False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 40

"Try Living A Lie And Kicking Out The Same Old Guise"

April 6, 1992

Belle View, VA

My stomach churns in a way that makes me feel sick as I stand in front of my childhood home. Memories of my final nights here replay in my head, the final one being the morning my father hit Dave in the very place I'm currently standing.

The paint on the white colonial style home has faded over the years due to lack of care, making the navy-blue shutters less vibrant than I remember them being. Everything else is the same as when I left four years ago though, other than the small swing set taking up space in the backyard.

As I take my next steps toward the front door, I can't help but glance at the first-floor bedroom that I used to call my own. The window is cracked, making me wonder if someone else now inhabits my personal space, specifically a younger Pierce.

For all I know, my belongings could still be in that room; posters of Led Zeppelin, Motley Crue and countless other bands covering the walls like the day I left, but something in my gut told me that isn't the case.

My father would've never allowed that.

I hadn't even reached the first step on the front porch when the door flew open, revealing my mother for the first time in years. Her usual chestnut brown hair has grayed with age and stress, but the bright smile I remember from my childhood still covers her face. "Rose..."

"Hi mom..." My response was fast, almost not understandable, but the tears welling up in her eyes told me that she heard me perfectly. "I'm sorry for barely giving you a heads up before dropping by."

Her hand, which was now ringless, grasped my shoulder. "Sweetheart I don't care how, when or why you show up. You're always welcome."

I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying along with her. My mother and I have always had a rough relationship; never really being able to find that middle ground of understanding one another. However, I think she's starting to get it, even if just a little.

"Mama..?"

The small unfamiliar voice makes my stomach flip; not needing much more information to know who now stood behind my mother in the doorway. My spine immediately straightened, hands clenching at my sides at the thought of accepting this child into my life with open arms, but I know deep down there's no real reason for me to resent him.

Fate is weird and sometimes, shit just happens.

Maybe it was the universes way of telling me that I'd be a terrible parent, or maybe I was never supposed to carry Dave's child in the first place. Either way, I can't take it out on my baby brother. It just wouldn't be fair.

"Hey sweetheart," My mother's soft voice brought a smile to my face as I watch her bend down to greet my brother, "What are you doing up from your nap?"

His cheeks were chubby, reminding me of old baby photos of myself that litter the living room. I was expecting him to be a replica of our father, but instead he has the same soft features as our mother. Only difference being his emerald green eyes that I don't recognize from anyone in our family.

The toddler shrugs, locking his big eyes on me as our mother scoops him into her arms. "Reese, this is Rose." My mother turns so he'd be facing me once again, and I can't help but chuckle when he shyly shoves his face into her chest. "Why are you being shy all of a sudden? You weren't like this at the store yesterday."

"Stwanger," The use of w in the word rather than r warms my heart.

"If you say 'hi' she won't be a stranger anymore, now will she?" With these words, I can finally see how tired my mother actually is. The bags under her eyes are prominent, making me curious about the last time she had a good night's sleep. Her smile isn't as real as it was when she first greeted me, doing everything in her power to seem ecstatic about the situation.