Something Lost (Original Draft)

Chapter 33: White Magic

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We arrived in Berthold at dusk. I was left alone to report to Alexander. On the awkwardly silent ride back I decided that I was going to talk with him about our relationship. I would talk to him after the meeting with Alexander - and hopefully clear up a few misunderstandings.


I shuffled up the steps and passed through the tall silver gates to the castle courtyard. My eyes scanned the castle walls; they were lit up, reflecting the warm glow of the settling sun. It seemed all of Alexander's Court was eagerly awaiting my return. They swarmed around me as I met them at the castle doors. Questions were thrown at me from every angle, but I kept silent, I knew that I must report to Alexander first.


Elder Simon stepped from the crowd. Both of his hands were filled, one carried his walking cane and the other a brightened lantern. He stopped in front of me. "Lady Alanis, we feared the journey brought unexpected peril to you. We were just assembling a search party."


"I'm sorry that I've worried you - my meeting with Julian went longer than expected."


He quipped, "How was the old man?" I smiled, talk about the pot calling the kettle black.


"He was fine... but the man I met was not old."


"Don't let his looks fool you... he's the same age as I."


"How old," I gawked crudely, forgetting my manners completely.


He chuckled, "Some things are better left to the imagination... I'd rather not talk about my age, young lady."


"I apologize." I blushed, and he flashed me a forgiving smile, letting me know I hadn't really offended him.


"Well, we shouldn't keep Alexander waiting too long."


An excited voice roared from behind, "No we shouldn't."


I twirled around to receive a greeting from Alexander's Council - the one who had caught me. His head sprung up from the honoring bow he took. My eyes met his azure stare. Was he assigned to me or something? He was the only one who associated with me, the others were pleasant to me, but they never made idle chit chat with me.


He spoke, "Lady Alanis, please come with me, Lord Alexander is expecting you." He pushed passed the crowd, leaving me little room to escape.


The doors closed behind us, and he led me up to the throne room by my hand.


"Lord Alexander, Lady Alanis has arrived," he announced.


I bowed along with him. Alexander was dressed modestly. He wore a dressy robe similar to his Council. His eyes scurried across us, trying to take anchor to where we stood.


"The letter was delivered as ordered. The old man kept her long - You know how he can be around women." He released my hand with his complaint.

"I pray he was decent," Alexander spoke up, from his tone I could dissect that he wasn't joking, that he was genuinely concerned.


Something told me that Julian had ruffled a few feathers in the past. Did they think he was some sort of lecher? He did come off a little strong at times, but he didn't do anything inappropriate during my visit.


"He was - I assure you, he was a complete gentleman, Lord Alexander."


He smiled, and sat tall. "That's good to know. I should have warned you about the old man's wandering eyes... and hands."


My stomach gurgled and churned, thank God I made it out of there with my purity.


"So I can assume you are aware that the letter I sent was regarding you."


"Yes my lord, he told me."


"And,"


I opened my pack and pulled the book he gave me from it. The glow it emitted earlier wasn't my imagination, it was real. And it grew brighter with my touch. Everyone who was present gravitated in my direction to get a better look at what I held. Alexander was the only one that was left out of the loop. But I could tell he knew something was up, by the amount of silence that surrounded him.


"What is that?" his Council asked. Alexander gazed over in our direction.


I opened the book, "It's Strare Harei, a book of white magic."


His Council peered down at the pages, "The pages are blank, my lord, nothing is written upon them."


"They would appear that way only to those not touched by Letando. Only an Oraur Lahre can read these scripts." I said while closing the book, with a thump that shook the room, figuratively.


"And you can?" Alexander asked while inching to the edge of his seat.


"Yes-" I replied, "I can, but it's written in old tongue."


His Council danced in front of me, "So it's true, you are a child of light, an Oraur Lahre. The magic that rests within those pages... haven't been spoken for centuries. The time for light to reign is once more," he sang at me with a giant psychotic smile, he looked as if he wanted to bow at my very feet to worship me.


I backed away from his overpowering position. "I've told you, I don't know what the words say," I sputtered.


"You can learn, she can learn," he said while beaming at Alexander. His happiness for my gift worried me, it seemed like he couldn't wait to use my powers to help their cause - whatever that was.


He added, "She would make a fine Tunerir, Berthold's power would surely grow with her standing at your side, my lord."


"I would make a lousy Tunerir," I proclaimed just as loudly so he'd understand I wouldn't be bossed around.


"Don't overwhelm the girl with your stories of glory just yet," Alexander cut in. Thankfully, he had caught my distressed tone.


He waved his hand up at me, signaling me to join him.


"May I hold it - the book?" He smiled and I smiled back, remembering being embarrassed by him days before when he took my hand.


"Of course." I dropped it gently in his hands.


He closed his eyes and examined the cover of the book with his hands, "Mani hiore, reu'riotre reueth... (My Heart, reacts to its touch.)" he spoke his words clearly, they were beautiful and by the tone he carried them I could tell he felt the power of the book.


"My ancestors used to read from the pages of Strare Harei - like you, we were all once blessed by Letando... but sadly, over time her call was lost." He opened his eyes.


"The old words of the Gods - the old tongue that you said is written within this book. Those words are meant for you now. I have royal texts on the language that will teach you all you'll need to know in order to use Strare Harei. And I will help, when I can," he said while handing the book back to me.


"The people of Berthold will want to see her by their King. What better way to do this, then make her your Tunerir."


"A choice she can make for herself, my Council," he said then stood to his feet in front of me.


"Thank you, Lord Alexander," I said full of relief.


"I would like to speak with Lady Alanis alone," he ordered the surrounding party.


As his Council made their exit, they each bowed respectfully in front of me.


He sat down on the steps that led to his throne. Our spot, the same place we sat, the day he gave me the horrible news about the Sorrow.


Before he could ask me to join him, I did. I sat next to him. I felt comfortable around him, and something inside of me told me that he felt the same.


"They will push for you to become my Tunerir, but I want you to know that there is no harm in saying no to their request. Becoming one would demand a lot of training and sacrifices... "


"What would happen if I accept?"


"You would have to be at my side at all times as a protector, my protector. It's considered an honor, but all the same a sacrifice. Your life would belong to me. You would have to be willing to die for me. Outside serving as my protector your life would be void, you could keep no friends, have no family, or take a lover..." As he spoke, the strength of his voice tapered. Even he could appreciate the gloom of what he said. He wouldn't sell me on the esteem it would bring, he would give me the honest truth. I was glad for that.


"So, what did the old man have to say about the Sorrow, was he able to tell you anything about it?"


"He-" I hesitated, "...told me he could do nothing for me. The Sorrow is in search of something that I can't offer her... he couldn't tell me what that was."


I left out the part about her being bonded to Berthold Territory - on purpose. I wasn't ready to leave Berthold yet, and if he knew that my case was hopeless I was afraid he would ask me to leave. Besides, keeping that from him wouldn't hurt anything... I would still have to leave at some point - if I couldn't help the spirit. In a way I was lucky she was tethered to Berthold. It meant freedom for me if I traveled outside Berthold Territory. Julian told me he had seen similar bondings in the past, where the Sorrow would bond to a person but be restricted to a place. He said it was typical in Sorrows who were desperately trying to evade a pursuer, that the place they were bonded to was the destination they were seeking at the time of their death.


"I'm sorry, Lady Alanis..."


I perked up remembering the necklace that was concealed against my breast, "Julian gave me a pendant of warding - he said it would keep her silent for a while." I pulled the necklace from under my top and looked at it. The medallion was pure and untarnished. I wished it would keep forever, but knew it wouldn't.


I sat forward and sighed heavily, letting go up all the pent up frustration I was feeling.


"How do you feel?" he asked concerned by the fluctuation of my breathing.


"Like - I don't think I can handle this. Everything is falling apart. And there's nothing I can do about it."


"I wouldn't worry if I were you. Strare Harei, may hold a cleansing spell that could help you..." He reminded me that there was hope, possible hope. I didn't occur to me that I would be able to use the book to help myself.


His hand found my back, it caressed the slick material of my cloak. "So you see, there is no need to be afraid," he said soothingly.


"But... I won't be able to stay long... it's only a matter of time before I will have to leave. And I'm worried - I'm worried that another monster will be brought here because of me. I'm most worried about that. I'm scared of what I am, and the gift I've been given." All of my worries sprung to his friendly ear. I needed to confide in someone, and he was willing to be that someone, so I told him everything.


"The old man's magic is flawless, if he said you're safe to stay with that pendant then you need not worry."


"You don't understand, I don't know what's happened to me. All of this is confusing and scary. I don't know why I was blessed by a goddess named Letando. I don't know what any of that means... It's a gift that that's been lost to me."


"The tragedies of life can either bring us down or make us stronger. You're still alive, and you can be strong, stronger than any man that lives today. I would hate for you to surrender to your pain."


His kind words broke through my frightened heart, I could see that he was serious, that he believed in me. The soft movement of his hand on my back slowed and stopped. A swell of emotion took over that caused my body to shake, without realizing it I had let myself cry.


He pulled me to his side, his other hand lifted to the back of my head as he pulled me to his shoulder. I shook in his arms, both in distress and awe. His scent was strong, the same as it was during the ritual. It was overpowering, yet faint. It was familiar and new all the same. I closed my eyes and found that I wanted to hold him, my arms and hands tingled expecting to move, to embrace him. It was an unnatural response that I found surreal, like he had some sort of power over me that I could hardly withstand. The horrible truth was that I liked it, that I secretly longed for it to happen, for my will to break and for my hands to be taken in by his pull.


He held me tightly, even after my outburst was contained. I trusted this was not his normal consoling method, he wouldn't have offered this to any other person. And I wondered if he would have sheltered me the way he was, if I wasn't an Oraur Lahre.


I couldn't stop the question from being heard by him, I spoke it out loud. "Tell me," I murmured against his shoulder, "Why you are so kind to me... is it because I'm an Oraur Lahre?"


He was silent. And at first I was worried that I overstepped my boundaries with that question, but as I thought about it further, I felt it deserved an answer. I needed to know why he acted the way he did around me. I didn't want to be disappointed by the truth later. I pulled away as his silence became too long to ignore.


His hand shuffled to grab mine, and when he held it securely, he answered me, "I will always treat you this way. No matter what you become or fail to become. Because-" he whispered strongly, and truthfully, "I know you you're a good person, Alanis..." His hand opened, but I couldn't find it within myself to move my hand. I smiled, choking away the uncertainty that I had felt earlier. I began to laugh as the relief of his words sank in. The old tears that streaked across my face were nearly dried.


I clasped his hand as boldly as he had nights before; he was surprised, but also pleased with my sudden gesture, "Thank you," I said and gently squeezed his hand within mine. I wanted him to know that I was willing to try to stand strong. I knew I could do it for him, since he put so much faith into me.


He blurted, "Come by tomorrow. We can search the pages of Strare Harei and see if there is a spell that can help you. I can also tell you about Letando... or anything else you are curious about." His hand was motionless within mine. My heart fluttered with his request, happily.


"That is if you're not still busy with the move."


"Move," I questioned, my puzzled stare was lost to him.


"I must apologize. I had forgotten that I hadn't told you yet. While you were away I had one of the castle's guest houses prepared for you."


"Guest house, that isn't necessary."


"It is, now that you have been titled a Lady of Berthold. A lady with a noble title must be cautious of keeping her title pure and honorable. It is tradition among most maidens to be betrothed before they house with a man. "


"It's not like that." My hand fell from his. And suddenly I felt like an ass. It was like that! My easily swayed heart, was betraying me... it was turning me into someone that I didn't want to become. How could I be angry at James when I was acting like some sort of awestruck fool in here, when I was attracted to another man?


"More eyes will be on you in the upcoming days, Lady Alanis. I only wish to protect your name."


"I understand," replied, but feared James would not.


Our talk ended on that note. He had informed his Council that I was aware of the move. I was offered help for the move, but declined. I didn't have much and could manage on my own. I was to meet my new best friend, his Council, at the gate when I was finished packing. I hurried away wanting to be done before the last of the light faded.


As I ran down the steps leading from the castle doors, I was frantic about what I was going to tell James. We had already gone through so much today. This would only make our situation worse. But since it was an order from Lord Alexander, he shouldn't get too angry, I assured myself. Crowds of people were gathered just outside the gate. My quick pace stopped as I reached the walls of the gateway. I clutched my bag, and slung it over my shoulder as I searched the many faces that waited to see me. But, my eyes caught the only pair that were indulged in other activities.


They were magnetized to that couple, to James and Cassandra and their silent interactions. They were mingling with fellow Knights, but that wasn't as intriguing as the silent conversation they were having. At times they would both unknowingly take a quick glance at each other while the other wasn't watching. I thought for sure he would spot me spying on them, but he didn't, he was too enthralled in her. I slid back against the wall and peeked around the corner at them. She was pulled away by a question from a fellow knight. But he kept a close watch on her, his eyes carefully followed each of her subtle movements almost before she made them.


I pulled my gaze away along with my stiffened body. My feet shuffled ahead, back to the castle, away from the chaos that was behind me. I would have broken down if I wasn't already prepared. In a way a small part of me already suspected. James had talked a good game. But earlier, when he held me in his arms and hesitated, failing to kiss me as any man would, in that situation, I knew. Whether it was the news of my gift or his hidden love for Cassandra, I knew. He didn't have those types of feelings for me. And he was hiding his real ones, why was he hiding them? Why was he pretending? Was it because he was afraid of hurting me?

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