Run Away

Emptiness

"Love. Can be many things in all honesty. Sometimes it's bad.
Sometimes it's abusive.
I've been in an abusive relationship, still am if I'm being honest.
This type of love is controlling, demanding and it's a big problem.
This love of mine needs help.

I need help.

Do you ever get this amazing feeling from the thing or the one you love, and you get addicted to that feeling? But this love is bad because the longer it stays around the worse you feel about yourself. You start stressing about what others will think of your new love. Will others approve? Will others be supportive of this love? 
My love goes by the name of 'Emptiness'.
I absolutely love the feeling of being empty inside. I love the feeling of not eating because it makes that love happy. But the happier that love becomes, the worse it makes you feel. It makes you think that you're not good enough. You won't be accepted by society unless you do whatever this love wants. If I don't listen to Emptiness, then they seek vengeance. They make me sick, physically and mentally. Emptiness tells me that I'm not good enough for anyone. Emptiness makes me throw up if I don't listen to them. Emptiness makes me feel regret.
And my regret, brings them joy. And when Emptiness is happy, you can't help but feel the same happiness because you made someone else happy. 

Emptiness may be one of my biggest loves in my life.
But Emptiness is also my largest enemy. 

Everyone disapproves of them. They try to push them away from me. They try to make me understand how much of a toxic relationship this is. They try and help me...but Emptiness doesn't approve of them. And it causes a war. A war inside my head and my heart. 

Who do I love more?

Emptiness, or everyone else? It shouldn't be this hard of a choice, why can't I have them both? Why can't they just get along with each other? Why can't they both let me be happy. Why can't Emptiness disappear? Why can't Emptiness realize that I have fallen out of love with them, and in love with someone else...?  Why can't Emptiness be happy for me and just leave me alone? 
But wouldn't it be unfair if I took away that happiness from Emptiness. Isn't that selfish of me? 

It truly is. 

But sometimes...you need to put yourself before others. 
And although Emptiness is still apart of my life, I'm trying my best to tear that love away from them. I have to learn to not give into them. I have to learn to be away from Emptiness, I need to separate myself from them.

And I'll get there.

I just have to break from our love.

Not all love is good."

"Patton...that's-"

"Is it any good? I really don't want to have to redo it." Patton whined, but he was unaware of the few tears that rolled down Logan's cheeks. 
"It's amazing, Patton." The quiver in Logan's voice made Patton sit up and look at him. 

"Why are you crying? Oh my Irene, did I do something? I'm so sorry!" Patton was starting to get frantic, afraid he had upset Logan.
"It's alright dear." Logan wiped away the few tears in then looked at Patton as they sat in comfortable silence. 

"I should be apologizing to you." Logan eventually spoke.

"Why?" 

Logan held his arms out, inviting Patton to sit in his lap, which he did. Logan wrapped his arms around the precious boy, letting his hands rest on Patton's hands. 
"I love you so much, Patton. And your essay is wonderful. No need to change a word. I apologize for getting emotional."

Patton nodded in understandment.

"Okay."

~~~~~

~Have An Amazing Day!!