Reckless Passion

Chapter 46

— Chapter 46 —

Song Themes For This Chapter: Maps – Maroon 5; Perfect - Hedley

— Flashback: Louis —

“I’m busy.  I’ll text you later.  Xxxx” Rose’s response reads.  Busy?  She was so busy that she couldn’t talk to me for a brief few moments to comfort me and convince me not to inject myself with heroin?

I let out a strained breath.  There was a pressure in my head along with a dizzying sensation.  The boys were all asleep or gone out somewhere and I knew the only one who could convince me not to do this was Rose.  She knew that too.

I hastily type a new text to her:

“Rose, please..  I really need your help.  I’m alone here and I feel myself slipping.  I need to inject myself with a hit of it.  I feel like I’m going to crack any minute, please call me.  I need to at least hear your voice.  Please, baby.”

I wait in desperation for my phone to ring with her name appearing, but it never does.  I’m sat on my floor, legs crossed and rocking back and forth like a pathetic, weeping child for about ten minutes; but it feels like hours.  Rose doesn’t even respond with a quick text; she’s completely ignored me when I need her the most.  She promised me that I could count on her no matter what day or time and I knew she meant that… or at least… I thought she did.

The haunting thoughts are getting louder causing my head to ache and the pressure on my brain to increase.  Since I had started heroin it’s like it manifested itself into a living person inside my head, an imaginary friend that only existed to me, urging me to take it ‘just one more time’.  It preyed on my mind, seducing me into believing it existed to help me.  It was moments like this that I struggled to differentiate and think rationally. 

My thoughts had even started to turn on Rose.  “She doesn’t care about you.”  “She’s probably with another man.  Someone much better than you.”  “Maybe she’s gone back to Peter after realizing what a lowlife coward and waste of space you are.”

I throw my phone across the room; it falls to the ground, missing the wall.  I grip my head and continue to rock back and forth.  What if she was with Peter?  He was her first love after all; and what if she found he was better at sex than I was?  I had nothing to give her or to make her want to stay.  Maybe she finally realized this.  Now she’s not even going to respond to my texts, she doesn’t care about me anymore.  I could die of an overdose and it wouldn’t matter to her.  I was nothing to her.

I rise to my feet and rush down to the basement.  I couldn’t take this anymore.  I couldn’t handle this.  Rose didn’t even care anymore, that’s how worthless I was.  That’s why my aunt left me.  That’s why my parents didn’t want me.  My only purpose on this shit planet was to suffer.

I grab as many needles as I can hold between my hands and my chest and rush upstairs and back to my room.  If any of the other boys are here, they haven’t heard me stumbling through the hall.

I kick the door shut behind me and open the drawer on my bedside table, dropping all of the needles into it.  I pull one out and shove it into the inside of my arm.  I let out a drawn out groan as I tilt my head back and close my eyes.  The rush immediately surges through my veins, spreading throughout my body.  Fuck, it feels good.

I allow myself to fall back onto my bed, lying on a horizontal position with my legs dangling off the edge.  I’m too lost in the pleasurable sensations flowing through my body to care.

I’m not sure how long I laid there, half out of it, when a sudden knocking registers.  My eyes slowly open as I crane my head down to look at the door.  I force myself into a sitting position just as the knocking sounds again.  I turn in the direction of the sound, catching the face of a girl with evidently dark hair that almost blends in with the darkness outside.  She has a giddy smile on her face as she waves at me.  She lets herself in, pushing my window open by sliding it to the side and squeezing through the small square opening, landing flat on her feet in my room.