Fatal Fantasies

chapter 29

Alvin POV

 I was in the cafe and I was more than shocked  to see the person whom I left on the road betrayed sitting there looking at me sadly. I turned around and my heart sank deep down at her site. I looked at her for the corner of my eyes and a lone tear left her beautiful eyes followed by a stream as she swallowed them and the flash of anger hated cross her face . I hated that hatred look  towards me she was just looking at me with and hatred in her eyes .

Did she recognise me?

Did she stopped loving me ?

Did she moved on?

of course!
  How do you think she would continue loving a person like you after what you have done to her ?she had moved on! My inner soul shouted at me and I just couldn't take the word ' Moved On ' as they hit me like a hard rock making my heart bleed.

I stood up and run away from there again like a covered just like last time where my inner soul begged me not to. My innersoul left it with her from the day .

I just want to hold her in my arms and say "I love you more !" 

Yes, I love her !
we as human beings make so many mistakes when we haven't figured out who we are in this world. Somewhere along the line where we are finding ourselves , an innocent beautiful lady will get caught in crossfire of our life and it's problems.

She came into my life like a blessing from God and after a long time I was happy I thought I would and could ever be ! I could watch her for hours but I just couldn't do it not now, not at this moment and not forever only because of my decision which I took in all my  sense only to hurt us.

I fell in love with her madly and then I have never loved anyone more than her . I love her more than I ever love myself .She had such beauty within her that she made me forget how lost I was without her.

You guys  might think I may be a hypocrite because I knew all of this and I choose not to fight for her , for us. When she needed me the most.

We all make mistakes so do I!
But instead of apologizing I sat in my own darkness and pushing her  into her own darkness.  I could have saved us and I should have !
I heard her heart break from where I stood and I did nothing to save us. It's those moments where there is nothing but silence and I can see the person whom I swored to protect from breaking and I am first  person who broke it at the end.

I was silent at that moment as no words came out of my mouth because suddenly I have no words left to speak. I promised myself that the moment of silence will never invade our lives and I will stand in front of her to chase all the darkness away from her life , but I failed to keep my promise !

Every night after that day I had the dream that she is standing in front of me and begging me to come to save her so that I can save us. She was yelling at me to do something to fight for our relationship , our love, our forever ! To drive over, to hold her, to tell her that it's going to be ok these are just the dark clouds which hovered us but they will pass away. To stand by her and say I love her and I will love her forever each time .

But each damn time I was chained to the walls and I can't move . I can't move to save my heart break from her heart break. I watch that look in her eyes, that twinkle which I thought my home just turned into a Whirlpool of anger which I am drowning and everything in between as she broke her heart  in front of me .

After I left her I couldn't believe that she wasn't with me anymore . I know its been only a few days but as if people say , if you keep doing something over and over you get addicted and it becomes a part of your routine and your life. Now thinking about her became my addicted routine which I can't get rid of anymore. I feel a part of my life is missing from that moment she left .
May be I missed her anger or
May be I missed her arguments or
May be I miss her fights with me or
Maybe I missed her beautiful smile or
May be I missed her head on my chest in sleep or
May be I miss her love.