Something Lost (Original Draft)

Chapter 34: Last Memory

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All I could hear was the steady thumping of my feet against the stone walkway. They propelled me with a will of their own — a will that was unbreakable to exhaustion. I wasn't entirely sure of what I just witnessed, it could have been my jealous mind playing tricks on me, but I knew deep down it wasn't that... what I saw was real.

My pace softened as I passed the three goddess statues that spired near the castle front. At the top steps Alexander's Council stood, awaiting my return. I was anxious that he may find a glimmer of misery within my eyes, or smell the pain that slicked my sweaty skin. But I pressed on, knowing, turning back would alert him. With each step up the walkway, I fortified my emotions.

His blue eyes met mine, as I broke past the top step. He bowed to me pleasantly before speaking, "Back so soon, that was quick. Did you forget the way?" he commented freshly. I was ecstatic he didn't address me as Lady Alanis, as small as that glee was.

I stopped in front of him, resting my hands on my hips, hoping that strong pose would hide the fact that I was troubled. "There was a throng of people waiting to see me at the gate. There was no way I was going to get past them without answering a couple hundred questions... So, I came back to see if your offer still stood," I inquired flatly and he offered a sympathizing nod.

He motioned one of the castle guards to his side with a loud clap of the hand, it echoed throughout the large arched ceilings, tapering softly with each repeat.

The robust guard bowed, he spoke in a husky curvy voice. "Yes, Council."

"Have my horse readied at the rear gate, and be sure to have any and all people cleared of the gate," he demanded coldly, "And make sure to have the horse properly saddled for two riders."

The young man bowed, taking his orders respectfully.

We rode to the house with great haste. The route we took was deserted, but that didn't stop my paranoid mind from screwing with my emotions, each corner we turned sparked a wave of unbearable panic. It was brought on by a childish fear, a fear that I visualized coming true in my head at every corner, that he would be there — waiting — be it to greet me with a gentle hello or spring a blaming stare my way... either one made me just as ill. Luckily, my desperate pleas with the gods above were answered and we were met with no such dramatic blockades.

I sprung from the horse with no help and walked to the house alone. I opened the door to his empty house, dark was settling into the far corners of the great room, feeding into the cold that was blanketing the silent space. It was amazing how this sudden change left me feeling like a stranger, like a trespasser breaking into a house I was once welcome in. I broke over the threshold along with a great rush of guilt that flowed through me like an angry river. It felt wrong, leaving without telling him face to face. But I couldn't face him, not after what I saw. I was disappointed with him, not because he had broken my heart — it was nothing like that — I was simply worried that our friendship would be lost. He was my one true friend here, and it pained me to think that our friendship could be lost to the selfish game we both tried to play at.

I decided to leave him a letter explaining where I had gone, it wouldn't be as noble as telling him in person, but it was all I could do.

Dear James,