Last Kiss Goodbye • Teenage Juice Ortiz

80 - Letting Go

THE PRESENT

Flashback

Tears were stinging in her eyes. Jordy didn't know who she hated more: him or herself. 

Probably herself. 

She let him in every time, forgiving him. She kept hoping that he would grow up, that they could have a normal relationship. 

Taking a deep breath, she stared forward. Her sight was blocked by skyscrapers, which annoyed her. Even though she liked the hustle and bustle of the city, there were also days it was suffocating her. It felt like there was no quiet, no peacefulness; everywhere were lights and noises. 

Her legs dangled down the edge of the roof. The asphalt was at least sixty feet beneath her. She didn't care. All she could think, was that despite all his tough talk he was too chicken to sit here. 

She pulled a baggy of weed from her pocket to roll a joint. Another bad habit she had started because of him. He had a bad influence on her, and still it was so damn hard to let him go. 

She didn't even know why she was still on this stupid party. June and Juan had left hours ago. However, she was too proud to go home, she didn't want to show him how much he hurt her. Not that he would notice it with his drunken head, but still. Others might see it. Pretending she didn't care gave her more satisfaction, although she had to get her emotions straight first. 

Let's see how he would react when she kissed someone in front of his nose. 

For a moment a wave of music washed over her when someone opened the door to the roof, then the noise was muffled again. Jordy didn't look over her shoulder. Nobody would look for her. There were plenty of people she could have fun with, but having fun and comforting someone where two very different things. The last thing people wanted on a party like this was cheering someone up. 

She concentrated on rolling the joint. Her fingers were shaking. Whether it was because of the alcohol, the anger or the powerlessness, she didn't know. 

Someone sat down beside her, pulling the partly rolled joint out of her fingers. "You know better than getting high on a rooftop."

"I'm not going to jump," she huffed. "And certainly not because of that asshole."

"You wouldn't be the first one falling." He put the joint away and studied her face. "Your boyfriend got stoned sitting in a window and fell too."

Jordy sighed softly and turned her head to the side. In silence she stared at Mateo. She didn't know if she liked having him around or not. His intentions were always a mystery. He wasn't the type of guy sitting beside dumped girls when there was some wild party going on. Especially not when he didn't plan to get into their pants.

"Juan went home," she said. "You don't have to sit beside me to be the caring brother."

Mateo lit a cigarette, as if he wanted to show her he had gone out to smoke. Which was bullshit – the apartment was filled with smoke.

"I think I'm the reason why E's such a bitch tonight."

She raised her eyebrows. Emilio admired Mateo and it wouldn't be the first time when his older friend would inspire him. How it explained why her boyfriend had kissed various girls tonight, she didn't see. 

Mateo tore his glance away and stared at the grey building at the other side of the road. "We kissed. Thereafter he panicked, downed more drinks and tried to convince himself he's only into girls."

"You... you kissed Emilio?" she asked astonished. The words had barely left her mouth or she started to laugh. It felt like all her emotions were bursting out of her skin; she laughed so hard the tears rolled down her cheeks.