Lost Loving Souls (Connor x Reader)

Chapter 50

You woke up still in Connor's arms. You had to admit, you liked it. It felt nice and he was really warm. He must've sensed that you had woken up because he came out of sleep mode soon after. He smiled at you.

"Good morning, (Y/n)."

"Morning, Connor." You replied.

"Did you sleep any better?" He asked. 

"Yeah. I'm better now." You told him honestly. He looked pleased with your answer. You both got up and you chuckled as you saw Connor's hair. He looked confused. 

"What is it?" You grinned.

"Y-your hair! It's curly! Hahaha!" He realized this and blushed, clearly embarrassed.

"I-I usually sleep staying still. I suppose I wasn't expecting it to get messy." He said. You smiled.

"It's okay, Connor." You told him. "It looks cute." He looked surprised, but he smiled.

"I suppose I could try to wear it like this once in a while." You nodded.

"It would look really cute if we went to the beach in the summer." You said. He smiled brighter.

"It would?"

"Yeah! Of course, it might not stay if we went swimming. You...can swim, right?"

"Yes. I can swim." He confirmed. You smiled.

"Maybe someday I can teach you how to surf."

"You surf?" He asked. You nodded.

"I used to surf all the time with my dad and my brother." You explained. "It's...been a long time since I've even been to the beach." You said, your heart sinking again. He realized that you were remembering again.

"What...what happened to your brother?" You looked over at him. You sighed. Everyone knew the stories about how your family died. You didn't have a reason to hide it.

"My brother was very emotional when my sister died. I tried to help him and so did my parents, but...he wouldn't listen to us. He looked up to her. The three of us were really close. On New Years when we were 18 years old it had been a year after she'd died. Well, it had been around a year, anyway. He went to a party with some friends, got very drunk intentionally, according to his friends, passed out on the bed after taking a handful of pain killers he'd found in the bathroom, and on New Year's day when they went to wake him up...they found he was cold and didn't have a pulse." Connor looked stunned. 

"(Y/n)...I...I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." You told him. "He didn't mean to do it." 

"What do you mean?"

"I know my brother. He didn't want to die. He wanted the pain to stop. But in his attempts to numb himself...he ended up going after my sister instead." Connor looked away, clearly thinking about what you had said.

"What about your sister?"

"She was shot by her boyfriend." 

"What!?" Connor exclaimed, stunned that you said it so calmly.

"I knew Henry was trouble. We all did. She just wouldn't listen because she'd known him for so long. She didn't see that he was changing. We couldn't tell her what we saw because we didn't want to hurt her."

"But...why did he kill her?" Connor asked. 

"My sister was the girl all the boys would stare at. Take a guess what he wanted from her that night." Connor's eyes widened.

"Oh..."

"She refused, finally seeing that he was an ugly piece of shit, but the moment she tried to leave...he lashed out. My sister tried to run and tell the cops that Henry had illegal weapons, but he ended up using one on her and he got found out anyway. The neighbors heard the gunshot. Before he could do anything with her, he was arrested and charged guilty instantly. I don't know where he is anymore. I heard he tried to escape jail and got shot by the guards. It's probably true. He would've come to kill us if he'd gotten out. Not that if he was still alive he'd know where I am. After my brother, our family dropped off the map for a while. During that time, I met Shane. We weren't in anything serious, but then my parents died in a car crash. They were run off the bridge by a semi that slipped on ice. The car was never recovered. So, now you know how it went from five to four to three and finally to one." Connor looked shocked and saddened by your story.

"I had no idea just how much had happened." You looked over at him.

"Nobody does at first glance. Everybody in the department knows about my brother and Shane. A few know about my sister. Hank and Gavin are the ones that everything. Fowler knows too, but that's just because he pulled up my records when I applied to be on Detroit's police force. I was happier then because that was before Shane left me. It's why I was like Hank. Why I got on so fast. After Shane, I gave up everything I loved doing. I couldn't enjoy anything without thinking of somebody I lost. For the longest time, I wasn't even eating. I was just drinking and sleeping. Fowler doesn't have the absences on my police record. Hank convinced him to hide it. When I finally had a bit of the will to live again, I came back and from that point on I wasn't the same. I let myself go to waste, even though my body hasn't changed miraculously. I still look the same, but I can see the differences. I know they're there, Connor. I know that I'm a wreck. Every day I look in the mirror and I see everything that's wasted away. I bet that's hard for you to understand though, isn't it? Androids don't have to worry about how they look and they can just fix themselves. Replace the scars. Nobody will see the damage because it's so easily removed." You said, your voice turning a bit bitter at the last part. "Androids are perfect and it's why I don't understand you. Why me? I'm nothing special. This has happened to other people. It's not like it hasn't. I just want to let myself slip away, but I can't because just like Hank I'm not brave enough to get it over with. I don't understand how you can see good in something so pathetic." You said. You felt him hug you after a moment.

"Have you ever been on a rollercoaster?" He asked suddenly. You were confused.

"Uh, yeah? Why?" You asked.

"Think of it like a hill on a rollercoaster. You go up, you go down, but to get back to where you were, you have to go up again." He said. You paused. "Besides, if you fall low enough, you can only go up. You just need help getting there." You smiled a little.

"You aren't gonna give up, are you?"

"It is an unlikely event." You chuckled.

"I thought unlikely events had a tendency to take place with you." You pointed out. 

"Well...I'm looking into different unlikely events," Connor replied.

"I guess I'll have to find out what those are."

"I hope you will."