Lost Loving Souls (Connor x Reader)

Chapter 153

Connor's POV

"NO!" I shot awake. I was shaking again and my body felt oddly cold compared to how warm I should've been. I looked around, finding myself back in the bedroom. I sighed, laying back down.

I had been having the same nightmare for the past week now. I didn't have it every night and they weren't exactly the same, but they were relatively the same. No matter what, in every nightmare, (Y/n) died. 

Sometimes, it would be because of me. I'd see myself killing her by some means, the anger of the virus controlling my actions. Kamski had found a virus in my software. It had been Shane's last resort. If he failed, he wanted to tear us apart as well to make sure that what he did wasn't for nothing. I wished I could explain that to (Y/n), but she had gotten away a week before and nobody has seen her since.

It had been three weeks since she'd run away now. I was getting very worried. I knew that she was safe, but I wasn't just worried about her. I was now worried about the baby. I wanted to know that both of them were doing okay. 

I doubted that (Y/n) had gone to see a doctor. She wanted to remain hidden and going to a hospital would risk her cover. No matter how much she might've needed one, I knew she'd probably refuse to see one. 

So much was running through my mind. It was overwhelming. I didn't know what else to do. I was hoping for word on her location every day, but every day ended with me going home with nothing. 

It wasn't just the fact that I was worried. I also missed her. I missed her more than I thought possible. The only time I had felt this pain was when she had truly left me. Or, at least when I thought she had left me. 

As I laid there, I knew I wasn't going to get back to sleep. I got up and pulled on some better clothes for going out. I was just going to walk around, but I hoped it would help clear my head. 

I headed out on my own. It was a nice night out and the city was quiet. Not many people were up at this out. If they were, they normally stayed inside. I cool night air was comforting to me in a certain way. The freshness of it certainly did help me relax a small bit.

As I walked, I came to a very familiar area. It was the place I had gone to with (Y/n) for that small outdoor shop party. I smiled at the memory of dancing with her. She was such a wonderful dancer. 

I frowned, the memory turning into a sad one. I wished I could dance with her again. I wanted to have the feeling inside of me again. There was so much I was missing without her. It was overwhelming to me. 

I sighed heavily and kept going, passing the area and wandering further into the city. I eventually made it to the park Hank and I had talked at. I remembered how he'd drawn the gun on me and I hadn't been as afraid as I should've been. 

It was strange thinking about how I had acted before I'd become a deviant. It just didn't feel like that had been me. Then again, I knew that wasn't me. Not the real me, anyway. 

I walked over to the spot where we had been and I looked out at the water and the bridge in the distance. It seemed oddly inactive this time. I couldn't see any lights drifting across the bridge, marking the traveling cars. There were none. 

I leaned against the railing, deciding to stay there for a bit. I looked out at the water, watching as the moonlight made it look like it was sparkling. It really was a lovely view. What I would give to have (Y/n) here beside me right now. I thought, imagining holding her close to me as we looked out at the view together.

"Connor?" For a moment, I thought my wish had been granted. I turned, praying to see (Y/n), but I was met with someone else I had not seen in a while.

"Oh...hello, Symphony." She walked over.

"What are you doing here? Why are you out so late?" She asked.

"I could ask you the same questions," I told her. 

"I come here sometimes to get away from everything. I used to do this back home. There was this little pond out in the woods. I would sit under the biggest tree and just watch the water. Sometimes, I would see some animals around. I would always love seeing the deer come to drink. The fawns were the cutest." She admitted. I smiled a little. 

"That does seem nice," I replied. Silence befell both of us as I went back to staring down at the water.

"I'm guessing you don't come here often." She said, breaking the silence.

"No. I've only been here one other time, actually." 

"Really? When was that?" She asked. 

"It was before I became deviant. Hank mentioned he used to come here a lot as well with his son before Cole died." 

"That's sad. The loss, I mean." I nodded.

"I know I'll never replace Cole, but I'm proud to be called Hank's son. Sometimes, I don't feel like I deserve it." I admitted.

"Why?" She asked. I paused, looking over at her.

"Why?" She nodded. I looked at the water, thinking. 

"I...I don't feel like I'm worthy of it. I'm just an android. I've made so many mistakes and this one seems to be my worst. It seems like no matter what I do, I...I mess it up." 

"This mistake? What mistake?" She asked. I realized she had no idea what was going on between me and (Y/n).

"These past three weeks have been hard. I got into a fight with (Y/n) and she ran off. I...I threw her on accident. I swear I didn't mean to! I...I wasn't myself. Now...I just wish I could explain that to her. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am and that no matter what I will always be there for her. Well...at least I wanted to always be there for her. Now...I don't even know where she is. I know she's still in the city, which I should be happy about, but...I guess this city didn't seem so big before all of this. Er...well...you get what I mean, right?" She nodded.

"I understand." I felt her give me a side hug and I sighed through my nose. I didn't feel like hugging back. I could tell she understood that and she clearly didn't mind.

"You know, my mother always says everything happens for a reason. Look at me and Koen. Everything we went through made him realize that he didn't want to lose me. It might have been a horrible situation, but something good came out of it. If that hadn't happened, he might never have realized that he loved me and if or when he would have realized, it might have been too late." 

"I...I suppose a lot of the things that have happened have brought us closer together, but this does not seem to be having that effect. I think my luck in these situations has finally run out. I know I deserve this. I should never have acted so brashly. This is my fault and I accept that. I just wish I knew how to fix it." 

"You'll figure it out. You're the great Connor Anderson, RK800 Detective and hero to the android revolution. They wouldn't have made it without you. If you can brave through that, you can do this too." I smiled a little.

"Thank you, Symphony." 

"Sometimes you just have to find somebody willing to listen." She told me. We hugged and she turned to leave. "Are you coming?" 

"No. I'll head home soon, I promise. I just want a little more time out here. It really is a nice night." I said. She smiled.

"Goodluck, Connor." I turned. Our eyes locked and I realized I was lucky to have so many people around to help me. I was lucky that people cared. I was not as alone as I thought.

"Thank you, Symphony."

"Anything for a friend."