False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 14

"Never Mind What's Done Is Done, Always Was A Lucky One"

Present

"Have you uh," Amy was tripping slightly over her words as we made our way through the dimly lit streets of Toronto's Neon District. "You haven't seen or heard from Dave since 1994?" My stomach dropped, expecting this question to come from her at some point.

She and I decided to go out alone tonight, her treat, while Casey and Jack sort out their problems back at my apartment. Hopefully not destroying the place in the process. "I did. We kind of saw each other for a few months in '97." My hand came up to awkwardly rub the back of my neck.

"We were still in school then," Realization snapped through her, "You were seeing Dave while we were at school? How?" Her hand went to cover her mouth, "Oh my god what about Liam?"

I cringed at the mention of another ex's name. Talking about Dave was hard enough right now but adding the situation with Liam into the mix made me sick to my stomach. "I think we need to just wait until I get to that part of the retelling... Talking about Dave with you is already too much."

"Right," She sighed and linked her arm back through mine, "Sorry."

Something else was going through her head as we made a left down a road that lead to my favorite bar. "What is it?"

"I just can't believe you didn't tell me you aren't able to have kids either," she sighed, "With that whole situation it just... would've been nice to have someone to relate to." I frown, remembering the hell Amy went through four years ago. She went in for her annual check-up and something was found. The doctor informed her that it was cancerous, and I immediately flew down to support her through the procedure.

Back then, I hadn't even thought about telling her I could relate. It was a part of my past, and I was determined to keep my present completely separate. "I'm sorry."

"I get it," She nods, "It brings up bad memories."

I drop my head on her shoulder as we got stepped into the short line of young adults waiting to get in, "This is the first time I've talked about Eva since 1990. I didn't even know she existed until she was gone, but I miss her. It's weird."

"She was your child Rose," Amy pressed a soft kiss to my temple, "You have a right to miss her. Even if you didn't meet her. She was a physical display of how much you and Dave loved each other back then." She shifted as we stepped closer, "Deep down I know you still love him."

I scoff, "After the 'fuck you' I received from this album," My head lifted so I could look her in the eye when I said my next words, "I hate him."

"Yeah," She chuckled as the bouncer and I shared a simple hello before letting us in, "Keep telling yourself that sweetie."

---

January 18, 1991

Evergreen State College

The New Year came before I knew it and while Dave was away playing a show in Portland with Nirvana to ring in the new year, Shelli and I stayed in and had girl time. I love every second I get to spend with the girl, but it was weird not to kiss Dave at midnight like the year before. I had never felt so distant from him, and it wasn't only because he was in another state that night.

In the three years since Dave and I began dating, we had always been able to hold random conversations, but recently it's been silent with both parties. Dave even began sleeping out on the couch, pretending to lay with me until I fall asleep before leaving me alone in our shared bed.