Ereri - A Loving Mistake - Eren x Levi - Attack on Titan Yaoi

Failure

(Trigger Warning)

Eren had gone home that day questioning his sanity. What the hell had his life become? Falling in love with a teacher, living on his own, and being a total fuck up.

He had been pretty happy that day, but... he found that the happiness was false. He felt like a balloon, deflating slowly.

He just had to fall in love with Levi.

And it wasn't Levi being the one he loved that irritated him. What irritated him was that he didn't deserve to feel love.

"He would be better off with that blonde... She's so much better than me... I shouldn't have yelled at her... I shouldn't have chased her away from Levi... And Armin..." Eren flinched, the memories of the confession returning to him. "Armin... All I'm doing is hurting him... I shouldn't have turned him down. I shouldn't exist in the first place..."

He just couldn't do this. His sister left. It was his fault his mother died that night. Hewas being selfish with Levi. He was hurting Armin so badly... He was failing half his classes... What was he supposed to do?

He just sat on the edge of his bed, his head held low and his hair covering his face. He choked back tears.

You know that feeling you get when you know you can't handle anything? It's like you have been sitting in a pool calmly and happily, totally used to things, when suddenly a huge wave crashes down and it's like you're sinking into impossible tasks. You just sit there and all the sudden you can't breathe and you can't think about anything other than how fucked up everything is and you just know you can't fix it and there's nothing left to do. There's nothing left to aim for. You're pushing through obstacles and you realize- there is nothing beyond this. I just keep running and pushing and trying and suffereing, praying for a solution, praying for happiness, but I now know- there is nothing there. it's like chasing after a rainbow. It's like trying to find the edge of the Earth. It's not there. It never was there. It doesn't exist and everything is meaningless and you know that you cannot do anything about it but cry like the helpless fuck you are.

Eren bit his lip until it was nearly bleeding, and his eyes stung with tears threatening to fall, but he kept his eyes squeezed shut. "No." He choked out, his voice nothing more than a faint whisper. "No no no no no!" He found himself yelling louder and louder. "WHY ME! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" Eren screamed at the top of his lungs, and one tear after another fell from his eyes, landing onto the floor. The tears fell faster and faster, stinging more and more as Eren made choked sobbing sounds, like a dying, helpless animal.

That's what Eren had been reduced to.

A fucking dying, helpless animal with no control over his life, no control over his enviorment, no control over his mind, and no control over his emotions.

"Please... Help me..." He sobbed, pulling his hair. "Help me... Help me... Help me... I can't do this..."

Eren opened his eyes and looked at his hand.

There were marks on his hand. He remembered making them very well.

Shortly after his mother had died and Mikasa had left, he hit rock bottom.

He avoided Armin, he never left his room, he barely ate and he barely slept. All he did was cry, and cry, and scream and scream until his throat was raw and he had no tears left to cry.

One day, a week into his depressing mental breakdown, Mikasa called.

Eren didn't want to answer the phone. He tried to ignore it, but she just kept calling and calling.