Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

15 - Fragility

Edited

THE PRESENT

Juice didn't want to let her go, didn't want to look away from her, afraid she would disappear like a volatile daydream. Hadn't he had thousands of fantasies like this over the years?

Soothingly, she stroked her thumb along the back of his hand, gently pulling him towards her house. As the years had gone by it felt like her fingers had been everywhere on his body, it didn't seem to matter who he had taken to his bed, in his imagination it was always her touch and it had never felt as real as it did now in this moment.

Again tears welled up in his eyes as he looked towards her, taking in her face. She hadn't changed a bit. He could still feel the warmth, the love that radiated from her and he wanted to drown himself in it. He wanted to pull her close, feel her fingertips travel down his jaw, taste her lips.

But she had opened her heart for someone else. Of course she had; an amazing woman like her would never have stayed alone for such a long time. He had hoped that she had moved on with her life, that she had built a family, and that she was happy, but the thought of her doing all of that with someone else still ripped him apart.

Her and him, they should have been together. They should have grown old together. Then the club would never have been able to consume him, he never would have done all those horrible things. There never would have been an empty house to return to, there never would have been the loveless touches of nameless women keeping him awake during the night.

But they hadn't been that lucky. He hadn't allowed himself to be that lucky. He had wished for something better for her, someone better.

They stepped through the front door. Juice leaned with his shoulder against the wall as a sudden outbreak of panic took over his body, squeezing his throat, causing his breath to escape in sharp, shallow pants.

They would find him. They would find him and then they would find her and they would hurt her.

For a moment, there was nothing but the swirling darkness around him, tugging at him, screaming at him. Turn around. Turn around. He was torn, he wanted to choke, he wanted to die but he also wanted to breathe, wanted to live.

"Hey... Look at me, Juan."

He felt her hands cupping his cheeks, startling him; cutting right through the sudden coldness that was consuming him. He was gasping for breath, staring into her eyes. They were still that blueish grey, large. Filled with sorrow. Sorrow that had never been there before.

"All right? You're safe here. You're safe, baby."

Her hands glided to the back of his head, bending it a little until her forehead rested against his. He felt her breathing brush across his lips while her thumbs were moving up and down along the tensed muscles in his neck.

Juice squeezed his eyes tightly, trying to stop the tears, but they kept pushing themselves through his eyelashes. His breathing however had calmed down and the tight darkness that was consuming him was slowly draining from his mind.

"Oh Juan... What happened to you?" Her arms glided around him, pulling him in and holding him tight.

Juice buried his face in the crook of her neck. His quivering lips touching her lightly and he felt how she shivered in response. Oh, how he wished he could turn back time. There was nothing he wanted more than to get her back.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered against her skin. "I felt so lost without you, my life was so pointless."

June started to sob too. Her arms tensed around him. "Then why did you leave?" she cried. "Why did you never come back to me? I never understood why you left – I still don't!"