was talking to myself again and that he wasn't there.