shine || ptg hui x (g)idle soojin

XVI : thankful

i didn't expected this to be this fun. i mean i thought it'll go awkward since it's just only me and her. she really changed. a lot.  she's not the bimbo girl that i've encountered before. we went on a arcade and played some random games. then we entered a karaoke room and sang some songs. taylor swift's love story played and she started singing. she has a soft, angelic and pure voice. it was so calming 'till the end.

it was my turn and i chose queen's bohemian rhapsody. while i was singing, she closed her eyes and swayed her head. she feeling it. she imitated as if she's holding an electric guitar and started imagining to strum. we both imitated like how freddie mercury did it. in the end, we were catching our breaths and decided to take a rest. we sang like 9 songs in total and i felt that my vocal chords were stressed.

"we still have one more song. let's choose a ballad one." she said and tried to find on the music book. she found a western song entitled release me by engelbert humperdick. that song was ages ago like 30 years ago but the vibe of the song didn't felt old.

while she was singing, she looked like an angel with an angelic voice. i find her mole attractive and i don't know why. i just like it. my world stopped for a moment and everything moves in slow motion. i can heart my heart beating fast and felt butterflies on my stomach.

is this a sign that you are inlove? i once stumbled on an article on how do you know when you are already inlove and i felt it all. as in. but i shouldn't be feeling this way. she a high class person, more like a vip while i'm just a low class person or gen ad. i should stop what i am feeling. this is not right.

we went to the restaurant and ate some since we drained our energy from singing. this feeling still bothers me. aren't i too fast to feel this? we just met months ago and i have this feelings for her plus her first interaction with me wasn't that good.

"i ordered samyupsal, kimchi stew and gamjatang. is that okay for you?" she said and closed the menu. i nodded. she called the waiter and told him our order. she pulled out a... black card? and gave it to the waiter. she has a black card? no doubt that they're rich.

"you should've let me pay," i told her while putting back the card on her purse.

"don't worry, it's okay," she said and tapped my shoulders. here goes back these unexplainable feelings again.

"i'm the guy here. i should be the on to pay plus i'm also the one who invited you to go out." i said.

"it's not a big thing hui, okay?" she said and i just nodded. we talked about random things until our topic came to my sister, jieun.

"you really gave that necklace to her?" i asked her. i can still clearly remember what happened on jieun's birthday. she wore a necklace and it looked so expensive!

"yeah, why not cause it's her birthday, right?" she said. it's not that i don't want someone giving something on my sister but we're not just used of those expensive things.

"it looked so expensive." i said in a normal tone. she looked at me with pleading eyes.

"why do you always sound sorry when we are talking about money or like those expensive things?" she looked at me, with those serious eyes.

"i-it's because i thought that  you might think that i'm just befriending you for money. i just don't want any people saying that i'm a gold digger. i'm not that type, soojin," i looked down and i felt very down.

"i don't care if i spend a lot of money even if i know it's not worth it. cause i know that it's the only way that i can make it up on you." she said.

a minute later followed by another, none of us spoke anything until the food arrived. still, none of us spoke until we finished our food. we got out of the mall and decided to take a stroll in the park. the stars were shining brightly on the sky and it looked nice while twinkling. i will be one of them soon. i will be a star, someday.

"did you know back then, our family would often come on this park during sunday and have a picnic together. we looked like a family back then. how i wish we could go back to that again. if not because of mom, we should've stayed as a complete family. at first, i won't believe that dad said that he saw mom with another guy not until i saw it with my own eyes. i wanted to ask mom, aren't we enough for you? why do have to look for something else if you already have one? you should be contented of what you have because not all can have what you have right now. i felt that it was the downfall of our family that time. she just left us without a word then she'd come back like as if nothing happened? i hated her for that. she's my mother but is that a true trait of being a mother? a mother is like a light on a  house. she lights up the whole house and the entire family. but our house was doomed and also our family. i just hope that someday, we can go back like the old days. i hope so."

i said and prevented myself not to shed any tear. i have never opened up to a person like this before.

"back then, i was described as a black sheep in the family. when i was on high school, i met a guy named jaeyi. he was a volleyball captain of our varsity team. aside from being an athlete, he always tops on his class and he was a student council. who would've fall for him, right? i was an introvert girl back then, i only have few friends when we met. and that's how everything started until we got out for a date and he excused himself to go to the bathroom and he left his phone. someone was calling and i answered it, it was a women's voice. i knew whose voice it is. it's the campus queen, jina. at that time, i felt betrayed, really betrayed. i broke up with him and knew that they were already together for months while still in a relationship with me. i asked myself, what does she have that i do not? so i tried copying her. i tried clubbing, drinking and everything just to win his heart back but it didn't work. i've already went to a lot of clubs here and tried all kinds of drinks until i felt sorry for myself. why do i have to change for someone? i should've stayed just the way i am. and it felt like a devil possessed me. i wanted it to get out of my body but it won't."

silence came.

"until i knew you. i know i was rude at first because i hated you for being good. i wish i could be like you. and when we got closer together, i felt that the devil was already out of my body. it felt that i was back to my old self and i was satisfied since this is what i wanted. and thanks to you, huitaek. it's all because of you. i am very thankful for you."

we looked at each other's eyes and felt horses running through my chest. i shouldn't feel this way. but why am i stopping myself? am i not allowed to like someone? i have my own freedom and do whatever i want.

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pls bear with grammatical errors :< sorry for not uding for so long. just became very busy and in the busiest point of being a student. thank God exams are over and i udated!! :> 

we are already near in the climax heheh. keep on supporting everyone!! thank u mwa!! idle and pentagon had their comeback recently. let's stream uh-oh and humph! fighting neverlands and unis <33