Run Away

After Christmas

T.W: Self harm

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I was up and about, doing my best to clean up around the house, Isabella and Thomas have been playing with their new toys and just leaving them all around the house lately and it was too much of a mess. It was freezing when I woke up, so I had a really hard time leaving Logan's warmth, but I did it eventually. 

By the time I had finished cleaning, no one was up yet, so I decided on making them breakfast, oatmeal. With brown sugar, and regular sugar, and vanilla was added to make it extra sweet. 

"Good morning Patton." Logan greeted me. I looked over at him and couldn't help but giggle at the mess that was his hair. "Why are you laughing?" He asked me. Once he made it next to me, I stood on my tippy toes and fixed his hair for him. "You have the most wildest hair in the morning." I told him with another laugh.

"I'm not the only one, I've seen your hair in the mornings, it's not all too pretty either." He told me. I smirked at him, knowing that he has called me cute before when my hair was a mess. "What ever, you like when my hair is messy." I teased, his face turned pink but he continued on. "I do not." He crossed his arms like a child. 

"Are you spreading, falsehoods?" I asked him. His face got even darker when I walked closer to him, we were almost touching, and I was looking up at him with the best of my ability. 

"Patton the oatmeal." He told me, pointing to the stove. "Shoot!" I ran over to the smoking stove and turned off the oven. "You're not supposed to distract someone when they are cooking!" I scolded him. He knew exactly what he was doing, because I was always easily distracted. "You're the one who walked up to me!" He argued. 

"Well, you know that I always get distracted when you're around, I mean look..." I was cut off by Mary walking into the room. "Would you two stop yelling at one another, I don't want the babies to wake up yet." She told us, she had already made her way to the coffee machine, which was expected. 

"We're sorry." I told her, continuing to stir the oatmeal so it wouldn't start smoking, again.

"Yes, my apologies, apparently I had distracted Patton." He said, as if he were being blamed for something that he didn't do. "I bet you were, always hovering over him, you make that boy giggle non-stop and you love seeing him giggle, so why wouldn't you make him do it? Patton, don't worry sugar, I believe you." Mary said, she took a spoon out of the drawer and tasted the oatmeal. 

"Oh, that taste good, nice and sugary, just the way I like it." She threw the spoon into the sink and then left the kitchen with her mug.

"Well, that was unexpected." Logan said, he was now standing next to me and watching as I moved the spoon in circles. "You do tend to make me giggle a lot.." I was just taking it in, I hadn't realized how are relationship had changed ever since I ran away. 

"You have an adorable laugh, I won't lie." Logan said, now that, that was unexpected. His little statement made my face turn so red, I had to turn away! "Are you alright?" Logan asked, trying to get me to look at him. "Yeah, it's just hot in here." I lied.

He looked at me, and I looked at him. "Maybe you shouldn't be wearing a long sleeved shirt. I can watch the oatmeal while you change if you would like." He offered. I didn't know how to answer him, I couldn't change. "To be honest I thought you were always freezing, I've never seen you in a short sleeve shirt." He was in thought for a second. "...I've never bothered to check your arms." He said under his breath, he looked up at me, sympathy mixed with guilt filled his eyes. "Patton, may I see your arms?" He asked me. I crossed my arms behind my back and shook my head no. Thomas came running into the room and tugged at Logan's pants.

"I'm hungry." He told Logan. I grabbed a small bowl and filled it with oatmeal, handing it to him and then made a bowl for Isabella. "Patton come with me please." Logan looked at his siblings, taking my hand in his, and then led me to his room. 

~~~

"Let me see your arms." He told me. I kept quiet, I felt like he would be disappointed or angry at me. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I shook my head 'no' again. Logan stood right in front of me, looking down at me. I felt even worse, the tears were building up and blurring my vision. "Please, let me see your arms." Logan took my hand in his once more, his grip tightening a little when I tried to pull away. "Please, I just want to make sure.." 

"Make sure of what? That I've a-actually done it? Make sure y-you're right or if you're wrong? To prove..." I felt his grip leave my wrist, and his arms wrapping around me. "N-no. I want to make sure that you're safe and if you h-have done it, you don't have an i-infection." I've never heard him stutter before, and I felt terrible for accusing him. "I-I'm sorry." I told him, wrapping my arms around him as well. 

"I...apologize as well." Logan started to caress my hair, hiding his face in my neck. When he pulled away he went for my arm again. "May I?" He asked hesitantly, I nodded and looked away, I  was really ashamed of my past decisions. 

Logan gasped a little, but made me look at him again. "When?" He asked a bit sternly. "Last week..." I admitted. "Why, you were with me then, did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I have." I shook my head no and placed my hand on his face. "It wasn't your fault. I was upset with myself, for not being able to eat, to make you proud." I told him. I looked down at my arm. The still somewhat red, puffy lines that weren't treated properly were still there. Logan looked at me, a sad, comforting smile on his face. "Let's clean your arm a little." He said and walked me into his bathroom. 

"Thank you." I said quietly. I sat down on the counter as he took out a rag and some athletes tape. He rubbed a little white scar that had been there for months. "How long has this been going on?" He asked as he started to clean the cuts with the wet rag, the fabric stinging a bit. "A few months, maybe a year?" He shook his head with a sigh. "I'm sorry you had to go through all this." 

After he wrapped up my arm he leaned his forehead on mine. I so badly just wanted to kiss him, he was so close to me, yet so far away. I wanted physical affection, I wanted his kisses, I wanted to kiss him. I want him to be with me for forever.

But I didn't.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked me. When I looked up I had realized that I was holding onto him like he was the only thing I had left, the only one I had left. And it felt like that too. 

"Hmm, nothing, I'm sorry." I told him. I held onto him bit longer before I let go of him again. "Are you sure?" He looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes, and I did it. I placed my hands on both his cheeks and pulled him closer to me, I connected our lips together and then I felt regret.

Logan didn't pull away though, he kissed me back, I was the first to pull away. "I'm so sorry!" I told him. But I didn't feel sorry at all, I've been wanting that for so long. "Im sorry..I'm not sure if I kissed you because I wanted to, or because you were one of the only person who have cared for me in the longest time." He didn't say anything for a minute, he just hugged me again.

"It's alright, it wasn't the worst thing. I understand if you need to understand your feelings a bit more, I need to as well." He stopped for a second. "Shall we go get breakfast?" He asked, and I nodded. So we both left to go get breakfast.

~~~~~

~Have An Amazing Day!!