Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

72 - Nothing New

A shorty today! 
This time from Erik's POV (: 

. . .

THE PAST

Panic raced through his body. The notebook – the black notebook was gone! Again he took all his stuff from his bag, shook his books, looked under the table, behind him. 

Had he lost it? Had someone found it in his bag? No – why would someone nose in his bag, pick that notebook of all the things in it and find his writings? 

Erik raked his hands through his curls, his fingers shaking. 

God, if someone would find it... The tears were already gathering in his eyes. They would be disgusted by him, like they had been disgusted by him at his former school. His breathing was stuck in his throat, he felt light in the head. He mentally repeated the breathing exercises his therapist had taught him. Breathe in deeply, hold it for a second, blow it out. 

And again. 

It barely helped. It felt like there was ice creeping through his veins. The notebook – he had to find the notebook! How could he have been so stupid to take it to school? But the thoughts... they were itching inside his skull, allowing the fear to control his mind again, the fear that history would repeat... 

Tears were gliding down his cheeks. O god, now he was even crying. Quickly he wiped his cheeks, afraid someone would see it. He glanced at the clock. Five more minutes and classes were over. If he had lost the notebook, he had to find it before the hallways were flooding with students. 

He put his stuff in his bag again and followed the route he had taken today. His eyes wandered across the floor. Nowhere – it was nowhere!

Again it felt like someone was squeezing his throat. It couldn't simply be vanished. Had he accidentally put it in his locker? He sped up his pace; as he reached the stairs he descended it with two steps at a time. 

Because of the panic he couldn't think straight anymore; he started to run to his locker. His fingers were trembling as he tried to put the key in the lock. Please, be here. Please. 

Finally he managed to open the locker. In a fit of panic he threw everything on the ground and dug into the pile of books, workbooks and notebooks. 

"Oh god..." With his fingers he combed desperately through his hair. The notebook wasn't there. "Oh god..."

Suddenly, someone grabbed a hand full of his hair and dragged him on his feet. 

"Hey pretty boy," a deep, threatening voice sounded.

Erik's stomach cringed. If he hadn't been trembling before, he would have done it now. 

"Lookin' for this?"

He failed to look up. Roughly, he was slammed against the lockers. He felt that everyone was watching him. Fingers dug into his chin, yanking his head upwards. A whimper left his lips as Emilio's icy eyes drilled into his. 

The boy was waving with the notebook. 

Erik was about to cry. 

"If you don't want me to tell the whole school what a sick pig you are, you come with me. Now."

He didn't want to go with Emilio – he really didn't want to; he was too scared of what the boy would do to him. Ever since the guy had pulled him off his chair, throwing him on the ground like garbage, his stomach content froze whenever he was around.