Hamilton Reacts to Stuff!!

Happy Birthday Thomas!

A/N: Takes place in between the end of the chapter and the epilogue

[The parlor is decorated with pink streamers and balloons]

Quinn: Hey guys! We have another birthday to celebrate today!

Hamilton: *mutters under breath* We have the worst day of my life to celebrate today!

Jefferson: *smirks* That's right. It's my birthday!

All: *awkward silence, with the sound of a cough somewhere in the back*

Madison: Happy birthday, Thomas. *brings him his present*

Jefferson: *opens it to find an Alexander Hatred Club hat with Burr's face in the center of the logo* *gasps* The merchandise is in!

Madison: *smiles* That's right. All the mugs, hats, mousepads, t-shirts, and golf balls you could possibly want.

Jefferson: What about the throw pillows?

Madison: ...*quickly murmurs to Quinn* Quinn, I'm gonna need to order some throw pillows...

Laff: My turn! I have a gift for Thomas too. *gives a bottle of French wine*

Jefferson: Ooh, thank you, Lafayette!

Laff: Imported directly from France, thanks to my wife. *smiles*

Quinn: Alex? You have a gift for Thomas too, right?

Hamilton: Why don't I just go throw myself into the street? That should be gift enough for him, right?

Quinn: Alex, get your butt over here.

Hamilton: *grumbles, trudges over, and opens up a paper* Thomas.

You're obnoxious and cunning, you lie your way through.

You get what you want, you don't care what you do.

You started a club out of hatred for me

Even though there's none more unbearable I see

You're the hairy gremlin I've come to expect

But there's something about you I oddly respect.

You know what you want, and you fight 'till it's yours

Attacks against you are met with ignores

You hate my guts, I hate your face,

But you were still my choice in the presidents' race.

We don't get along, that's a fact clear as day.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, happy birthday, my number one foe,

But let it be known I still hate you though.

I hope you paid attention and didn't get bored.

And if I survived this, I deserve an award.

All: *applaud*

Jefferson: *puts his hand on Alex's shoulder, smirking* Alexander, I'm honored!

Hamilton: Yeah. Well, you'd better be, because that's the last time I ever say anything nice about you. Blugh.

Jefferson: Can I keep that poem? I wanna frame it.

Hamilton: *goes to rip it up*

Quinn: Alex! Give it to him!

Hamilton: *sighs, hands it to Jefferson without looking at him*

Jefferson: *takes it smugly, folds it up and tucks it inside his jacket*

Quinn: We've got mac and cheese for dinner, and for desert, we've got vanilla ice cream.

Jefferson: Ooh, my favorites!

Quinn: And we've got one more surprise for you. *whistles*

[ENTER SECRETARY SQUISHYPAWS]

Jefferson: *gasps* MISTER SECRETARY!!!! *lets him run into his arms and picks him up* (A/N: I imagine SS being a little white froo-froo dog, like a toy poodle or a poodle/shih tzu mix) Did you miss your daddy? Huh? Did you miss your daddy?! * holds him like a baby and kisses him all over*

Burr: So that's the dog he's always bragging about.

Hamilton: Nice to know the guy has a heart somewhere.

Quinn: Well, that's all for us today! Whether you love or hate Thomas-

Jefferson: Wait what do you mean-

Quinn: Send him some birthday wishes in the comments! That's all for now, guys. We'll see you next time on Hamilton Reacts to Stuff!