warmth ✶ choi beomgyu

─ thirty-seven

june 15, 2020

"come on, just tell her," beomgyu swiveled in his desk chair as he debated the pros and cons of his situation, "it's not like she'll be mad." he laughed in relief as he thought of who he was dealing with, "it's yue. yue never gets mad."

his finger hovered over the call button, still. he couldn't force himself to press it, no matter how many pep talks he gave himself.

after six failed countdowns from three, he finally pressed the button.

it rang four times, before he heard his favorite voice.

"hello?"

"can we talk for a bit?"

it was quiet on her line, before she answered, "sure! i'll be over in five?"

"ok," he replied, ending the call.

his nerves spiked immediately, as he began to pace his empty living room. he had assured himself that everything would be okay, but he couldn't shake the feeling that this wouldn't go the way he wanted it to.

he heard a couple knocks, and immediately opened the door for her. beomgyu tried to mask his nervousness, but yue could see it right away.

"what's wrong?"

"let's sit down first," he guided her to his couch, then sitting in the spot directly next to her. "what i'm about to tell you could change a lot of things."

yue furrowed her brows, letting out a nervous giggle, "ok?"

he grabbed her hand, "promise me you won't be mad."

"you're scaring me, gyu. just tell me."

"well," he sighed deeply, before slowly ripping the bandaid off, "my parents are sending me abroad.."

"when? where? why?" yue had so many questions, but her brain just couldn't seem to articulate while trying to grasp the news thrown at her.

beomgyu let his head drop, "in two weeks. and i don't know how long, i just know they at least want me to finish my last semester of high school there." beomgyu knew how long he would actually be gone. he suspected it'd be around two to three years. but he knew that it'd be too much on yue if he told her now.

she looked calm. it was odd, as beomgyu had expected her to be at least sad, or irritated. but when his eyes traveled to her hands, he saw how much they were shaking, and he realized that she was holding it in.

"how long have you known?"

"huh?"

yue sighed, "beomgyu, i know you heard me."

"i've known.. the whole time."

"the whole time as in..?"

as he spoke, beomgyu realized just how stupid he sounded, "the entire time i've known you."

"beomgyu," she began, her voice wavering, "i've dealt with so many things from you. your aloofness, your rudeness, your jealousy," she breathed, trying to stabilize herself, "but this, this i can't deal with. you kept this from me the entire time? you didn't think that i should've gotten a warning?"

"it's not like that—"

"am i not important enough to know this?" her voice cracked, as she stood up.

he grabbed her hand again, shaking his head, "i couldn't find the right way to tell you.. i tried, trust me."

"you leave in fourteen days, beomgyu, and who knows for how long. i get that it isn't your fault but—"

she paused, trying to find the right words. beomgyu urged, "but what?"

"but i think you should've considered how i would feel; how i feel right now."

she walked to the front door, beomgyu only a few steps behind, "w-where are you going?" his voice shook with uncertainty, as he watched her put on her shoes.

"i just need some space. i need to think some things over."

it took everything within him to not grab onto her. he instead watched her walk out and close the door softly behind herself.

he slid down the wall, his cheeks wet and his eyes blurred.

stupid, stupid, stupid. beomgyu felt like an idiot, and the biggest of them all—because the very thing he had done to protect what they had, turned out to be what ruined them.

-

oof,,
about three or four more chapters guys :'(