Moving on with you (complete)

Twenty One

The girls had all dressed up beautifully for my night. We all split the price of the many bottles of alcohol, after going shopping I was shocked at the prices the guys pay for their party's. I hadn't got half the stuff they usually prepare and I'm still left broke.

I set up some pre made shots and lined them up in ordered rows to allow the party to kick off organised. Cal came over early, giving me my birthday present along with spending some quality time together. "It's not much but I honestly didn't know what to give you." He said handing me a small flat box. I unwrapped the present immediately knowing it was jewellery by the suede box. I opened up to find the glistening diamonds blinding me. It was a sapphire stone circled by diamonds, dangling from a silver chain. "Oh my god Cal, not much?" I said shocked quoting him. "This is beautiful, put it on me." I said jumping. "Haha, I'm glad you like it." He said taking it out the box and looping it round my neck. It fell perfectly short below my collar bones. "Fuck, this is amazing." I pulled him into a hug to show my thanks, before showing it off to the girls.

It wasn't long before 9pm struck and my small home became smaller with the large group of friends walking around my flat. I was surprised the boys from the sidemen were okay with me, after all they were Harry's friend more than they were mine. Simon approached me pulling me into a hug and wishing me happy birthday, followed by the others. Vix was especially sweet, I knew him least out of everyone but I was always intrigued by him. Meanwhile JJ was well...JJ. He picked me up over his shoulder and walked me into the kitchen before demanding I downed a birthday drink he made. A mixer that tasted more like spirts than it did juice.

I hinted at the whereabouts of Harry but no one seemed to know. The worry was growing increasingly as the night went on. It was only when midnight was approaching did I feel completely overwhelmed. I stepped into my bedroom and called him. The false confidence from the alcohol taking over.

"Hey." He answered.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked wishing I asked him before. There was a long pause of hesitation before he finally replied. "Not great, not bad but not great. How are you?" He asked.

The tears started streaming and I began blubbering down the phone. "I miss you please just come tonight-"

"Eva-" he jumped in. "I just want to see you and I'm sorry. I don't understand why we can't be friends." I said mumbling. The noise from the other room blocking my hearing. There was no sound from the other line. I looked down at my phone to see my home screen. I felt my heart rip at the thought of him ending the call. Why was he being so fucking difficult, was this what I was like?

I left my phone in my room and grabbed my cigarettes. I didn't approve of how much of a routine this had become. I caught Cleo on the walk out, convincing her to come with me for company. "I'm not trying to be a perve but some of the people you know are extremely hot, like ooof." She mumbled, i could tell she was hyped off that tipsy feeling. He attitudes taking my mind off Harry and allowing me to laugh. She took a fag off me and sat down on the floor outside, leaning against the wall. I joined her, listening her mumble on about guys.

"Corr, and Ethan's alright. He's small but he's got that build you know. But nah Simons a little bit of me." She said trying to shake off the thought. "I believe Ethan's single however Simons girlfriend Talia, is up there." I laughed.

"Oh god I know, she's fucking incredible. Honestly I think I'd rather have her than Simon." She said causing us both to laugh. "When I first saw her I was shook by how pretty she is." I said adding to it. "Mate he's punching. With me it would be an even match." She mumbled. "No he'd be punching with you." I said doing the soppy best friend routine. "Nah, Eva I know I'm pretty, and Simon is hot. But Talia is out of this world pretty."

"Agreed." I laughed. Cleo gestured for us to go inside but I stayed out. Lighting up another fag and talking to the stars, thinking of Harry and Alex. I knew i needed her advice, I needed her to tell me to move on. I needed her to reassure me that it's okay. Even though I knew it was impossible.

It had been over a month since I last spoke to Alex, it just didn't feel the same after visiting her grave. Like the idea that she'd gone had finally sunken in, making talking to her feel more like talking to myself. But there's one last thing I needed to say. I picked myself off the floor and walked over to to a more visible place by the skinny trunk trees. I looked at the stars through the branches, took a deep breath in, and began. My voice crackling in the wind, frightened to speak.

"Hi Alex, sorry it been a while. Look um, I'm in a bit of a situation here. I think I've been holding myself back from, from falling in love again." The tears now breaking free onto my skin. My throat swelling up making it harder to breathe. "I know it's because I can't let you go. But you're not here anymore so I have to ask this. Would it be okay if I moved on?" I asked frightened of the following silence. Nothing but wind to drown out my voice. It was then and there I realised that Alex is forever and truly gone, I couldn't stop my life to talk to the stars. The realisation felt like the final few bricks of my wall crashing down, allowing me to walk through the other side. It felt light, and warm, and all I saw was Harry.