Liv & Noah

Chapter Twenty: The Night That Dwells

Liv

Friday

January 18, 2019

22:08 pm (10:08 pm)

Somehow this was worse than New Year's Eve.

Not just because the music seemed louder or shittier, or the house seemed even more filled to the brim.

But because of yesterday.

Noah told me something personal...and I just shut it down. Because I didn't want to hear it or believe it. And I hated the taste that it all left in my mouth. It seemed worse than guilt...it was some other kind of feeling altogether.

Isa and Janna were off getting drinks, and probably getting drunk. We all knew Engel's sole purpose for wanting to be here was to find Noah and find out who this 'pretty girl' was.

I was sitting on the couch with Imaan, she was filling me in on the details of her grandmother's situation. But I felt terrible because I wasn't really completely paying attention. My eyes kept scanning the room for Noah. It was like I desperately wanted to explain myself, that...I didn't mean to respond so frigidly. Or maybe I did. Maybe I don't want him to like me like that. Maybe we'd do best as friends at most. We could be just friends.

Like he said, we have things in common. Friends have things in common. We don't have to be romantically involved just because we like similar things.

But it wasn't really about that.

You don't weirdly focus of your friends the way I seemed to be focusing on him. The way I seemed to pay attention to the way his lips curved, or every moment he ran his fingers through his fluffy hair.

You don't do that with friends.

I laid back on the couch.

I felt like such a bummer. Watching everyone drink and dance and jump around. They were all having such a grand time. Laughing and smiling, bodies grinding against each other, lips smashing together. Teens at their finest.

Isa came running back to us, handing me and Imaan cups of Cranberry juice "it was the only non-alcoholic thing I could see in the kitchen" she sort of screamed over the music. I made an effort to throw on a smile as I took the cup from her. She had some sort of alcoholic concoction in her cup, and soon enough Engel came around with a beer bottle in hand.

"I can't find him!" she screamed

"It's a big party in a big house, I'm sure he's somewhere" Imaan smirked, a hint of sarcasm in her tone. She was definitely in no hurry to help Engel find Noah. And I knew that technically I should've been...in a hurry to find him. It was my initial plan to stop him from telling her anything.

But...after yesterday, the more I thought about it...I wasn't really in biggest of hurries to see him...let alone find him on purpose.

I sighed and tried to act normal "Engel, it's a party. There are tons of other guys here that you could talk to"