Reckless Passion

Chapter 54

— Chapter 54 —

Song Themes For This Chapter: Private Fears In Public Places – Front Porch Step; Like Knives – City and Colour; Off By Heart – City and Colour

— Louis —

“It’s been almost a week, Louis.  Why aren’t you answering my calls or my texts?  You promised we would see each other a lot but you’re not even talking to me.  I miss you… so much.  I haven’t been going to my classes or really talking to my best friends because I don’t want them to know that I’m pregnant.  It’s bad enough with my parents knowing.  My father is disgusted by me but he’s been distant… I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a punishment for me but I’m relieved not to have him hovering over me like my mother is.  I’ve been craving so many different foods and I’m crying all the time, sometimes over stupid things and sometimes I don’t even know why.  I just miss you and I wish I could hear your voice.  Please Louis… please call me or come sneak into the window to see me I don’t care I just… I need you.  I want you.”

I pull my cellphone away from my ear as the voicemail ends.

I hated this.  I knew I was hurting her and I could hear in her voice just how much I was hurting her.  I could tell she had been crying and that she was struggling to keep her voice from cracking and breaking down into sobs as she left me this message.  It wasn’t the first message either.  She’s left three voicemails since I dropped her off at home and sent many text messages; all of which I checked but I never responded.  I couldn’t.

I wished I could tell her everything.  Explain to her why I was doing this, that it wasn’t my fault.  That her father put me in this position.  But I fucking couldn’t.

Even if I did just send one text to her, I didn’t know what to say and I knew she would bombard me with questions that I couldn’t answer.  It was hard enough listening to her messages and reading her texts, if I responded or heard her voice pleading to me for answers, I would crack; I would ruin everything and my mother would die because of me.

Rose’s father had already been in contact with me, without his family knowing of course.  And my mother had just started her treatment.  Of course he wouldn’t tell me how Rose was when I asked about her; I wonder if he knows Rose has been calling me or if Rose has managed to do that secretively.

“Louis, what are you doing?”  Zayn’s grim voice registers and I quickly turn to look at him standing in the doorway.  I didn’t even hear my bedroom door open.

“Being rudely interrupted.”  I say in a flat tone.  “Ever heard of knocking, Zayn?”

“Why are you ignoring, Rose?”  Zayn matches my tone, narrowing his eyes.

I turn my head back, shifting my jaw.  “It’s none of your business.”

I hear the door close, not a loud slam but firmly closed; showing Zayn’s annoyance.  I quickly realize that he’s still in the room as I hear his shoes clapping against the floor while he walks around the bed to stand a few feet away from me.

“You can give me that damn cold attitude of yours all you want, but you should be aware that by now, we all know that when you’re like this it’s because something’s bothering you and you don’t want to talk about it.  Either because you don’t want us to worry about you or because you’re too damn stubborn!”

“Have you quite finished?”  I raise my eyebrows and give him a pointed look.

His face hardens.  I don’t even care that I’m pissing him off, I never asked for him to check up on me.