Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

62 - All That's Lost

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THE PRESENT

His ears were ringing when Juice descended the stairs. The moment he reached the floor, he reached for June's hand, afraid he would collapse otherwise. Their fingers bumped, but before they could lace she pulled away her hand. 

The gesture caused a stab in his chest. Only a few minutes ago they had been on top of each other, loving each other and now... Now nothing had changed. It was Emilio who gave him a reassuring squeeze in the shoulder, but somehow Juice blamed him for this whole fucked up situation and angrily he turned away from him. His former friend looked away in disappointment, but Juice didn't give a shit about his feelings. 

His eyes wandered through the living room. His sight was blurry, it felt like he had drank too much. His son... He was about to meet his son. But where was he? Was it a joke? Wouldn't that be typically Emilio – ruining a beautiful moment between June and him by using a sick excuse? His fingers were clenching into a fist – and then the back door opened. 

Juice spun around. 

There he was. His kid. His son. 

The tone of his skin was similar to his, with which June's greyish blue eyes were contrasting. The left side of his dark hair was curt short, the rest had been combed to the right. 

Rafi froze in the doorway and stared at him with wide eyes. Juice felt the tears sting in his eyes. Only now he saw the boy, he truly realized that he had a kid. His lips were quivering as he tried to smile; he could barely breathe. 

"What the fuck is he doin' here?"

Juice tensed as he heard Rafi's voice. It was so similar to that of his brother that the tears were really itching in the corner of his eyes now. 

"I..."

He failed to make actual words. It felt like someone had slapped him in the face. Desperately he turned his face to the side – to June, to Emilio... June however was just as pale as he had to be. 

"He's visiting us," Emilio answered with a sternness in his voice surprising Juan. "C'mon, shake hands with your uncle."

"No fucking way. He's not family. Not when it took him fifteen fucking years before he wanted to be family."

"I didn't... I didn't know..." Juice stammered. 

"You didn't know what." Rafi lifted his chin in a provoking way. The gesture reminded him so much of Mateo that he really started to wonder if this was his kid. "You didn't know your brother left behind a pregnant woman when he died? You didn't feel like checkin' up on her?"

"Rafi..." June's voice sounded weak.

"No, fuck it ma. I don't want him in my life. Fuck off. We were fine without him."

"I'm sorry..." Juice's voice sounded just as soft as June's. "I just... I just didn't know."

"You didn't know what? That you're a fucking asshole for never payin' your sister in a law a visit after her boyfriend died?!"

Juice bent his head. What could he say? The boy was right. Should he tell him the truth? Explain to him that he had wanted to protect June? He couldn't imagine that wouldn't fuel his anger. 

The door slammed shut. Right through the glass he saw Rafi return to the barn to get his bike. 

Indignation made the hairs on his arms rise when Emilio started to chuckle and slapped his shoulder. "Well, it ain't hard to see from who he has that temper, huh? Don't worry, he'll come around. He doesn't do very well with changes."