Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

77 - Insights

Not edited yet

THE PAST

Erik barely responded to the knock on his door. It had to be his mom again. She checked up on him every fifteen minutes to make sure he wasn't lying half dead on his bed. 

He stared at the tv. He couldn't remember he put in a video, nor did he recognize the movie. Neither did he know how long he was watching. 

Four days had passed since he woke up in the hospital. Ever since, he felt hollow. Although he welcomed the emptiness, here in his room. It was better than being around his mom, who showered him with guilt and shame. Somehow, he could shake off those feelings in here. 

The door  opened. He didn't look over his shoulder, instead he kept staring at the screen without saying anything. 

"Erik?" a quiet voice said. 

It felt like that whisper possessed the power to take down all walls. His head snapped to the side. The sight of her face called up so much shame he bent his head. 

She had texted him, the past days. He hadn't answered them – he simply hadn't known what to say to her. He knew he had called her before he passed out, but he couldn't remember anything about their conversation. 

She sat down next to him on the bed and wrapped her arms around him. The moment he felt her warmth, he broke. His shoulders started to shake and he clung at the girl. There was something calming about her scent, as went for the way she was stroking his back. 

She wasn't condemning him. Not like his mother, who had been hysterical, asking him a thousand times how he could do this to her. 

"I love you, Erik," June said softly. "I'm sorry I gave you the feeling you were all alone."

He squeezed his eyes. Tears slipped between his eyelashes. 

"Sorry," he whispered between his sobs. It was the only thing he managed to say. 

"It's okay. I'm here for you Erik."

She didn't beg him to never do it again, she was so full of warmth and peace that her presence was more effective than the hours of therapy that had worn him out the past days. 

After a long hug they let go of each other. Erik took his fogged glasses off, wiped the tears from his face and briefly looked at her. Her eyes were filled with tears. 

"How do you feel?" she asked. 

He shrugged his shoulders and bent his head. "Numb," he answered quietly. "Exhausted."

And scared. Scared that June would also see the real Erik and give up on him. 

"How do you feel?" he whispered. Skittishly he looked up. Whatever he had said before he went out – she must have panicked. 

"I'm just glad you didn't sent me away. I thought you would, since you weren't answering my texts."

"I could never send you away," he muttered. On the contrary – seeing her had been the only longing that was still inside him. Something that only increased his guilt. "I just didn't know what to say. I um – I can't remember our last call."

"You said goodbye." Softly sighing, she took his hands in hers. "Mateo – Juan's older brother – traced the call and called an ambulance."

The thought of Juan's brother made him flinch. Of all people it had been him who had saved his life – it called up a lot of mixed feelings. 

"Mateo told me what they did to you."

Full of shame, Erik stared at their laced fingers, wondering how that conversation had been.