"One of These Days, Your Eyes Will Close and Pain Will Disappear"
March 4, 1994
Munich, Germany
Life.
It's a funny thing, you know.
One second, it seems like things are looking up.
The next, your world is on the verge of collapsing around you and there's no logical way of coping.
In the last twenty-four hours of my life, I have burned through an entire carton of cigarettes and more alcohol than I care to think about. I was beginning to feel ill from the lack of food in my system, but as Dave and I pass by a small German newsstand, I am reminded of why I can't keep anything down.
'KURT COBAIN'S INCIDENT IN ROME'
'SEDATIVES AND ALCOHOL PUT COBAIN IN A COMA'
'NIRVANA MANAGEMENT STATES 'IT WAS AN ACCIDENT''
"Babe." I had been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear Dave's voice until he grabbed my shoulders to hold me still in front of him. "I need you to focus for a minute. You're starting to scare me."
You're starting to scare me...
-------
72 hours before...
"Babe I need to grab my jacket; wait for me outside!" Dave pressed a light kiss to my temple before responding with a soft 'okay'.
Things have been surprisingly great between the drummer and I since I returned to our Seattle apartment at the end of December. Some things are different, but that is expected with everything we've put one another through.
As a last-minute surprise, Shelli and I flew over to surprise the guys for their show in Germany tonight and let me tell you, it was so worth it.
My life seemed to be turning around, but all of this progress stopped as soon as I threw open the door to Nirvana's dressing room.
It was as if time stopped when the blond lead singers panic filled blue eyes meet my own. I wouldn't have cared much for the situation if it wasn't for the unopened plastic case of Rohypnol in his shaking hand. "Kurt..."
"It's not what it looks like Rose." He jumps to his feet, obviously hoping to use my feelings towards him as a deterrence from the real conversation.
With every step Kurt took forward, I took one backwards in order to keep some breathing room between the two of us. "Then what the hell is it Kurt?"
"These are Courtney's, Blossom." He was practically begging me to believe him, but I knew better than to fall into that trap again. Over the years, I've learned that Kurt will do anything to get high, and there's no way that this situation is any different. "You don't believe me..."
His broken sounding voice almost causes me to give in, but I stay strong. "How can I? I don't even know what it's like to be around you when you're sober anymore Kurt! I'd be surprised if you weren't itching to stick a needle in your arm right this minute."
"I'm sober right now! Rose come on I think something is up-"
"I'm not listening to anything until you throw those away Kurt."
The two of us hold eye contact, an unspoken competition to see who would come out of this argument victorious. I'll know that he's not lying to me if he flushes them, but something tells me that's never going to happen. "These aren't mine Rosemary. She'll be pissed if she can't find them later and you and I both know I can't handle that right now."
"I want to believe you Kurt, but I can't get that image of you face down in that New York bathroom in 1992 out of my head. I can't go through that again. On top of all of this, you have a daughter now. Neither of you should be doing hard drugs anymore, for her sake."
He runs a hand through his hair, making it appear more tussled than it originally had. "Rose I'm trying to leave Courtney for her sake, so don't sit here lecturing me about what I need to do for my daughter."
"Can you blame me? I adore that child!" I throw my hands up in exasperation, "You're really starting to scare me and I don't want you to fucking die Kurt!"
"After this conversation, I don't think I'd mind dying now Rosemary."
Shock is the only emotion I feel as I get lost in the man's ocean eyes. "Yeah? Well fuck you Kurt Cobain."
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Tears begin to well up in my eyes when I return to reality, realizing that I'd been staring into Dave's big brown eyes this entire time rather than Kurt's blue ones. "My last words to him were 'fuck you' Dave."
I notice my fiancés shoulders slump at my words, "He's not dead Rose. We'll all be back in Seattle before you know it. Kurt will get the help he needs and the band will be touring again before you know it." I don't even think he believed the words coming out of his mouth right now, but he's trying to calm me down and I am grateful.
"The only think he needs help with is getting away from that woman..." My words are too low for the partially deaf man to hear them, but that's fine with me. Dave doesn't need to know about my solo conversation with Kurt the other day. He almost lost one of his best friends last night; that's enough stress for one week.
"Come on." Dave wraps an arm around my shoulders, making me feel more secure than I had five minutes ago, before leading me inside of the small local diner we decided on for lunch. "We can't keep dwelling on this. It's not healthy. Let's get some food to go and head back to pack so we're ready for our flight home tonight."
There's no use in arguing, so I respond with a soft, "Alright..."
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Probably the shortest False Starts chapter I've ever written, but I really wanted to add the Rome accident before diving into April 1994.
These next 2/3 chapters are going to be HEAVY so please read at your own risk. There will be mentions of panic attacks, suicide, and cheating.
YOU ARE READING
False Starts || Dave Grohl
FanfictionCURRENTLY UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING AND REFORMATTING BEFORE RETURNING "This Was No Ordinary Life." --- In which two teenagers in love just can't seem to get it right. [June 2019 - Ongoing]
